Journaling some more: As the dissolution court date approaches I am considering a few options I have. WAW said we needed to go to counseling to figure out the shared parenting and I agreed 100%. This has never happened. I have reminded her a few times and even offered to make the arrangements. After she had her AP spend the night when the boys and their friend were there I started thinking that if she did not get the counseling set up, I would request court ordered mediation. WAW and I were both raised to beleive this was immoral and we were raising our boys that way too. I want to get an unbiased outside opinion. Part of me wants to hold her accountable. Part of me says to just take care of my side of the street. These issues are VERY tricky to navigate when it comes to children. I think I want to mediation to make sure we are on the same page on a lot of issues. I also think I want the mediation because she has not "done the work" and still continues to poison our interactions with anger, selfishness, attacks, and not being able to stick to one topic. I know we would all benefit from the mediation. Part of me does NOT want the mediation because it will slow down the dissolution. I need the dissolution to be finished in order to get properties transfered into my name and to lock in the settlement amount and 50-50 parenting. Financially I am going to survive with the agreement I have. If I stop the dissolution for mediation, it gives her that much more time to drop the dissolution and file for D and change custody, asset split, and CS.
Last edited by bdub; 02/17/1504:55 PM.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
This is all personal opinion with no data to back it up.
This is something I struggle with as well. My STBX and I do not "co-parent". We have had not had any kind of discussion about common ground, how we want the kids to be raised, etc. My sitch is a little different in that I have girls 80-85% of the time.
Like you, I wanted co-parent counseling but was worried about it derailing what has been a relatively smooth divorce process (in terms of custody and property settlement).
Here's where my thinking has gotten me. Much like marital counseling, I don't think any kind of parental counseling is going to go anywhere right now. STBX is just not in a frame of mind to really hear any of this. If he showed up, I think it would just be him trying to prove how "reasonable" he is, and he would then continue doing whatever the heck he wants. From what you have written, I can't see your WAW being receptive to any suggestion that, say, OM not be allowed overnights while boys are there.
I really can't see anything constructive coming out of these conversations...now.
I can't imagine my STBX being this way forever. Maybe when the divorce is completed, and he feels "free" of me, he will calm down, stop seeing me as the enemy and be more open to some hard conversations and cooperation. I think it will help when his current relationship either ends or solidifies into something permanent.
In complete fairness, my STBX is more civil than yours, so its a lot easier to envision this happening.
Have you looked into whether you might have any recourse after the dissolution is complete to prompt her to go to counseling or put together a parenting plan?
I have not looked into that raliced. I need too. Thank you for your input. My WAW has said " I just need to get you out of my life". That leads me to think maybe you are right. Once she feels "free" she might calm down. I want to sit down with an unbiased 3rd party to hash out a few issues. If mediator/counselor/clergy says that its not all that bad for OM to spend the night when the boys are around, I will drop the subject.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Finished it off today. Dissolution was signed and granted by the judge this morning. Financially it's a relief to have everything signed and settled. Emotionally it has actually not been as tough as I thought. However, I should add that the main water line into the house is froze so I have kept busy working on that.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
