Utterly Gutted Part 2

[Frank75]

No offense taken. I just feel so good mentally and physically for the first time in years I just want to get out there and experience what I've been missing. I am looking for love but not immediately, sorry if I came off the wrong way. I know this forum is about busting divorce, but I guess some people might be trying to do that for the wrong reasons....like myself. I was in denial and in a very toxic relationship. I was dependent on someone else and felt like I HAD to protect her...from herself and everything else. I just am optimistic and happy for the first time in a very long time

[Frank75]

Just an update. I know its been a while but i got wrapped up in my new life and didn't get back around to posting until now.

I thank everyone for their advice and help, especially when I was at my lowest point back in January. I'm not sure what would have happened if i hadn't found this forum. I was totally alone and had no idea how to get out of my hole.

Anyway, it's a few months later now, the divorce was amicable and it's final now. I met an awesome woman last month that blows my mind on a daily basis. It's hard to regret anything I did in the past since that path I chose led me to this woman. I just wanted to offer up encouragement to other people going through the same things as I did. The light at the end of the tunnel is out there, either by fixing your relationship or accepting the end and moving on.

[Frank75]

Just another update in case people are still following my saga. I'm still with the same awesome woman like 6 months later. We're planning on getting engaged next year. It might seem to fast to outsiders but it was basically love at first sight and we've been inseparable ever since the day we met. Thanks to everyone that posted in this thread with advice and cold hard facts even if i didn't want to hear it at the time. You convinced me that I was worthwhile and that life can go on. Thank you!

[Sotto]

Hi Frank, it sounds as though things are going well for you and that you realise your own worth and that life goes on after a relationship breaks down.

As you say, you did become involved with a new person pretty quickly. I hope things work out for you guys. For me, the only thing to bear in mind is that we do need to heal and learn from what happened to avoid potentially going round a similar loop again. Patterns of behaviour in our old R can emerge again in our new R, given time. Hopefully you have taken the time to learn from this experience and that will serve you well in your new relationship.

Good luck to you both! Sotto

[Frank75]

Thanks Sotto. It was a quick turnaround. I know that's not optimal in any way but I just rolled with it because she's such an awesome person.

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my first post here. I come back from time to time to reread my posts and see how utterly desperate I was. I don't even recognize that person to be honest. I was just scared of facing reality, scared of a new life...a life without a person i'd been with for 15 years.

It was hard but in the end i'd do it all over again. I got engaged on xmas eve to the person I posted about months ago. Again, from an outsider perspective it has to seem outlandish but I've spent almost every waking hour with this woman for the last 10 months. We make each other better people, I can't say enough good things about her. She made me realize that I'm worthy of love...I didn't realize how much self-loathing i was full of until I met her. I can't explain it, i'm just completely happy for the first time in years and head over heels in love with her. We're planning on getting married in the fall.

Hopefully someone in a similar situation sees my posts and realizes that it takes 2 to make a marriage work...you can't force it. And sometimes you just have to walk away. I'm a better person for it, as much as it hurt.

[Frank75]

I guess this time of year reminds me of the lowest point of my life so i revisit it and realize how different I am now.

It's been 2 years since I got my dear john letter. I got remarried last august to a wonderful woman and things are awesome now. Rereading my posts now is partly depressing and partly cathartic, I'm not sure anyone really ever fully "recovers" from something like this. I still think about it from time to time. It no longer makes me sad, just a little anger and a little feeling of being betrayed.

For anyone going through it currently, just realize it gets better and easier no matter how your situation pans out.