I spoke to a second lawyer just now. She immediately recommended mediation because we are cordial, in agreement on most things and have little to fight over at this point (I hope!). I mentioned to her that, despite the circumstances, there's hope of reconciliation on my side. She said that all it changes is that if the mediator senses that there are chances of reconciliation, she might recommend steps that would lead us to this, such as counseling.
So my question is: How can I, if at all, send the signal to the mediator that I'm interested in reconciliation, without failing at DB by telling the same thing to my WAW?
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Wow thats a great question. Well I guess you cant conceal feelings. I have learned that being vulnerable through this experience has been very helpful to me and my sitch. I feel like it may be a fine line because you dont want to come off like the Sandi's 37. But I feel their is some value to being able to stay true to what you want. Being a man of purpose in different areas in your life to me makes sense that you would want to keep your marriage. Yes I know you love her yes I know that things seem very bleek but I believe that being the man to keep his marriage strong even after such a trajedy shows your strength. I think you would be a fool to not stand up for your marriage. This of course can be said in many ways without saying.
Just try and keep looking from a different perspective. Pretend like you have Mivchelle Weiner beside you!! How would you feel coming into the meeting with her beside you?
I hope this is helpful
Me:34/EXH:29 Kids: S13, D5, D4 M/o7 HaskedforDgavetohim6/14 decided to work on get remarried counseling. Kids work went back to old routine. Left Nov 10 2014 OWDec92014
Yeah you know I had a problem with this. But I would think something like Wife I will support you in that decision that you've made or something like that may give a little bit of indication that it's not a two-way street as far as divorce is concerned.
Last edited by MCS; 01/22/1510:16 PM.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
I think that at this point a mediator is not going to be able to guide your wife to counseling. Sometimes the divorce takes all the pressure off and with some time and distance the WAS is then able to reflect back. You will always be connected through your children so who knows what the future will hold. I don't think there is anything wrong with letting a mediator know a divorce was not your choice but you won't stand in the way of it.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Your attitude, tone and actions will say it for you. It will leak from every pore in your body, your body language, alertness eye contact and appropriate nodding.
Your attentiveness to W, your strength, detatchment and willingness to validate.
Oh and the look of love, your willingness if W is no longer A. Your concern for your children and that you want them to be with M and D. If a D is inevitable, you will with regret work to the best possible position to co parent your children, who come first.
Would that be better than words?
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 01/22/1511:09 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thanks Karma12, Vanilla, Faith2B and MCS. I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing to say. There will certainly be an opportunity to show, through my attitude and behavior as Vanilla said, that this is not my decision. My WAW will have to say the words and show the will to make that happen and I will offer no resistance.
Stories about getting back together with your spouse, your country, your...Brahman bull. And how it never goes the way you think it's going to.
It was quite a shock for me, a fan of the show, to see this topic pop up because I've been hoping for, oh about four months, that they would cover it. The first story is about marriage reconciliation:
The story of an Iranian couple who were unhappily married for 27 years. He had a temper. She never really loved him. So they split up, got divorced. And then, two years after that, to everybody's surprise—especially their grown-up children—they fell in love and married each other again. And this time, everything was different. One of their daughters, Nazanin Rafsanjani, tells the story. (26 minutes)
It's both a very unique story and one that will be very familiar to all of us. I hope many will get to listen to it.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Listening to it now. It is astounding how similar they are, even from such a different culture. Even the WAW's initial period of freedom and happiness, and the LBH's turn towards self-help relationship books.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
So my question is: How can I, if at all, send the signal to the mediator that I'm interested in reconciliation, without failing at DB by telling the same thing to my WAW?
Why do you see it as failing at DB if you don't tell your WAW (again) that you still want to R?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
