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A Message from Michele
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Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #9 #2527700
01/16/15 03:55 AM
01/16/15 03:55 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
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Jefe Offline OP
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Jefe  Offline OP
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Dallas, TX


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #9 [Re: Jefe] #2528071
01/16/15 10:52 PM
01/16/15 10:52 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
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Jefe Offline OP
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OK, need a little guidance.

Wife and I have spoken a little and texted a little this morning. Some business, some quasi-business. All fine.

This afternoon I decided I was going to reach out and either text or call her. As I'm reaching for the phone, she calls. I'll transcribe the beginning and end of the call as well as the subsequent texts.

Me: Hello
Wife:What ya doin?
Me: Thinking about you
Wife:Awe, that's sweet. What else?
Me: On my way to get the girls
Wife:Cool. I think you should let them play outside today since it's so nice out.
Me: Yeah, it's beautiful today, I was already planning on that. Gonna load up the bikes and everything...

(talk talk talk, blah blah blah, talk talk talk, conversation coming to end,)

Wife:Well, I just called to tell you to let the girls play outside...
Me: Whatever.
Wife:No really, that's it. I'm not that nice. I know you wish I was that nice, but I'm not.
Me: I think you are nice
Wife:Well... I'm not. I don't think so at all, I'm just not nice.
Me: Okay. (puzzled)
Wife:Well, I gotta get back to it, got lots of packages still. I'll talk to you later.
Me: Ok, bye.

Texting:

Me: You used to be that nice, what happened?
Wife:I'm broken
Me: Why?
Wife:I'm trying to be nice
Me: What does that mean? (<-- I could have left this out I think)
Me: J***, we're all broken. And who knows about all your brokenness better than me? (<-- Maybe a little much, too)
(Still no reply an hour later, not expecting one either.)

I want to tell her that I forgive her. Don't know if I should. She obviously doesn't see the road home smooth and paved or we wouldn't be having these types of conversations.

Maybe I just need to keep working on me and stay where I was and not court just yet.



Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #9 [Re: Jefe] #2528133
01/17/15 02:36 AM
01/17/15 02:36 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
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Jefe Offline OP
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So about 2 hours ago she texts wanting to know what we're doing. She wants to come by and visit for a little while.

Pleasant visit. Kids really enjoyed seeing her. We got the girls in the tub and in the kitchen the wife starts rubbing my belly and chest asking me if I've lost more weight because I look really good. Etc. I move to touch her and she backs off being coy and giggling. She wont let me touch, but she's playing. I mentioned something we haven't done in a while and her eyes lit up and got real big for a sec, then she said she had to go because she was tired and very hungry. I offered to buy her dinner tonight (not as a date, but I told her to go wherever she wanted to go and I would buy), of course she accepted.

She sent a text a few minutes ago thanking me for the Chili's take-out she got.

Marathon, Jefe, Marathon....


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #9 [Re: Jefe] #2528143
01/17/15 03:56 AM
01/17/15 03:56 AM
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,257
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DaddyLongShanks Offline
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Originally Posted By: Jefe
So about 2 hours ago she texts wanting to know what we're doing. She wants to come by and visit for a little while.

Pleasant visit. Kids really enjoyed seeing her. We got the girls in the tub and in the kitchen the wife starts rubbing my belly and chest asking me if I've lost more weight because I look really good. Etc. I move to touch her and she backs off being coy and giggling. She wont let me touch, but she's playing. I mentioned something we haven't done in a while and her eyes lit up and got real big for a sec, then she said she had to go because she was tired and very hungry. I offered to buy her dinner tonight (not as a date, but I told her to go wherever she wanted to go and I would buy), of course she accepted.

She sent a text a few minutes ago thanking me for the Chili's take-out she got.

Marathon, Jefe, Marathon....


Persuing is when you ask her things or try to supplicate her. Pulling back is when she touches your chest and belly seeing how tite you are getting.

Be your own man, you chased her long enough. Let her chase or lay back. That's your choices. Enjoy your life. Kissing her a$$ on anything at this point is a mistake.

You are the prize.

Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #9 [Re: Jefe] #2528172
01/17/15 05:43 AM
01/17/15 05:43 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
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NY
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Hope414 Offline
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Originally Posted By: Jefe
I offered to buy her dinner tonight (not as a date, but I told her to go wherever she wanted to go and I would buy), of course she accepted.

She sent a text a few minutes ago thanking me for the Chili's take-out she got.


I think your heart is in the right place but I strongly urge you to proceed with caution before doing this again.

Your goal is to build a relationship with your wife. You need to ask yourself what kind of relationship you are building if she is eating take-out without you?

If she choose to eat take-out without you this may not be a choice you want to financially subsidize.


M: 62
H: 67
Bomb dropped: October 2012
R: 4-2014

I've never regretted saying "I'm sorry"
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #9 [Re: Hope414] #2528453
01/18/15 01:46 PM
01/18/15 01:46 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
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SunnyB Offline
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Jefe I like the title of your new thread. Wishing good things for you and your family!



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #9 [Re: SunnyB] #2528487
01/18/15 05:07 PM
01/18/15 05:07 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
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Jefe Offline OP
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Just received this text from the wife:

"So if i ever did decided to come back in the marriage what would that look like/entale?"


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #9 [Re: Jefe] #2528492
01/18/15 05:40 PM
01/18/15 05:40 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Hi Jefe - This reads a bit like - hey, if I decided I wanted you back at some point how would that work. Has your W ever shown true remorse for what has happened? It doesn't read like true remorse. Are you willing to settle for less than true remorse?

You could respond with something like - Hey, this is a big question to answer by text, but we can talk about it at some point if you want? Then leave well alone until or unless your W raises it?

When she does, be ready to lay down your conditions. Remember Jefe, your W has been unfaithful. This is a time for her to win you back, not the other way round, okay?

I would avoid getting into a text discussion about this..


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #9 [Re: Sotto] #2528499
01/18/15 06:13 PM
01/18/15 06:13 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
Florida
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Florida
Originally Posted By: Toots
Hi Jefe - This reads a bit like - hey, if I decided I wanted you back at some point how would that work. Has your W ever shown true remorse for what has happened? It doesn't read like true remorse. Are you willing to settle for less than true remorse?

You could respond with something like - Hey, this is a big question to answer by text, but we can talk about it at some point if you want? Then leave well alone until or unless your W raises it?

When she does, be ready to lay down your conditions. Remember Jefe, your W has been unfaithful. This is a time for her to win you back, not the other way round, okay?

I would avoid getting into a text discussion about this..


x 2 to all that ^^^^.

My favorite responses in these key situations are either:

"Hmmm, I'm not sure how I feel about that anymore."

Or

""I'm afraid it's not that simple anymore. I'd have to think about it, as I'm not sure how I feel about this anymore."


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
Re: Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #9 [Re: Starsky309] #2528514
01/18/15 07:25 PM
01/18/15 07:25 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
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Jefe Offline OP
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Agreed that this is not text worthy at all. I think I am going to suggest we meet with one of the pastors to guide any reconciliation, expectations, etc. This was my sponsor's advice.

wait...

She just called, basically wanting to know if I got her text and said she was fixing to go into a movie and didn't want to talk right now. I said, that's fine.

I think I am going to let this steep for a little while.

No, there has been no remorse about anything and I think she needs to show some, but we are inching closer to piecing and that's a good thing. Me trying to push it along won't do any good. This is her's to fix at this particular point and time. I have to let her do it, or it won't stick, I'm afraid.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
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