Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to lie for her in the same way I won't tell my kids this is a joint decision (I have said too much to D3 - not about OM or anything though)
It almost certainly won't come up unless I initiate the conversation and I'm assuming she doesn't already know.
I know SIL was actively encouraging pursuit of OM1 within a couple of weeks if BD
Last edited by jim0987; 01/01/1503:15 PM.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
SIL left her first husband for a married work colleague and it fits her 'me first' character. W friends and close support all take the view that I'm awful, she is a saint for putting up with me and she deserves better, and that the next guy will be it.
No idea what MIL knows or not. Or what she thinks
I spent a good couple of hours playing with the kids and chatting to MIL this afternoon. It was friendly and warm exactly like pre BD. Kids giggled their little heads off.
W was really anxious the internet was down, disproportionately so. I guess some kind of contact was cut off. She has lived in her phone for months so i guess its like an addiction.
Generally she just seemed annoyed and the more MIL and I chatted the more annoyed she got. Sane thing happens when she sees me playing with the kids it 'does her head in' or is referred to as my sickly parenting. I don't get it.
I'm not going to change how I parent though, my kids love me exactly as I am.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Generally she just seemed annoyed and the more MIL and I chatted the more annoyed she got. Sane thing happens when she sees me playing with the kids it 'does her head in' or is referred to as my sickly parenting. I don't get it.
It seems to follow DB: the worst things are for her, the more annoyed she gets. You get along with MIL, she might lose an ally. You're good with the kids, it makes her look bad for leaving you (and make the kids love you more than her?). She's trying to control you by being unpleasant when you do things she dislikes. Her signals are very clear!
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Jim, I agree with Mozza with this. I know I see this with my W. I will be having fun with the kids. If W see's this you can just tell she is getting pissed. She starts to give me dirty looks etc. It is almost like they think you are trying make them look bad or something. When all you are trying to do is be a good person and father.
M:35 W 31 D's:6, 4 & 2 T:9 M:7 ILYBNILWY- Mar/14 DP Served Dec.17/14
I guess I was just hoping that continuing to be a good dad might draw her closer rather than her seeming to dislike me more for it. I know 25 regularly says no mother is unmoved by a good father but its just not the kind if movement I wanted.
Basically no matter what I do she gets further away. DB says do what works and at this point I don't know what's working or not in relation to rebuilding my M (I know some of what's working in relation to rebuilding me)
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
I know what you mean, Jim. It's hard to know when something is not working vs when something hasn't been tried long enough to work. I would tend to agree with Mozza and Zed - your W is probably annoyed because it makes it harder for her to justify walking away. Give it some time. Slow is fast.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
I would like to actually be able to read her mind.......
It could be the anger and annoyance is it working, that at this stage maybe its the affect I want?
I would like to think that being a good dad might make a positive difference but personally I don't think it will because that's no different to the marriage she is leaving. I think if I had been a distant, poor or uninvolved dad then maybe.
What I wasnt, was very emotionally supportive and that I don't know how to do in this situation. How to shoe life would be better
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Hi Jim. Being a good dad is always attractve , even if you have always been one Sometimes it just takes time. As gamb8te says time is all important Take care. Rd
