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#2518837 12/19/14 05:52 PM
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newton0 Offline OP
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After almost 16 months of DBing since my WAW moved out, she accepted my latest counter-offer and is preparing a separation agreement for our upcoming absolute divorce hearing.

It was a torturous period, one that I would not wish upon anyone, but we are all here in a noble attempt to save our marriages, so kudos to us. Unfortunately, some like mine, never reconcile, and we must accept and grieve the loss and begin anew.

What made mine particularly difficult, was that up until June/July, we were seeing one another (intimately) & she maintained the (illusion) that reconciliation was perhaps possible. But I could never get her to talk about what she wanted or about our marriage. I think she was keeping me on the table as she sorted her feelings out.

I decided I needed more from her, at least some conveyance of intent, and then I didn't hear from her until mid-September, after our 1 year separation date stating she wanted a divorce.

After I received her acceptance email, I went to a local bar, & sat alone and cried. The email was bittersweet, and I almost felt sorry for her had it not been the pain she put me through since leaving. I think all of us left behind cling to some hope, even as the divorce papers are signed and we leave the courtroom, that this is just a terrible dream, and somehow, someway, we can find love in our partner again. Though I am thankful we did not have to go through grueling litigation, acknowledgement of the death of your marriage is profound, like a casket being lowered into the earth.

As rain brings new growth to once-scorched earth, I hope my future will contain another opportunity to find true love and a soul mate to grow old with and share this thing called life. I'm afraid I will male the same mistakes, so I've been trying to grow & learn through continued therapy & self-reflection.

I wish all of you struggling through this awful period to stay stay strong & hope you all have a very merry Christmas. In then end, life goes on, even if our marriages do not.


Me: 46
Ex: 38
Married: 10
Together: 12
No Children
Separated (again): 09/06/13
Divorced: 02/27/15
newton0 #2519227 12/21/14 12:17 AM
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God bless - your post broke my heart.


Was made a better person by DB'ers
HeavyD #2519238 12/21/14 12:47 AM
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My dear friend told me yesterday that if you are made with a yearning to be in a marriage, that God will provide that for you. She said that sometimes the way is crooked because we have lessons to learn before the way is made clear so that we don't squander the gift when it comes, but that God doesn't make us to be forever broken. We are made to be whole, because we are made in His image.

Your time will come.

A long time ago, I wrote a list of stories that I'd heard from kind friends and family members of different ways in which hearts had been broken and mended again. All the stories had different ways of getting here (reconciliations with the original partner, happy marriages to new partners), but they all had happy endings. The only ones that didn't end up happier than they'd been before the heart break were the ones who weren't willing to be.

Your time will come. You're willing to do the work. Just be willing to be happy. Step out in faith. It's the dark before the dawn, but all will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things will be well.

I've said a little prayer for you.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Maybell #2519250 12/21/14 02:21 AM
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So sorry, dj. Sending you my best.


Me: 39 W: 46
D: 7.5 S: 5
SD: 16 SS: 12
T: 2 (06/2012)
M: 2 (12/2012)
Separation 09/2014. No talks of D yet. No communication since 10/3/2014
okjpc #2519252 12/21/14 02:24 AM
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DJ, my deepest sympathies go out to you.


ME: 29 / W: 29
M: 10 (11 in March 2015)
BD (ILYBNILWY): 07/26/14
S:12 / S: 7
"We need to separate" : 08/31/14
Wants to see others: 10/11/14
Separation looming
mandown #2519312 12/21/14 01:40 PM
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Posts: 270
newton0 Offline OP
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Thank you all for the kind words & thoughts!

Flying home for Christmas to spend time with my mom & aunt.

Have a wonderful Christmas & be well!


Me: 46
Ex: 38
Married: 10
Together: 12
No Children
Separated (again): 09/06/13
Divorced: 02/27/15
newton0 #2550771 03/25/15 03:06 AM
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newton0 Offline OP
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Well, I heard from my STBX on my birthday last month. She emailed me to wish me a happy birthday.

Over the next few days, there was almost a frantic flurry of emails from her asking when I was going to transfer the distribution settlement to her bank account. She accused me of not honoring the settlement agreement despite the fact that I still needed several legal items from her.

The day before our 11th anniversary, she said she essentially didn't care about the divorce; I could take care of that at a later date, but she wanted her money. I went to court alone, went through the process, and mailed her the divorce decree. It seemed like such a sad, meaningless end to something that was once so special.

That evening I received the documents from her attorney, so I transferred the settlement into her account.

I have not heard from her since.

In the month since, I have experienced unexpected periods of profound grieving and remorse. I've resumed therapy which is good, and am dating a wonderful woman that truly cares for me. I hope that in time these episodes become less frequent and less painful. That they are occurring a full 18 months after she left is somewhat disturbing.

Anyway, good luck to all on your DB'ing!


Me: 46
Ex: 38
Married: 10
Together: 12
No Children
Separated (again): 09/06/13
Divorced: 02/27/15

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