I am confused as to what I have on my hands, a walk away wife or a Midlife Crisis Wife. Does it matter in how I approach her or the situation?
On our 19th anniversary, my wife informed me that she is involved with another person and is conflicted. We have 2 children, a 9 year old and a 5 year old. She says she loves this person and wants the freedom to have an affair with her. This was never on our radar and never discussed and I said no.
Needless to say, I was blindsided, incredibly hurt, furious, all of the above. I told her she had to move out in October which she joyfully did. I thought move out meant a hotel room, but she really moved out.
She continues to see the affair partner but it is a relationship that she claims did not end our marriage. It just helped her to see how "broken and unsatisfying" our marriage really was. She claims she has not been happy for years. She admits that it was a shitty way to handle it, but she should have left me years ago.
My life has been turned upside down, I am in shock, can't eat, sleep or function well. She seems to relish all of my misery too. I have made the mistakes of begging, we can work this out, our marriage is stronger than this, please don't do this to the children, etc...
I honestly thought our marriage was good, we had some normal marriage issues, but nothing that indicated this. She claims I was not emotionally there for her, shut her out etc.... While I could have been more attentive to her, I was home every night and we were living our normal lives and I was happy. She now says she needed more.
Her affair partner she met at work, is also married with two kids who is conflicted about her marriage too. The affair partner was apparently in an open relationship which is what this whole situation started as.
What advice to any board members give? I have flailed, been suicidal, and now just am numb. What are my options now? Just go dark? File for divorce? She doesn't want me to file for divorce, not to make anything permanent. This tells me she just wants her cake and wants me to be the back up. I don't think I am even the back up at this point, she told me to just watch her walk away and there is nothing I can do.
Me again - sorry to be so chatty this morning, but I've a lot on my mind.
My WAW said at the beginning of this nightmare she wanted me to "fight for my marriage". That is confusing - what does that even mean?
1. Does it mean - going to MC?
2. Does it mean - working on me? I think this is really what it means. If so, this translates into being more present with my kids, living more in the present and acknowledging the good things in my life, being more emotionally available (this is hard for me - wtf does this really mean? I am guessing listening and validating her each time we interact).
How do I know she even knows I am working on me unless I tell her? She has moved out, how does she see/know of any changes?
3. Does it mean - going dark?
If I could get some clear examples of what "working on my marriage" really means, that would be helpful.
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Roberta, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 Roberta@divorcebusting.com
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Same thing here....
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