So after 11 years together (almost 7 married) and a 5year old son, my wife comes home and says she wants a divorce. This was after she was gone for 2 weeks for training for her job. I got every reason under the sun, I love you but, I need space, I didn't think you ever cared, you took me for granted...etc.
A few days later she admits that she cheated on me while she was gone. At first it was someone from another city who she hasn't had contact with since, but it slowly came out that it was someone from her work who was also at the training center at the same time.
She was willing to work things out at first, but then decided that this person she just met will make her happier for the rest of her life.
Thats where we are at right now. Our house is for sale, she sees him whenever she has the chance, and is convinced that this is what is best for her. Says she lived her whole life for others and now she is doing things for herself.
I'm absolutely crushed. She says I should have seen it coming, but obviously didn't. She says her friends just want her to be happy, even though we had the kind of relationship that everyone wished they had.
I'm not perfect obviously, but who is? I can be selfish and opinionated sometimes. I don't do as much of the housework as I should. We've had fights about things like this in the past, but I never thought it was this bad.
She says she resents me for the decision to only have 1 child, even though it was a decision we both made (i thought), and she pushed me to get a vasectomy. After that, due to other health reasons, she had a hysterectomy earlier this year. It wasn't the only option, but it was the most effective and she was adamant that we were happy with just one.
I don't know what to do. My head is spinning and my world is crumbling. Its been 2 months now, and I know I have a long way to go.
I am sorry that you suddenly find yourself in this situation. I know how shocked and confused you must be feeling. I also know that your situation is exactly what Divorce Busting Coaches specialize in. Please do not let any more time go by. Call to find out about our coaching program and how we can help get your marriage back on track. 303-444-7004
Roberta, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 Roberta@divorcebusting.com
I'm sorry you're going thru this. Doesn't make it any less painful, but your wife is pretty much following the wayward "script" right now -- it really varies very little from sitch to sitch. What she is doing with most of her complaints is called "re-writing marital history." Rather than focus on the bogus complaints, try to really take this time to do some introspection and focus on "those things that sting" -- that is, those things that YOU know are REALLY things you really do need to work on to become a better man and husband.
Is this other man married?
It's been two months . . . what have you tried so far in the way of boundaries, or self-improvements? Have you read DB or DR yet? Sandi's 37 Rules on this forum?
I read the first half of DB last night. It helped to get my mind off of things while she was out with the AP. Things have been more civil, because of how I'm reacting I'm sure, but sometimes it just seems like it makes it easier on her. I know it doesn't and I can't see what she is actually feeling.
Now that I'm staying calm and following the rules, I find that she is looking to pick fights over things. I don't take the bait and she calms down fairly quickly and apologizes.
Another thing that I found out today, who knows if it's true though. She had told me that the AP told his girlfriend what happened and told her to move out. Through someone who knows someone who knows him, she caught him and moved out on her own. Not that it really makes adifference, but it's nice to know that he's lying to her already. Unless she knows but wouldn't tell me.