Bright, I'm glad to see that you are making more friends and they want to go w/you to the vacation home. The more you open up, the more people will see the wonderful person that you are.
As for your friends being friends w/your h, you can't control what they do. At least they are remaining mutual and being friendly w/both of you. It's normal to "expect" people to take sides when it comes to a situation like you are going through, but unless you or your h do something to hurt their feelings, they will remain mutual and both you and your h can enjoy the time you spend w/them. I would hate to see you opt not to be friends w/them because of this. They've been there for you and continue to be there for you, you just have to be careful what you tell them just in case they tend to talk about you and your life.
Who knows, once you begin taking your new friends to the vacation home, your old friends may opt to step away and leave you alone. Time will tell on how they react to all of the new people in your life.
Keep up the good work. Sounds like you are detaching more and more each week.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Bright, thanks for your words. I have been doing my personal business for 2 weeks now, feeling and dreaming a little more about it each couple of days. I am dreaming about working hard to end up moving the business away from home; I can still socialize with friends and business so may give it a chance... in fact I am leaning to it. Will give me time freedom which I love too to do what I like (talks, hobbies, travel). My fear is to do it alone, goes together with the loneliness feeling; but guess I have to confront that.
I am loosing hope since on my side I feel I am detaching little by little. He was a man that when we were returning home from a place at night won't follow me; he drives faster and would go first and let me go after him... don't think that is a nice thing to do coming from a husband and talks about him and his feelings towards me...
May end up working on building my company. My daughter may end up living in the weekend home, it makes a lot of sense to think about it that then I did all the work there for someone I REALLY love and care. I have lost so many little feelings for stbxh that I am starting to believe his "image" is just a "company" relief.
I can’t believe this is this time of month again. H texted today “Hi, I transferred $xxxx to your account”. I guess he forgot my name again. Oh well…
I met up with two people from work (male and female) tonight for the drinks and music. They are both from the same meet up group I was invited to join.
Making some good friends...
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
So glad to hear, Bright. I think we are taking similar steps. I went to happy hour yesterday, and I was thinking of you! Funny thing is, I am 37 years old, and this year is the first year I've ever gone to happy hour.
Xh did like that idea of me going... so I didn't rock the boat. It wasn't that important to me. He, on the other hand, went many a time... I recall several specific examples of him going to celebrate some girl getting a new job, different "birthday" celebrations with people from work, including celebrating other women's birthday... but my birthday was "just another day." Whoa.... I'm going backwards here.... PULL THE REINS!!!! Yuck- full stem ahead in not only a hijack.... but and unnecessary one going to a place that is in the past.... and OVER!
ANYWAY- I am happy you have been going out and having fun. I am happy you are meeting new people. I have been doing the same. It feels good, right?
Can't wait to hear more about some of you *happenings*!
As for h... don't be afraid of being you. You have been through a lot. You don't owe him anything. You are a good person. He knows this. He just doesn't even know what he is doing. Just keep moving along finding your way and you happiness!
I’m making more friends. Today, I was at the meet up/get together even at work. There is a group of people who meet once in a while on the back patio at work to have some wine and snacks. I was invited into the group as a person who can have fun and easy going. They like me!
Of COURSE they like you!!!!! Looked in your mirror lately??
How awesome is that, all these new people adding to your life!!
I need lessons from ya, Bright! You're getting out there and doing so much. You're inspiring me!!! Thank you!
And the not giving a sh!t what h thinks anymore....I still cycle in and out of that....
Mighty, my H is very social too. He goes to all events he can, if he likes them. He went to celebrate other women’s b-days too. At least he didn’t prevent me from doing the same, actually encouraged. Which upset me, because I thought that we were supposed to do things together as a couple. I do realize now that I had a codependency issue. But H also had too much of independent behavior issue.
Shining, do you really think I can give you lessons, LOL? Busy social life is not a natural thing for me. I literally force myself sometimes. Which is what I did with the coworkers. I had to drive for 30 min to get where they wanted to meet. Let me say one thing though, I feel pretty comfortable in most environments. It didn’t used to be like that. I was a very shy girl when I was little. I’ve gradually building my confidence and my social skills for my entire life. Actually H helped me a lot in this by just taking me places and doing what he was always doing, like meeting new people and starting the conversations with strangers. I believe that he was also doing it to overcome his insecurities.
Anyway, the same friends from work invited me for a happy hour again today and also to go to some bar with life band tomorrow. I declined this time. I had very hectic week at work and I’m exhausted. I’m actually working from home today.
I also have some ongoing discussion with my GF (from the vacation home). There are some hard feelings expressed. I will get to this later.
Just want to give a quick update. I received an e-mail from H with a whole paragraph. He addressed my by name this time. Then he tells me that he paid himself this month and is sending me an updated company file. He says “Hopefully you have time to do the payroll taxes.” And then another “hopefully” statement, saying that he hopes to pay him one more time this year, and then this: “but not sure how much more I will be able to make the rest of this shitty business year I am having. Brutal!” He also says that I probably heard that from our mutual friends that he is coming down for Thanksgiving week, and that he thinks that our male mutual friend will be staying with me this Sunday (he will be coming back from his Mom’s funeral). Then he tells me that he can pick up his mail on Monday if I have it collected for him.
He ends with “Hope all is well with you. Take care” and signs his name.
So, I read this e-mail and immediately fell into a sympathetic mood. I wanted to reply right away with the words of support and comfort. What is wrong with me? I will still reply politely and say that I’m sorry he is having a bad year.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Why don't you just sit on the email for the weekend and when you feel like it next week, you can respond (that is, if you feel like it)? Nothing says you need to respond right away. After all, you are living your own life and have been busy at work and you do need some time to decompress.
Bea, I chucked over your response.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I know what you mean about responding to emails and texts. I hate how we have to think about everything we say, make sure it isn't too judgmental, too needy, won't be taken as "pursuit"....it is such a pain at times!
