need to GAL

[hope224]

H and I have been married for 1.5 yr, Together for almost 3 yrs. have a 5mth old now. He dropped the D bomb out of nowhere 06/20/14. wanted a divorce asap but I cant because of some visa status prob. Since then, I started a new job, got my mum to take care of the baby. He had been avoiding his family and me around 4th july and didnt come home. after all the drama, he came home a few weeks ago and told me those weeks were the worst and he felt so lonely. He also tells me I am the only person he can open up to. We were being cordial the past few weeks, had been intimate and even went out on a date (all while constantly reminding me not to be hopeful, that we were going to separate till i figure out my next steps).
I really want to kick him out or leave but i am unable to financially. His family wants me to move to their state but I'm so worried that I wont get another job as quick. Also, I wanted to see if he really meant that he wants to spend time with the baby.

I don't know what to do anymore. One day, I think I have a great solution to this, and another day, I feel like I'm not thinking logically.

[Cadet]

Welcome to the board

Get out and GAL.

DETACH.

Believe none of what he says and half of what he does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.

Your H is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.

USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon

[hope224]

I don't think I am even divorce busting. I am happy most of the time, I dont cry much anymore. We still live together, going to live separately in sept. We still sleep on the same bed and are intimate most of the time, unless he gets mad about something. I have learnt not to react my usual way when he get mad. I stay calm and don't let it affect my mood.
I keep breaking my divorce busting habit by checking his phone though. And, it seems like he occasionally contacts this girl he met out one night to see if he can see her and stuff. They also snapchat sometimes.( i am good at snooping, lol).
So, I don't know if I should stop being intimate, if it is a good thing or bad. Pretty soon, I will be moving out so i almost feel relieved but at the same time, how do i carry myself for the time being? I feel like I am just an option for him when his bootycall doesn't work out. He also has repeatedly told me not to have hope and expect us to get back together. Obviously, he is still seeking to hook up with other girls though he hasn't done it yet.

[hope224]

yah, so I feel used. Do I just act as if nothing has happened..?

[SunnyB]

yah, so I feel used. Do I just act as if nothing has happened..?

Hope, do you mean this in terms of intimacy? Only you can decide if it's right or not but in my opinion if any man is making you feel used its time to say no.

Just so I'm being honest, I am still intimate with my H but we've been together 26 years and to me it would be odd not to. I never feel used, it's always my choice.

[hope224]

Thanks for replying.
It is my choice to be intimate too. And, I did mention to him that we could be friends with benefits till we get someone else.
I was fine until I realized he was trying to persue a girl he met at a bar. I know he just wants to hook up with her since he has never done that, so he thinks he is missing out. But, I went through his texts, and he just doesn't seem like he knows how to. IT almost sounds like he wants to date her.
So, now, I feel like a default person. I don't regret being intimate but it makes me feel bad about how it's happening.
So, I am not sure if I should stop or just keep going on like I never saw those texts.

[SunnyB]

Hope, just bumping this up for you in hopes that someone will have good advice for you.

[Wonka]

Hiya, Hope.

Sorry to find you here. This is a great community of people who are in crappy situations with their spouses going off in the wild. However, you'll get tons of support as you walk through your journey.

First things first.

We need details on your sitch so we know things a bit more clearer and are able to help you better.

-How old are you and H?
-How long together and married?
-Do you have kids? How old are they?
-Do you own a house together?
-Do the pair of you work?
-When did the BD (Bomb Day) happen?

I would advise you to visit other threads that resonates with you and post there. This way, you'll get more traffic back to your thread. Most DBers post frequently in certain threads and they become "cyber-friends" that way here.

Hang in there!

[hope224]

Thanks guys, Im so pretty new here and need to understand how this forum works.

[hope224]

I will write all those information soon. But, this forum has been so helpful for me to get stronger and makes me hopeful. I can empathize with so many members here. Thanks for the support