Mike .. I completely relate. My W OM is a personal trainer .. she introduced him to our S a month after she moved out as "A friend" and had his kids and mine together as "play dates" ... that deep down betrayal not only of the relationship .. but also of the family unit has no stronger pull on our emotions. Later she finally confirmed my suspicions ... not that it made things better other than to confirm I was not crazy.
You have to go LTR .... and most of all the hardest part is the detachment phase, my advice .. what worked for me .. find a GAL activity that you actually can sink your teeth into. Something that you look forward to because of the release you get from all the emotional stress this sitch has found you in ... just remember .. you did not ask for this, go do you for a bit. The A between your WAW and the OM has to run its course. She needs to end it ... and not be able to use you as the excuse that would further justify her actions.
Thinking about it will just make you crazy. Also Sandi2 I have a new post and have been following your advice could you take a look a let me know how I am doing?
What I failed to acknowledge is that WAW doesn't view us as being in a relationship anymore. I look at us as still being married. She looks as us as being broken up. She has moved on and remembering from other posts that I saw, any relationship that develops between the two of us will be a new relationship.
This weekend, I will commit to the LRT principles and commit to fully detaching. The hardest part of it all is knowing that there is OM, but I have been in relationships before when an ex-girlfriend started to date again and I have been ok with that.
I will post my progress daily and also any events that occur. The last time I attempted this stage, WAW seemed to draw in, although in my mind, it seemed to be to see if she stil had a pull on me.
Another strange turn of events, is that a former friend of WAW, sent me a message via social media, about getting together for a coffee. This is someone that WAW had a huge falling out with years ago, and I am confident that this woman is trying to get under WAWs skin. I'm not going to do anything with it, but part of me wants to tell WAW. I won't, however, I still am tempted.
Your WAW has the same view as mine. I will be following you and hope I can get some insight or add insight. Not sure what else to write. wishing you strength and perseverance. Good luck.
Do you think that it is a healthy boundary for me to set by me telling her that I will not do any family activities with her as long as OM is part of the picture. I feel as tho it confuses the kids, seeing her with me occasionally and then seeing her with OM occasionally. On the surface it looks as though we have an open relationship, even if they are too young to realize it.
I do not know what to do in that situation. If your only time with your kids is then, I know I could not sacrifice that time. I think there are much wiser minds on this forum who have been down this road. They may have answers or suggestions on what to do with setting boundaries. I know of people who added caveats like this to separation agreements. Not sure if it has worked.
I get my kids 50% of the time, but lately, they have been asking to do more stuff as a family. I love those moments, and so do the kids. The more I think of it, it comes off as an ultimatum.
I spent a few hours reading articles on detachment yesterday and also did a few exercises on it. Starting to get a much better idea of what it actually is to detach. The thing about detachment that I failed to implement was keeping a safe emotional distance from my WAW.
This weekend was by far my best weekend with my kids since this situation developed. No texts/calls to WAW, with the exception of one that I sent yesterday re: counseling for my children. I am going to try to go dark (as much as I can with kids), and just focus on moving forward. Not sure if I will ever have a new relationship with WAW, but I will have a great one with my kids.
Yesterday, I took my kids to a fun place in town to play laser tag, go on waterslides, drive go carts, bumper boats, etc. They had so much fun and it was great seeing them smile.
