All the groups are run like that, there's a very real reason for doing those things, even tho it may be difficult for newbies who just want to cut the crap and get to the talking about problems.
Do you have an idea about why the meetings are run in that way?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I'm slowly feeling a little stronger. Anxiety isn't quite as bad. But I do still miss WAW terribly. I've noticed some small positives from her reaching out for seemingly silly reasons but I still feel like she is just using this time to adjust to her new life, get comfortable, and then move on.
She still hasn't picked up her things, changed her mailing address, or changed her relationship status on Facebook. Mindreading here, but I just can't get a read on what she wants. I know I can't just all out ask her, either.
It's been 7 weeks since bomb and she's initiated friendly texts 3 times. I know things wont happen on my timeline but I'm starting to feel like a sucker for having hope.
I'm still working on detaching, sometimes I succeed and other times I fail. Ugh.
"but I still feel like she is just using this time to adjust to her new life, get comfortable, and then move on."
Cmon Thorn, thats clearly mindreading and its not helping you right now. Just take it for what it is.
"She still hasn't picked up her things, changed her mailing address, or changed her relationship status on Facebook"
I still see those as all positives right now. Thats one of the things that is keeping me going in my sitch too. She still has everything over at our place. When I talked to her about it, she told me that she was living on one weeks worth of clothes and that it SUCKED. Im sure she is feeling about the same.
"It's been 7 weeks since bomb and she's initiated friendly texts 3 times. I know things wont happen on my timeline but I'm starting to feel like a sucker for having hope."
3 texts are better than no texts. They werent negative. And dont feel like a sucker. Youre just waiting on this because you believe this relationship is worth saving and wating on.
As far as she knows you are detached. You dont talk to her. Youre not stalking her or anything. So youre doing a great job of faking it. Same results whether its real or not. Youre strong, you got this.
M:33 W:30 T:10 M:2 B/D: 5/27/14 S: 5/28/14 Wife moved back in 7/18/14
It's hard because she went from wanting to get married 3 days before bomb to leaving.
I question her motives. I guess I feel like she was maybe using me because I was good dad to her daughter so she kept me around but didn't really feel anything for me.
Now I'm starting to wonder if she is trying to "friend zone" me and feeding me text message "breadcrumbs" to keep me on the hook. Like she just wants me as a friend now and doesn't see me as a potential mate. I definitely do not want that and won't be her friend if we never end up reconciling.
While there is no OM, I also wonder if I can ever trust her again to not bail when things get tough. A lot of my friends would never wait around for an ex like I have, it makes me feel weak.
This whole thing has really taken a toll on my self esteem. I sometimes wonder if I'm even worthy of being loved by someone. I know that's faulty thinking and not true but I do feel that way sometimes.
I thought she was the one. The one I was going to grow old with. The one I NEVER thought would bail. In fact, during our relationship, she was often the one that thought I was going to leave when we went through hard times. I never gave up though, I kept at it thru thick and thin.
I know there are LOTS of things I did wrong in our relationship and I am so far from perfect its not even funny. But I never gave up even when she was far from perfect.
I guess I'm just feeling deceived and taken for a fool for believing in us.
I am no expert but friends that think you are weak are not friends. Your friends should be supportive of what makes YOU happy whatever that may be. Friends and family want us to stop hurting so they will say whatever they think that will do just that. It is very easy for people to cast judgment on what they would do in any situation until they've actually been in it.
I'm no vet but you're doing great. Keep detaching. Be happy that every conversation has been pleasant. It keeps her mind on positives during that time. And ya you're having a problem with it - you didn't see it coming. I totally feel you there. I am a pretty good people reader and considered myself to know My H very well. While I'm not saying he was jumping with joy and excitement - I never in a million years saw this coming or I would have started seeking counseling immediately. So I definitely understand
Wow Thor you are mindreading like crazy. That needs to stop stat. I can almost guarantee you have no idea what she's thinking because she probably doesn't half the time. What you need to work on is yourself and what YOU are thinking.
Why is it you feel like you were used or a sucker for having hope? Isn't love doing things for someone and being there for them unconditionally? Yeah it stinks that she went off the reserve here but at the end of the day she doesn't owe you anything and you have to stop thinking that way. I used to think the same exact way and it will never get you anywhere.
I also don't think it's time to be worried about if you can ever trust her again or things like that. That will all work itself out one way or the other with time. Right now you need to get back to center and get back to working on you. Concentrate on you and your D14.
Have you set up any new activities or plans with friends? What new book are you reading/ listening too? We've all had that lonely feeling when we come home but the only way to get over that is to have something going on to stop that ugly thinking.
Don't stop the progress you were making by thinking about her with every thought again. These texts seem to have you spinning a bit. I'm all for being friendly as long as it doesn't get you turned around and let you get stuck inside your own head.
Stay strong and on your path brother.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
I don't know why. I assume the repetitiveness helps the theories/methodologies become engrained.
Yes, and it's a signal, a coming together and a settling of the mind. When I finally figured that piece out, and really listened I would always get something different from each reading.
Are you successful in settling you mind and being thoughtful, introspective or is it uncomfortable?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
