Where next Mr Crazy Person

[kml]

Did he have chemo? May have affected his brain (people call it "chemo brain") or his thyroid (and low thyroid is a cause of depression).

[beatrice]

kml - he has been suffering from covert depression (imho) for years. And yes he had a LOT of chemo before they even operated.

The man is depressed, and reuses to admit it. He says 'I was depressed but now I am fine'.

He could have a chemo brain - but I know other people who have had chemo and they are not like my xh. He flipped out in late 2005 and never really looked back.

[nero]

geez bea -

you are in lawyer he!! - i'm so sorry to hear that your h can't cut the cord. it truly is he!!.

How can you be liable for his legal bill if you guys are divorced? i'd have thought that the divorce decree absolves you of any responsibility in any way for him & his bils?

nine yers and he cannot move forward - it's a bit scary. i wonder if his new w will ever realizze he's got a big big problem and get him some help someh ow.

good luck- hang on- i think of you every time i'm ripping things apart in the garden for therapy- get those clippers out and go murder some offending big big "weed"

[beatrice]

Nero if it went to court, even if I won, if the other party goes bankrupt then it is hard to recover your costs. However you can ask for the costs to be lodged with the court, and they will usually agree.

I have gotten used to this - coming up to 11 months, but who is counting!

[LiveNow]

Beatrice - I do believe in chemo brain. An acquaintance's wife abruptly left him one day and just left a note on the kitchen table saying she was not coming back - after about 30 years of marriage and her first clean bill of health after lots of chemo. Needless to say he was devastated. They were divorced a few months after BD. However, I'm sure it doesn't affect everyone who has chemo. Everyone's different.

I haven't read your entire thread, but from your register date, you have been at this much longer than I have. I admire your ability to stay sane yourself! Some days I wonder if I'm going off the deep end myself!

[beatrice]

LiveNow Actually I have been at this longer than my registration date. Used to post under another name but suspected my xh was reading along, so quit the boards and re-registered later. My xh up and left in October 2005. Before his cancer and chemo.

But do not think the chemo helped any.

I am fine, and made it through. These boards are amazing. My xh is one of the older MLCers here, and I do not think he will come through this sadly,

I do not think it is how we handle it that determines the outcome, although many people understandably quit and we never know if the MLC would want to go back as the spouse has moved on and it isn't an option.

Legal action against me continues to this day from my xh, but I think i got an unusually stubborn one here. Being sued nearly nine years on isn't the norm. I do wonder if he isn't actually crazy.

[nero]

Hiya Bea -

I was just reading in brite future (n=maybe her new thread?) a convo you two were having- regarding changing friends? giving up condo? - and various just things long-time dbers ponder - once past the devastating pain portion of the show- all this residual "fallout" that is just, well, "around" in our lives.

I'm not so sure we can just get free of alllll of it. I think about runing away somewhere - (fantasy ). don't know why it seems appealing to begin over- then reality sets in and i end up thinking, maybe i'm wrong, but - that it's just more "stuff" we're going to have to plod thru in life - no matter how long it takes, etc. - it's part of our stupid journey with this mlc nutjob.

i'm not sure that even walking away from a cibdi m place, house, friends, alllll of it- the fallout left6 behind after bomb- like a nuclear bomb - just leaves tainted ground til it see's away over years and years. that's us - nuclear blast survivors on tainted ground. (well, make believe it encompassed entire world) no place to go to really get away from it all. it's forever more part of our past -

the nudges and rubs of friends and places, will remain forever i think (unfortunately). i don't want to be pessimistic- but i'm thinking every time i see a reference to England i feel badly- allll those years of wonderful trips, etc.

i just can't make whole contry disappear- and won't be able to duplicate it in any way by self or with someone new- it's just big and there and going to be there forever. (i still fantacize about living there tho - what the heck, it's sooo pretty & charming)

i'm getting more callous or detached or call ti whatever. the friends, the condo - the references or queries - they're just going to be with us forever.

perhaps we all have to just get good at deflecting inquiries - or get more inscrutible in our responses. sometimes i just want to tell people up north he died and they can just go away feeling embarassed but won't ask again, or something like that.

been tryin to just be me, same person as always and plug thru it all- thiking they can't "unknow" what they now know any more than i can.

a really unfortunate thing about it all- you can run but you can't hide. (i'm pretty sure.

if i change my mind and do run away and it's a wild success- i'll let ya know.

i think it was a logn time building- and will be a long long time un-building and letting it fall to runis.

no choice for us (very probably) can't change self, why would we want to - i mean totally or in response to him only??? we've just got to - muddle thru our portion of this journey -

this morning a neighbor told me the neigjbors all thought he'd killed me - as in "where have i been " - cripes.... oh well- I figure if i can live thru allllll this junk so far, and everyone alive knows he's cheating, it's so in all of our faces - I can't even feel embarassed any more , either that i'm still around or that he's what he is - maybe i'm getting "rhino skin?" one can hope -

but.... what can ya do - really ? gotta rise above it and float along the top i guess. I am more patient in life, i am more broadminded and "in the moment" - i am workin on self and this business of perhaps - my expectations of life, people, h are all a bit unreal- and i've spent past 63 years trying to create some alternate universe where everyone is nice essentially and well-meaning. etc. as usual- makin progress slowly- but far to go. pondering these truths of the universe is slow going.




xxo

[beatrice]

Nero I still fantasize about running away from it all (especially the lawyers)

I think we have to go on working on being OK in ourselves. For me it has to be on my own. I do not know why, but that is the way it has to be. But if my xh's MLC had been different I would probably be where you are, and trying to work on myself. I don't think it is about changing ourselves, actually but about being more aware of who we really are.

Some people call it shadow work, understanding our own shadow

There are still nudges and rubs, but they do diminish as you do more stuff on your own, and build up new layers of memory.

I also think we learn about ourselves from the hurt itself. The hurt ceases to define us and our response to things, and becomes instead a sort of goad, pushing us forward. Many of us want to change as little as the MLCer does. i was comfortable and happy in my old life and resisted change. Boy did I resist change.

I am getting to the point where I genuinely remember the good times, and am grateful for them. Sometimes i wish I had married another man, but then I look at my kids and would not unwish the greater part of my life.

It remains a roller coaster. And I agree about the lack of choice for us. So plodding on, but trying to enjoy it - loved the game on Shining's thread 'The good thing about all this'! It made me laugh. Maybe we need to start a thread about the good thing about MLC for us.

I have books in my bed and sleep in the middle of the bed and I go to bed when I feel like it, eat what I want. I drink as much coffee as I want (my xh always thought I drank too much coffee - this was not a MLC fad. He is probably right, but I gave it up for a month and didn't feel any different, so went back to drinking it.) I drink it very strong with milk in.

[juliegayle]

Bea I want to read back through your threads and see what I can learn from a vet.

In the meantime I wanted to say I loved the idea of Shining game as well. I also love being able to leave books (many) on bed and having dogs in bed with me (they, love it too) and being able to stretch out like a starfish in the morning.

What I miss most (I know not part of game) is having someone to tell the cute little things s does or says. I tell my mom and sister and they chuckle but it is not the same.

[Takevowsserious]

Hi Bea

Just wanted to say hello and that I'm sorry to see your xh is as crazy as ever. He truly is a unique case, like a science experiment gone awry. Think someone could convince him to donate his brain to science, preferably while he's still alive???

You sound good though, and that's what matters. Take care