MM, your thread is going to be locked...so I created this thread for you.
The below is my response to your last thread...
MM,
I am sure others have shown or mentioned this to you….
I’ll give it a try…
I’ll try to do it piece by piece. Or maybe I should do it in the form of a play? Hmmmm..yeah I’ll do that. Matter fact, I’ll narrate so that it is easy for everyone to follow along.
Here goes. The name of the play is called “The GAME”.
It is about a player…master manipulator if you will and an innocent, scared girl that he is dating. BTW, the master manipulator (we’ll call him XBF) loves to cake eat. The scared girl…we’ll call her MM is just scared chitless. She is lose and cannot seem to get out of her own way. He instincts tell her to leave XBF…but she can’t. She just cannot bring herself to do that. Lord knows…He keeps “saying” it will be okay…so it must be okay. It must just be time. MM’s friends and family all tell her to dump his sorry arse…but she loves him (sounds of the ahhhhhh….in the background).
The movie starts at Scene One (FTR, this is Episode 2,338…the number of post someone I know has)
Scene one – The opening scene starts with XBF having a conversation with MM, who is really debating getting out of the R but she is scared. XBF knows this but also knows just how to push her buttons. He know just exactly what to say to keep her right where he wants her.
Okay…hush..hush everyone…
ACTION!
Quote:
so the financial convo went aside again. However, the point of the convo still exists and he "says" it’s still important to him to get it completed too.
Narrator- As you can see, in this part of the scene – XBF know just what to “say” to keep MM right where he wants her. Ya see, he is not stupid – he know just what to say. Did you notice that he says “it’s still important to him”…
See he knows if he says this to her…we’ll she just accept it.
But wait!.....something is different with MM this time. OMG, XBF has to up his manipulation. The mere words of “it is important to him” is no longer enough. He know has to manipulate her using the love that she has for him.
He thinks……
Thinks quickly…..
Gotit!
Quote:
he fears losing "control" of what he feels he worked so hard for.
Narrator – As you can see, XBF is soooo slick and smooth….He decided to make himself a victim. Clearly he knows MM. He knows that he can work her sympathy she has for him. Chit…if she sees he is “afraid” well then she will come to the rescue.
But wait!
It still is not working. XBF realizes….something different about this MM…damn, two manipulations did not work on her.
Wait…I gotit….XBF finds another manipulation tactic.
Quote:
he feels that I don't trust him to do what is right, and is throwing in curve balls as stall tactics. It is very important to him to figure out the position/purchase of our location & then he feels he will be ready to enjoy life & be a different person.
GUILT
Narrator – WOW…as you can see, XBF is really really good. I mean he is now using GUILT on MM. Holy cr*p…and she is going for it. Yeah…I can see how…she loves him. So he know redirected the issues to her. Made her feel like she has done something wrong that HE does not trust HER. Then he throw the bone…that she is waiting for…. “he will be ready to enjoy life and be different”.
Holy COW…that was a masterpiece.
Okay
CUT
Scene two – In scene two MM is walking and thinking to herself. May she soooooo loves XBF….loves him more than she loves herself…….Yet something does not seem right. Something is puzzling her. She is so confused…lost…Her inner self is trying to tell her ‘LEAVE is MANIPULATING ARSE – YOU DESERVE BETTER girlfriend” – Yet she cannot. So she keeps thinking…
Okay…SILENCE….QUIET ON THE SET…I SAID QUITE! Don’t make me open up a can of whoop arse!
Okay…
Okay…
ACTION!
Quote:
SO, with that said.... I'm not so sure that battling out "my" situation "right now" with him is timely.
Narrator – you see ^^^^ she is questioning herself. Her heart is trying to tell her mind that it should hold off. She is trying to justify her fear to herself. Trying to give herself excuses. Try later…blah..blah..blah…
Quote:
I feel I will just keep hitting brick walls and building resentment.
Narrator - She NOW BLAMES HERSELF! Epic! That XBF is a real winner man! He really knows how to work’em.
Quote:
Maybe, like he says... once the location is settled??!! I am hoping to approach this again in a gentler way that shows my security is important too. Meanwhile, since a mediated report was given to us... that would likely hold "some" form of intent, if required. It is not a complete lost cause. I will continue to pursue it.
Narrator – WOW….she’s now heads down…feeling defeated. She has been played again. So she start to justify her actions to herself again. She trys to look at it on the positive side…. “it’s not a complete lost cause”…
BUT SHE IS DEFEATED…
AGAIN.
Okay…guys CUT! Let prep for the next scene.
Scene 3 – in this scene, XBF is not on camera…he is off doing whatever the F*ck he feels like…probably celebrating that he pulled another one out of his hat. So this scene is more about MM talking to a therapist. The therapist…..we’ll call him “DB”. He wears a pink tutu…but is a funny dude. He has a lot of other doctors in his office, most come in and keep trying to help MM…but man is she lost…hurt…scared….and totally confused.
Okay.. Quiet….quiet on the set…. Gabbymom23…put down the beer, Job…Job…stop it…would you stop reading those darn self help books. Starsky….starsky…put your cloth on will ya!
Okay… ACTION
MM - Soo…..DB….
Quote:
He believes that he will be prepared to focus and make the cHanges he wants for himself.... after... the business location has been figured out.
DB - Well MM, can YOU see anything wrong with this statement? Notice that a) it is all about HIM b) it has an aspect that is outside of your control and c) it does not take into count YOUR FEELINGS or NEEDs.
MM – Oh…I know DB…BUT….BUT….BUT…He loooooovvvveesssss me……
He is under a lot of stress
He need is time
He said “hi” to me one day….(after he kicked me though)
He said that maybe….just maybe….If HE FEELS UP TO it and IF I am a good little robot that maybe….just maybe…we could have sex and I can pleasure him. He said…the my needs will come later when he feels better.
He also said…
Quote:
His changes include being happier.
DB – OH really…..
MM- Yeah and he also said….
Quote:
To live a happier & fuller life than how we were living. Especially near the end of our rel'p (arguing so much), and how he would not take the time to stop & smell the roses.
DB – WOW….so that means you agree that HE and YOU were not living a “fuller life” before. Just wondering…why didn’t you say this before?
MM – Oh…DB…No I only talk when he lets me…..or when he is not around. He he he…
DB – really? I mean MM – YOU do know that you matter. Right? I mean you do realize that he is playing right?
MM – What…what is this you say DB…that is not the case..he is tired and he works a lot. He is not playing me! Matter of fact…he said…
Quote:
He would not date me, dinners, socialize with friends, nothing!! So this is why having "fun" is priority to him.
MM – so you see DB…I need to make things FUN for him. I need to be sexy and happy for HIM. My needs really do not matter as much. As matter of fact…he let me kiss his feet yesterday. Even though they smelled like cheese…I was happy that at least I was able to touch him. Also, from my conversation I figure out that ……
Quote:
I also think that "having fun" without me hasn't been as much fun as he thought.
MM – so you see DB…he needs me. Wait….wait….he does need me.. Ohhh…I am soo happy that he needs me.
DB – Ummmm…. Relax MM, do you realize what you are saying? I mean this is a total mind F*ck! Can’t you see he is playing you? Okay MM, I am gonna have to ask one of my associates to come in the office.
Scene 4 – start with several of DB associates coming into the office. They are a happy bunch of people. Strong in their own right. Women and Men who have been through the wars. Job is the elder…wise one she is….Starsky…he is direct and too the point. I think he hangs out with a guy name Mr. Bond (he lives in England – I think he is spy)… Gabbymom23….ummm..she is the partier of the group. Georgiabells is new to the team but has show strength and wiseness beyond her years. She is smart one. Picks up quick….okay[/quote]
[b] ACTION …they all rush into the room… MM continue to tell DB how she feels…
MM
Quote:
With that said, I too need to see/hear/feel his "action" of promoting FUN. As i deserve it. I always tried to coordinate fun resulting in "no, too tired".
Job (aka Wise “one”) – Ummmm….MM….yes I agree that you need to see more of his actions. Not sure that is just “fun” related. And why is it YOUR job to make it all about FUN for HIM. He has to work on this R as well. Think about this MM.
Mr Bond (aka short and too the point) – I have already said this to YOU.
Starsky – Sorry….grow a set! Ever read a book called nice girls finish last?
Gabbymom (hair is a mess for dancing the night before) – GGGIIIIRRRLLLL Friend…you need to find your own inner strength and dump his arse! You deserve better.
Georgiabelle (said in pure educated elegance) – I would suggest that you look at your actions and his actions. Determine if what you need is being met and then determine what you can live with.
DB – so MM….can you see what everyone is saying to you? Hold on MM…..
DB Opens the office door and screams out….. hey….can someone call Cat and UrWorthy…tell’em we need them down here.
CUT
Okay….on a serious note, MM….I wrote this for YOU – NOT to piss you off. Not to HURT YOU. I wrote it because I hope and pray that you can see what I am trying to say to you. The examples are extremes…. I did them this way to make a point.
You deserve better MM
Stop settling for crumbs from him!
Take a stand for YOURSELF finally!
Make choices on YOUR Terms not HIS!
It is time MM….
It is time….
Time for everyone….especially your XBF to see you become…all that I know you can be.
Time to put on the wonder woman outfit.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
MM, your thread is going to be locked...so I created this thread for you.
The below is my response to your last thread...
MM,
I am sure others have shown or mentioned this to you….
I’ll give it a try…
I’ll try to do it piece by piece. Or maybe I should do it in the form of a play? Hmmmm..yeah I’ll do that. Matter fact, I’ll narrate so that it is easy for everyone to follow along.
Here goes. The name of the play is called “The GAME”.
It is about a player…master manipulator if you will and an innocent, scared girl that he is dating. BTW, the master manipulator (we’ll call him XBF) loves to cake eat. The scared girl…we’ll call her MM is just scared chitless. She is lose and cannot seem to get out of her own way. He instincts tell her to leave XBF…but she can’t. She just cannot bring herself to do that. Lord knows…He keeps “saying” it will be okay…so it must be okay. It must just be time. MM’s friends and family all tell her to dump his sorry arse…but she loves him (sounds of the ahhhhhh….in the background).
The movie starts at Scene One (FTR, this is Episode 2,338…the number of post someone I know has)
Scene one – The opening scene starts with XBF having a conversation with MM, who is really debating getting out of the R but she is scared. XBF knows this but also knows just how to push her buttons. He know just exactly what to say to keep her right where he wants her.
Okay…hush..hush everyone…
ACTION!
Quote:
so the financial convo went aside again. However, the point of the convo still exists and he "says" it’s still important to him to get it completed too.
Narrator- As you can see, in this part of the scene – XBF know just what to “say” to keep MM right where he wants her. Ya see, he is not stupid – he know just what to say. Did you notice that he says “it’s still important to him”…
See he knows if he says this to her…we’ll she just accept it.
But wait!.....something is different with MM this time. OMG, XBF has to up his manipulation. The mere words of “it is important to him” is no longer enough. He know has to manipulate her using the love that she has for him.
He thinks……
Thinks quickly…..
Gotit!
Quote:
he fears losing "control" of what he feels he worked so hard for.
Narrator – As you can see, XBF is soooo slick and smooth….He decided to make himself a victim. Clearly he knows MM. He knows that he can work her sympathy she has for him. Chit…if she sees he is “afraid” well then she will come to the rescue.
But wait!
It still is not working. XBF realizes….something different about this MM…damn, two manipulations did not work on her.
Wait…I gotit….XBF finds another manipulation tactic.
Quote:
he feels that I don't trust him to do what is right, and is throwing in curve balls as stall tactics. It is very important to him to figure out the position/purchase of our location & then he feels he will be ready to enjoy life & be a different person.
GUILT
Narrator – WOW…as you can see, XBF is really really good. I mean he is now using GUILT on MM. Holy cr*p…and she is going for it. Yeah…I can see how…she loves him. So he know redirected the issues to her. Made her feel like she has done something wrong that HE does not trust HER. Then he throw the bone…that she is waiting for…. “he will be ready to enjoy life and be different”.
Holy COW…that was a masterpiece.
Okay
CUT
Scene two – In scene two MM is walking and thinking to herself. May she soooooo loves XBF….loves him more than she loves herself…….Yet something does not seem right. Something is puzzling her. She is so confused…lost…Her inner self is trying to tell her ‘LEAVE is MANIPULATING ARSE – YOU DESERVE BETTER girlfriend” – Yet she cannot. So she keeps thinking…
Okay…SILENCE….QUIET ON THE SET…I SAID QUITE! Don’t make me open up a can of whoop arse!
Okay…
Okay…
ACTION!
Quote:
SO, with that said.... I'm not so sure that battling out "my" situation "right now" with him is timely.
Narrator – you see ^^^^ she is questioning herself. Her heart is trying to tell her mind that it should hold off. She is trying to justify her fear to herself. Trying to give herself excuses. Try later…blah..blah..blah…
Quote:
I feel I will just keep hitting brick walls and building resentment.
Narrator - She NOW BLAMES HERSELF! Epic! That XBF is a real winner man! He really knows how to work’em.
Quote:
Maybe, like he says... once the location is settled??!! I am hoping to approach this again in a gentler way that shows my security is important too. Meanwhile, since a mediated report was given to us... that would likely hold "some" form of intent, if required. It is not a complete lost cause. I will continue to pursue it.
Narrator – WOW….she’s now heads down…feeling defeated. She has been played again. So she start to justify her actions to herself again. She trys to look at it on the positive side…. “it’s not a complete lost cause”…
BUT SHE IS DEFEATED…
AGAIN.
Okay…guys CUT! Let prep for the next scene.
Scene 3 – in this scene, XBF is not on camera…he is off doing whatever the F*ck he feels like…probably celebrating that he pulled another one out of his hat. So this scene is more about MM talking to a therapist. The therapist…..we’ll call him “DB”. He wears a pink tutu…but is a funny dude. He has a lot of other doctors in his office, most come in and keep trying to help MM…but man is she lost…hurt…scared….and totally confused.
Okay.. Quiet….quiet on the set…. Gabbymom23…put down the beer, Job…Job…stop it…would you stop reading those darn self help books. Starsky….starsky…put your cloth on will ya!
Okay… ACTION
MM - Soo…..DB….
Quote:
He believes that he will be prepared to focus and make the cHanges he wants for himself.... after... the business location has been figured out.
DB - Well MM, can YOU see anything wrong with this statement? Notice that a) it is all about HIM b) it has an aspect that is outside of your control and c) it does not take into count YOUR FEELINGS or NEEDs.
MM – Oh…I know DB…BUT….BUT….BUT…He loooooovvvveesssss me……
He is under a lot of stress
He need is time
He said “hi” to me one day….(after he kicked me though)
He said that maybe….just maybe….If HE FEELS UP TO it and IF I am a good little robot that maybe….just maybe…we could have sex and I can pleasure him. He said…the my needs will come later when he feels better.
He also said…
Quote:
His changes include being happier.
DB – OH really…..
MM- Yeah and he also said….
Quote:
To live a happier & fuller life than how we were living. Especially near the end of our rel'p (arguing so much), and how he would not take the time to stop & smell the roses.
DB – WOW….so that means you agree that HE and YOU were not living a “fuller life” before. Just wondering…why didn’t you say this before?
MM – Oh…DB…No I only talk when he lets me…..or when he is not around. He he he…
DB – really? I mean MM – YOU do know that you matter. Right? I mean you do realize that he is playing right?
MM – What…what is this you say DB…that is not the case..he is tired and he works a lot. He is not playing me! Matter of fact…he said…
Quote:
He would not date me, dinners, socialize with friends, nothing!! So this is why having "fun" is priority to him.
MM – so you see DB…I need to make things FUN for him. I need to be sexy and happy for HIM. My needs really do not matter as much. As matter of fact…he let me kiss his feet yesterday. Even though they smelled like cheese…I was happy that at least I was able to touch him. Also, from my conversation I figure out that ……
Quote:
I also think that "having fun" without me hasn't been as much fun as he thought.
MM – so you see DB…he needs me. Wait….wait….he does need me.. Ohhh…I am soo happy that he needs me.
DB – Ummmm…. Relax MM, do you realize what you are saying? I mean this is a total mind F*ck! Can’t you see he is playing you? Okay MM, I am gonna have to ask one of my associates to come in the office.
Scene 4 – start with several of DB associates coming into the office. They are a happy bunch of people. Strong in their own right. Women and Men who have been through the wars. Job is the elder…wise one she is….Starsky…he is direct and too the point. I think he hangs out with a guy name Mr. Bond (he lives in England – I think he is spy)… Gabbymom23….ummm..she is the partier of the group. Georgiabells is new to the team but has show strength and wiseness beyond her years. She is smart one. Picks up quick….okay
[b] ACTION …they all rush into the room… MM continue to tell DB how she feels…
MM
Quote:
With that said, I too need to see/hear/feel his "action" of promoting FUN. As i deserve it. I always tried to coordinate fun resulting in "no, too tired".
Job (aka Wise “one”) – Ummmm….MM….yes I agree that you need to see more of his actions. Not sure that is just “fun” related. And why is it YOUR job to make it all about FUN for HIM. He has to work on this R as well. Think about this MM.
Mr Bond (aka short and too the point) – I have already said this to YOU.
Starsky – Sorry….grow a set! Ever read a book called nice girls finish last?
Gabbymom (hair is a mess for dancing the night before) – GGGIIIIRRRLLLL Friend…you need to find your own inner strength and dump his arse! You deserve better.
Georgiabelle (said in pure educated elegance) – I would suggest that you look at your actions and his actions. Determine if what you need is being met and then determine what you can live with.
DB – so MM….can you see what everyone is saying to you? Hold on MM…..
DB Opens the office door and screams out….. hey….can someone call Cat and UrWorthy…tell’em we need them down here.
CUT
Okay….on a serious note, MM….I wrote this for YOU – NOT to piss you off. Not to HURT YOU. I wrote it because I hope and pray that you can see what I am trying to say to you. The examples are extremes…. I did them this way to make a point.
You deserve better MM
Stop settling for crumbs from him!
Take a stand for YOURSELF finally!
Make choices on YOUR Terms not HIS!
It is time MM….
It is time….
Time for everyone….especially your XBF to see you become…all that I know you can be.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Hi Magic, thanks so much for posting on my thread, and for your good wishes for my divorce. Yeah, my ex (I so like writing that ) continues to act like an ass and plans to move to Moscow with RT. I'm still healing, but am doing a little better every day.
But sheesh, Magic, I am awfully upset to check up on you and find you still under your SO's spell. The man has not changed one lick in the six months or so since I've read your thread. He seems worse even.
You say you're scared: "Scared that we are not ready... as he is not willing to "work" on us, yet. Scared of failure. Scared of getting hurt all over again. Scared of past behaviours. Scared to screw up last chance."
He is never going to be ready, honey. He will never ever be ready to work on "us." There is no "us" for you and him - not in the romantic relationship sense. Business sense maybe. But you want more than that. You always have.
My H was a great deal like your SO. He was oh so willing for me to support him financially while he lived his second life with all of his OW. How many times did you advise me to get out, Magic? Now I am giving you the same advice.
URWorthy told me something once that made a big impression on me. She likened my relationship with my now ex to be like someone desperately clinging on to someone's pants leg, in an effort to be seen and heard. He never bothered to even try to see or hear me. And that view of myself sort of disgusted me. Made me ashamed of myself and made me strong enough to give him the final ultimatum.
I am surprised but thrilled that Ericmsant2 took the time to start this new thread for you. He has said straight out what you told me all last year, and I hope that you will listen to him now. You are worth more than this. You are a lovely and intelligent woman. You do not need him. Let go of his F-ing pants leg and stand up for yourself for once. Okay?
Last edited by RosaLinda; 06/11/1407:33 PM.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Sorry I didnt hear the call, Eric. Very nicely done.
You know, MM, I get your fear. I really do. And I know where it comes from. It comes from hearing over and over throughout your marriage, maybe in words, maybe in actions, that you arent good enough.
I know because I heard those words and saw those actions my whole life. First from my mother and then from my h.
When you hear and feel that stuff long enough, you start to believe it.
But you know what I learned? They were wrong. Completely and absolutely wrong.
I know this because I realized I was looking at the wrong mirrors. The people whose mirrors I looked in, were broken. They felt so badly about themselves, that they projected it onto me. I guess it made them feel better about them.
But I started to realize that I needed new mirrors. So, I looked at how people acted when they were around me. I watched how they reacted. I began to notice that they liked me. They found me funny and smart.
And so, I silenced the voices of those whom I allowed to make me feel unworthy.
When I did, I began to grow.
You are worthy, MM. You are. You are a wonderful, smart, funny woman. You have a huge heart.
You just have to learn to believe that.
And let those who cannot see the beauty inside you go. They arent worthy of you.
You can do this, you know. You can.
If someone doesnt see who you are, and doesnt want what you have to offer, without conditions, they dont belong in your life.
It is time for you to take back you power, M. You have given it all away to people who dont know how to treat it with love and respect.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
) continues to act like an ass and plans to move to Moscow with RT. I'm still healing, but am doing a little better every day.