show my WAW-- the WAW youtube video?

[rayzzz]

Ok ..I am just wondering if I should show my wife the WAW youtube video Michelle has
http://youtu.be/eyty0xb7IMM

and then she may be open to get some DB phone coaching to help save our marriage

It is D-Day for my inlaws and kids this weekend...i know i know detach and dont freak....but isnt this a good option? Rookie Rayzzz

[Wonka]

Oh goodness gracious...DO NOT show your W anything related to DB, Ray!

I have been here for close to 10 years and I have seen three actual instances where the "hapless" LBS H who thought he was being helpful to the WAW by showing her the DB site or videos etc...THEY ALL filed for D and any chance for a reconciliation is shot to smitherens.

You CANNOT control your WAW's choices or 'make' her see her "mistakes".

Keep the focus on YOU and keep the DB stuff close to your vest.

[rayzzz]

Catastrophe averted!

Thanks Wonka. I am going to deep breath more, GALing it at my first Qui-Gon Thursday and just try to cry my face off before "D" disclosure day with kids and inlaws (will be done separately)so i am strong there. and not a mess.

You are right and I know this that i can't change her at all

I need to detach and go dark...in my own head at least till we physically separate.

will get used to my new ally time which will take some getting used to as patience has never been a good friend...

[MrBond]

Have you read DB or DR?

[Roberta]

This is excellent advice. Please do not show her the video.
Are you currently consulting a Divorce Busting Coach? If not, I urge you to call me to discuss our program for yourself first, maybe your wife afterwards. 303-444-7004

[rayzzz]

yes just finished DB and reading DR.

I was just freaking at 11th hour of imminent separation. Absolutely will keep DB stuff out of her hands and in my heart

[Riley]

Ray,

Brother, Detach and start creating your OWN life right now! Look up Sandi's 37 rules and implement them daily. Whatever your story, you took away your wife's heart when you married her, you can do it again. The first step is being the man she met and the man she married. DB and DR are not 100% guaranteed to work, but you can increase your chances DAILY by being a better man and better father every day. You are improving yourself for YOU, if she notices thats awesome. If she doesn't, you're still a great man and a still a great father.

[MrBond]

If you read DB, you would know that "Piecing" refers to Piecing your M back together when you reconcile. You're not at that point yet.

Also, to clarify, the list of "Sandi's 37 rules" are from DB. Sandi just posted it here to make it easier to find. If you have questions about those points, go back to the book.

[rayzzz]

Thanks Riley, MrBond.
Yeah I have been 180ing for a couple weeks now.

Bought a whack of new clothes that fit me now and to look good for WAW. You guys have probrably experienced this but I lost 30lbs due to the stress and major exercise workouts I have been doing to keep up my PMA. I talk soft now (come from an ultra loud family that screams but does not communicate ...hence why the WAW SITCH.)
and then I picked up ultimate frisbee (first team sport in years,...and she has never seen me play team sports) and Qigong which is absolutely the best stress reducing tai chi martial art ever.
The other thing that I have learned in this crisis is that if the timing and intent is right, a woman's heart softens when you apologize. She waffled twice, softened and was kinder to me letting her guard down when I was able to connect with her feeling that way ( and I think the 180s are rattling her a bit too.) Also a good friend of mine shared "when you speak to us women, remember we will carry kind, loving words with us....and they may come to haunt us when we are by ourselves and thinking of you..."
I have a massive amount of work to do but as long as I come to this site a dozen or so times a day I get lots of support from this community of db who are as stubborn as I am about winning back their M.

[Riley]

Im glad you have a new, healthy outlook. Keep it up man, and also don't let her take down your walls until she clearly states she wants to work on the M. Make her work for it!