Update - need advice. So, we go to closing on the house on the 18th provided no major issues at inspection. She told me last night that she will be filing this week. Now, things have been pretty friendly between us. Yesterday we had a really long and friendly conversation. She showed me the new vehicle she bought and seemed very excited. She told me about her weekend. When she told me she was filing I said "man, you're not wasting any time." She told me she was worried that I would pull some stunt and try to take the kids away from her - which I wouldn't unless she really did something stupid. She's a great mom and despite our marital issues she's the most trustworthy person I know. I found out that she stayed with a mutual friend over the weekend and I realize that she hasn't been spending any time with suspected OM. If there was anything with suspected OM I think it's flaming out. So, I told her I wouldn't do anything to hurt her or the kids because I truly believe they belong with her. I told her that I care about her. She is really expecting me to act out. Three weeks have past since ILYBNILWY and there have been no incidents. I haven't asked her whereabouts or criticized any decisions she's made or acted out in any way. Our conversation last night was pleasant to the point of being playful. But when I told her that I wouldn't do anything to hurt her the talk turned to the past and she told me that things were rarely good in the history of our relationship. Not true. She used to be head over heels in love with me and it seems that she's trying very hard not to be reminded of that right now - which I understand. She acknowledged that I've acted much differently than she expected. She told me I seem very happy right now and that I really seem to be enjoying life. I told her I was. She told me she wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to go into some deep depression if she filed the divorce. I smiled and said "Wow! Someone thinks a lot of themselves." She smiled and looked down. She said she wanted to know if I was read to move on. I told her I accept whatever happens right now and that even if both of us wanted to return to the relationship right now it would be disastrous. She nodded. I joked and asked if she wanted to go out in a few months and she smiled and said that's weird. She said we're talking about divorce and you're talking about going out. I knew I shouldn't have said it but there was a sense of connectedness there. I said goodbye and left. Now, my question is should I return to trying to go dark. I get such a positive response from her when I engage her in conversation. Here eyes light up and she smiles when she talks to me. I'm so confused. She expects me to be a distant jerk and pull some stunt when she least expects it. I fear if I truly go dark then it just pushes her further away. My gut tells me that being aloof but friendly is a good strategy but I'd like a second opinion. I talked too long last night and maybe came across as needy. I'd like to have those positive interactions and cut them short when she seems to be enjoying them but not in a rude way. Just like I have something else to be doing - and I always do. I can tell that she doesn't know how to take me when I'm not pressuring, criticizing, and being rude. She is waiting for the old me to surface. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Me - 44 Her - 35 S - 6 D - 8 Married - 8 Together - 11 Separated - 5/17/2014 Divorce filed - 6/3/2014
I've gone dark for the most part. Just passed the 5 week mark ilybnilwy. W is making lots if new friends and always on the go. There seems to be some mania to the situation. I hope things settle down for her soon. Anyway, I've continued to lose weight and I'm looking pretty darn good. Get lots of compliments from coworkers an notice women "checking me out" more frequently. I saw w today and I was wearing a shirt that I bought 3 years ago but wasn't able to wear because it was too small. I told w at the time I bought it that I was going to wear that shirt one day. It took losing 35 pounds to get to that point but I did it. Today she didn't seem to take notice. She was friendly to me and we talked briefly. She has a jeep and she wanted to show me some things that she had changed. I left with the kids shortly after. I dropped the kids off later and she was outside when I pulled up. as I was helping my son out of the car I noticed that she kept looking my direction. She never looked away. After I helped my son out she asked if she could get my opinion on something. She wanted my opinion on where she should place a sticker on her jeep. I gave my opinion without much fanfare. She held up another sticker to show me but didn't say anything. I asked her what it said and she told me it was a Celtic word. The name of some moon goddess that signifies rebirth and transformation. I said cool and was on my way shortly after. I always put way too much thought into what her actions or in actions mean. Maybe I'm still having trouble detaching. I'm just wondering if Going dark is still the best strategy for me. Would any of you take her actions as being a good sign, neutral, or am I putting too much thought into this? Also, her birthday is next Friday and I'm wondering if I should wish her happy birthday. Just a simple text. Not I love you , etc.., just happy birthday. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Me - 44 Her - 35 S - 6 D - 8 Married - 8 Together - 11 Separated - 5/17/2014 Divorce filed - 6/3/2014
^^^^ What Thornton said. And yes, you are reading too much into it. Until she talks specifically about the R and the two of you, you are just mind reading. Good work though.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Thornton and Pilot thank you both for the feedback. I know I read too much into it. I've had some trouble detaching. Haven't shown that directly to her but I always wonder if it comes across via body language, etc... What do you guys think about wishing her happy birthday?
Me - 44 Her - 35 S - 6 D - 8 Married - 8 Together - 11 Separated - 5/17/2014 Divorce filed - 6/3/2014
I've gone dark for the most part. Just passed the 5 week mark ilybnilwy. W is making lots if new friends and always on the go. There seems to be some mania to the situation. I hope things settle down for her soon. Anyway, I've continued to lose weight and I'm looking pretty darn good. Get lots of compliments from coworkers an notice women "checking me out" more frequently. I saw w today and I was wearing a shirt that I bought 3 years ago but wasn't able to wear because it was too small. I told w at the time I bought it that I was going to wear that shirt one day. It took losing 35 pounds to get to that point but I did it. Today she didn't seem to take notice. She was friendly to me and we talked briefly. She has a jeep and she wanted to show me some things that she had changed. I left with the kids shortly after. I dropped the kids off later and she was outside when I pulled up. as I was helping my son out of the car I noticed that she kept looking my direction. She never looked away. After I helped my son out she asked if she could get my opinion on something. She wanted my opinion on where she should place a sticker on her jeep. I gave my opinion without much fanfare. She held up another sticker to show me but didn't say anything. I asked her what it said and she told me it was a Celtic word. The name of some moon goddess that signifies rebirth and transformation. I said cool and was on my way shortly after. I always put way too much thought into what her actions or in actions mean. Maybe I'm still having trouble detaching. I'm just wondering if Going dark is still the best strategy for me. Would any of you take her actions as being a good sign, neutral, or am I putting too much thought into this? Also, her birthday is next Friday and I'm wondering if I should wish her happy birthday. Just a simple text. Not I love you , etc.., just happy birthday. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
5 weeks ain't enough weight loss. Also I'd be not ignoring her but so focused on myself and what I want to do that it wouldn't even come up. You have to do the things that work in these situations.
It's good she's giving you attention. Whats better is that she knows that you are enjoying life and has options.
