I think she deserved a response about the shorts, such as,
*** sorry that I was not available the other day. I would prefer to keep the swim shorts at my house so that both of our houses have swim shorts that he likes. I hope you had fun at BG. ***
Your emotions are getting in the way of your choices about how to handle her text temper tantrums. Deep breath, neutral state of mind, here is my take: - when she wants an answer and doesn't hear back, she gets wound up and fires a bunch more texts. That is not your problem and does not need to wind you up. Write back when it makes sense, and not when it doesn't. When you were on the boat it was impossible. - when she asks something logistical about your son, you should respond as soon as possible with your answer. That is just etiquette. - Your answer does not necessarily need to be the one she wants. You are perfectly fine saying no about the shorts but you should have said it as soon as possible, not passively by not responding. - You should not respond at all to any of the other stuff about how she's mad that you didn't respond, and what if something happened, and whatever other. You don't need to defend not-being-available. You're not going to get her to agree with you anyway, just let it all go. - You were definitely not available on the boat, fair enough. But having fun with your friends was not higher on the priority list than your X and son stressing about what he was going to wear to Busch Gardens. Right there you let your fear that she was going to spoil your good mood (which is YOUR choice if it happens), get in the way of giving your son an answer he was waiting for. I get it, that you expected your answer to turn into an argument, but it only becomes one if you join in. You can send an answer and refuse to argue about it.
Class honor and dignity are the best way to handle all these painful situations that come up. Don't let fear and antagonism get in the way of that, K?
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Most of the time I do respond to her text fairly quickly, especially when its about the boys. But lately the text are about little/petty things that she already has, or if not should go and buy herself. (Im sorry but there is no reason anyone should be sending a text at 2:00am about a roll of Wrapping Paper)
I agree with you that she gets wound up when I don't respond right away, and I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but for some reason it does.
So, I did end up responding to her text the following day, and the next day I received a text from WAW that read:
WAW - We need to talk at some point soon. ME - Im available this evening after 9:00, feel free to give me a call.
Im sure she wants to tell me how awful/wrong I am for not being available to her every beck and call. If that is the case, do I say something along the lines of that Im not always going to be available at a time that convenient for you and your every need. if something is a priority... kids grades, Conference's Health (physical and emotional) food, shelter etc I will do everything within my power/current circumstance to be available and openly communicate with you.
When It comes to the kids, I am always here for them.. But All of your other problems/needs/wants are not "my" problems anymore.
What do you guys think? Would that be an acceptable response?
Me: 39 W: 33 M: 9 years T: 10 years S7 S10 BD 10/19/13 W Filed 11/25/13 EA Confirmed 2/2/14 (no evidence of PA) WAW moved out 3/15/14
No. Don't say that. Action speaks louder than words. You have the right to feel hurt and want to latch out, but don't. Stop catering to her constant wanting your attention, through text, etc. Yes, she probably will go elsewhere to get the unhealthy attention. Do what Sandi's list says and stick with this DBing so you have a chance to save your M and family. She's needy, but let her find that out on her own.
