WAW Said She's Done- pt.5

[owl777]

Unfortunately, perhaps they were this way and we just didn't accept or see them for what they are. I know I wore rosey glasses and now don't need any. Give yourself some time and you may see that your spouse has always been this way and you just didn't see it. I am a person interested in personal growth, reading lots of self help, advice from others, etc. I assumed my spouse was the same. Never make assumptions. The more you get space and can observe from a safe distance, you may see a lot more. The constant contact is that she for whatever reason wants to be in the know. Has she always been this way? Or are you just seeing this for the first time?

[OneDay]

Unfortunately, perhaps they were this way and we just didn't accept or see them for what they are. Give yourself some time and you may see that your spouse has always been this way and you just didn't see it.

That's funny you say this, because I have been wondering the same thing.

The constant contact is that she for whatever reason wants to be in the know. Has she always been this way? Or are you just seeing this for the first time?

Interesting point. Yes, She has always been this way. I guess I thought things would be different once we were separated, but I guess not.

I still would like to speak with her Face to Face. We seem to communicate better when face to face, rather than over the phone or the dreaded text msg. You see, Ever since she dropped the bomb, we've had little to no communication. Even when we do talk its mainly about the kids.

[owl777]

I bet she wants to talk with you too. Don't. Keep conversations at the minimum and concerning your children. You, like all of us at some time, want this situation fixed asap. A quick fix isn't the answer. Concentrate on yourself and the kids. Let her stew over missing her constant friend contact. If she finds another to do this with, she would anyway. If she had an EA and then it developed into a PA, then it may be she's thinking she's missing something in that that she has with you. I'm not sure, but I do know it works faster to cut off her dependency on you and the family. Until she hits bottom and stops the PA and EA then you need to tough love it with her all the way. Read and read and keep talking with us.

[OneDay]

Im not so sure she wants to talk with me. She is a hard one to read, always has been. Im not sure if she is still involved with the OM or not. I dont bring it up and she would just deny it anyway. Im not even gonna go there.

So I texted her before I read your "Don't" comment.

ME: Just wanted to see if you would want to grab a cup of coffee and chat for a few?
WAW: Yeah, maybe so. What about the kids?

ME: No, but nothing serious, just a friendly chat. I understand if not.
WAW: Its ok, Im open to that. What time are you thinking if we meet up?

ME: Anytime after 6:30 would work for me. How about you?
WAW: I'll let you know! Gonna find out if Tina is going to the gym tomorrow night. May try n go tonight instead.. If it works, 6:30 is fine by me

ME: Lets say 7 to be safe, just let me know if your plans change.
WAW: Ok

Now Im having second thoughts. Im so confused here. I don't see what it could hurt if I have a chat with my WAW. Just to find out how she's doing. Every interaction we have is about the kids, period. Their schedule, their school, their clothes, Doctors appts, lunches etc etc.

I guess it comes down to I Miss My Friend, I miss my WAW.

[OneDay]

So we are not going to meet after all. WAW forgot that she is starting a women's bible study and tonights the first night.

Im not going to initiate anymore talks.

[OneDay]

So, the texts started again. I dropped the boys over at WAW on saturday at 1pm. I then went out fishing with some friends and didn't return home until 10:00pm. My phone was stored in a dry box on the boat, and I didnt take it out until I got home. I finally looked at my phone and had 3 missed calls and 5 texts from WAW.

The voice mail left at 6:30 was WAW asking if I could give her a call as she had a question about tomorrow (she's taking S10 to Bush Gardens)

Then the text which were from 9:00-10:00pm

9:08 WAW - Hey, been trying to get a hold of you. Can u call me ASAP?
9:30 WAW - Nevermind

10:30 WAW - So clearly you don't want to talk with me, despite my numerous efforts to just a simple question. So now Im texting you to say, please leave S-10 camo shorts in a bag on teh front porch for us to pick up in the morning. He said those were his favorite to wear to bush gardens.

10:32 WAW - All I have are school shorts or his swim shorts (so you must have some of his other play shorts at the house) Anyhow, I agree that those will be comfy him to wear, so pleaes put them out for us to pick up,

10:33 WAW - And for god sakes at lease send a txt back. What if something was actually wrong?

I didn't want to respond last night as my friends stayed over for a drink and we fillet the fish we caught. We had a great time and I didn't want to even reply to WAW and spoil the great day we had.

The shorts she's referring to are Swim Trunks, which she clearly stated she as a pair of. Also S-10 was also wearing a "Comfy" pair of basket ball style shorts when I dropped him off yesterday. So right there she has 2 options besides school shorts.

Im tired of the accusations she's throwing around (you clearly don't want to talk with me). Hell I want more than anything to talk with you. She does not want to talk with me, she needs something from my house.

WAW has no idea what I want or dont want. I want to respond to her stings of text and Let her know Im tired of her telling my what I want or don't want. She is "clearly" speculating and does this to me quite often. In one text she asks for me to call then a 1/2 hour later says never mind, then an hour later stats im avoiding her.

And the "What if something happened" line. Well it didn't, everything was fine and it may never happen. And what if something did happen, would she try and make me feel guilty for not checking my phone? I have no control of the "What If" and really can't worry about it.

Any help in a proper response, or if Im off base would be greatly appreciated.

[Georgiabelle]

One Day,

Any response should be short and simple. I have not read this entire thread, however WASs are generally very angry. You may be met with venom regardless of what you do.

I would respond to the "what if something happened?" There is nothing to say. Just a "I will send shorts with x" would be sufficient. I don't think you owe an explanation of why you didn't respond earlier. If I'm reading correctly, she moved out. Decisions have consequences. You can't be at her beck and call. Don't be rude. Just simple responses is the way I would go.

[Georgiabelle]

I'm sorry. Wouldn't respond to "what if something happened?"

[OneDay]

Well she wanted the shorts for this morning and I never put them on the porch. Im not sure if she ever stopped by and haven't received any further texts from her. I only have one pair of swim trunks for him, and she obviously has a pair too, so she didn't them anyway.

I dont know why she feels the need to constantly contact me about things she may need, when she should have everything.

I agree about not being there for her every beck and call, and I am not. But, I feel something to this extent needs to be said to her. Last night I almost sent her a text to the extent of "Stop with the accusations, you have no idea, what I want or dont' want." But I didnt' and still have not responded.

Should I say something or just let it go?

[Riley]

OneDay,

Let it go man. She wants to eat the emotional cake that you give her, so let her go hungry.

You're a great father, and if you aren't, be the best father of all time. Don't let her make you feel like dirt.

I haven't read your story, but I get the gist of whats going on. Focus on YOU! YOUR needs, YOUR wants. If she doesn't come back or she's not sure, be the spouse no woman would want to leave. Be confident, be outgoing and always be nice and kind to her face/texts.

If you're happy and independent, what else do you need in life?