Upwards - Needing support, tough times ahead

[Upwards]

It takes a lot of courage to get to where you are, Upwards. It is amazing how in some ways this has all been a gift, right? I don't know about you, but I never would have gotten to this place of strength unless this had happened to me. And no matter how much we have lost, that is one thing that will never be taken away from us.

Best of luck to you! And congratulations!

Thanks Claire! I'm so glad your feeling so strong!

Yes this process has absolutely been a very valuable gift and I really am thankful for it in so many ways, if it hadn't have happened I would still be in a toxic relationship, very unhappy & with no self-esteem, confidence or self-worth. I have found a strength inside me that I didn't know existed - I know who I am & where I want my life to go now, I have confidence in the person that I am and that is something that I had lost in my R with H.

I may have lot my marraige but I've found MYSELF and that is truly priceless!

[owl777]

Get yourself in a 12 step group for yourself. Try ALANON if you haven't already. We can help you so much, but these other people can really relate with addictions and how they affect families. Believe me it will be the best thing you can do for you and the kids, and perhaps that H of yours.

[Breakdown]

Couple of things I wanted to chime in on.

As far as dating goes, think about that. Most people start dating way too early. For me, I made a decision that I wouldn't date until I was D'd....not for W, but because of how much I respect M. I didn't want to look back and ever think, "I wish I'd have done that different."

As far as standing for your M....that is a personal choice. Some people don't stand long, others stand for years. No one can make that decision but you. When I was in the middle of it, I decided I would stand until I became "the man only a fool would leave." At that point, if she still wanted out, then she was a fool and I didn't want that for myself. I never regretted that decision.

Lastly, make sure you keep your kids in the forefront of your thoughts. There's a lot more going on there than you can imagine. As you start really detaching, you're going to see some effects in/on them.

Regarding friends/family...this isn't new news. DB/DR speaks directly to this. Of course they want you to move on....they want you to be happy as quickly as possible. Don't let them make the decision for you....you decide when you are finished standing.

Forgiving....extremely important. Not just your H though...forgive yourself for your part in this as well.

I think you're doing great....but as you face some of these terribly difficult choices, make sure you step back and look at the big picture. Make sure you move forward without regret.

[Breakdown]

Lastly....

OK, I wasn't done yet

[Upwards]

As far as dating goes, think about that. Most people start dating way too early.

I have no intention of rushing into a relationship or anything like that, I just feel ready to open the door of possibility, i'll be taking it slowly & if its too soon for me then I can wait a while longer.

As far as standing for your M....that is a personal choice. Some people don't stand long, others stand for years. No one can make that decision but you. When I was in the middle of it, I decided I would stand until I became "the man only a fool would leave." At that point, if she still wanted out, then she was a fool and I didn't want that for myself. I never regretted that decision.

It is painful to stand by and watch my H move on with is life, date other women & completely disregard his marriage vows and in turn disrespect me as his wife. There is only so much rejection a person can take & i've come to a point where his constant negativity and way of life only brings me pain, he brings nothing positive to my life at this time - I am unwilling to be in that position anymore, I deserve better & if he can't see that then it really is his loss! He's even told me that he's a fool to leave an amazing woman like me, but he's still left.... so yes he's a FOOL lol.

I would have done everything it takes to work at my marriage & create a relationship that both myself and my H were happy with but he's made his decision on the path that he wants to take and I have to respect that. I feel like I'm where I need to be right now & I have found a lot of peace with that.

Lastly, make sure you keep your kids in the forefront of your thoughts. There's a lot more going on there than you can imagine. As you start really detaching, you're going to see some effects in/on them.

They are absolutely and ALWAYS at the forefront of my mind, I would never do anything that would impact on them in a negative way and I'm supporting them through this as best I can they're doing much better because i'm doing better I think.

I think you're doing great....but as you face some of these terribly difficult choices, make sure you step back and look at the big picture. Make sure you move forward without regret.

Thank you, I havent made any of these decisions lightly - as always I appreciate your advice & perspective Breakdown.

[JennD]

Hi Upwards. I know this is a hard position yet somehow the weight of the world will be lifted off your shoulders.

I think you need to do what you feel is best for you. Only you can decide that. And good for you for making ANY decision. I know I feel paralized when it comes to the future.

Upwards and onwards, my friend!

[Upwards]

We now have OW2 on the scene, he doesn't mess around moving onto the next!! Sad but not surprised, hurts but I'll get over it - truly hope she makes him happy, even though it kills me to say that!

Very sad today, lots of tears, divorce getting closer & it makes me feel sick even though I know it's what I need to do!

Yuck, yuck, yuck!!

[Barrybran]

At least you know you're making the right choices for yourself. Karma will come both of your ways

[Ggrass]

Yeah, I really relate upwards.

I want to meet new people, if that's going to turn into some thing more then great. I feel like you why should I sit at home doing the married but lonely single road, when h is moving on a break neck speed, him and his ow will be moving in and engaged.

I can at least and you too have some social friends in your life. Datings not all about relationships and ml! This time I might get a real keeper.

You never know the world works in strange ways, friend said last night that the attorney general at the social do I went to that was chatting me up and bought us drinks is single. My friends is going into what she calls social engineering mode on him. Rolls eyes!

Faints!

[JennD]

Oh Upwards, that stinks! Try not to focus on H and his baggage. Easier said than done, I'm sure. Get busy and keep focusing on you...

{{hugs}} Keep posting. We're here for you...