exercise review taxes work look at houses on mls listings figure out what my deal states, then determine what I can comfortably afford. work more hopefully read a chapter of my book work with xbf (?) maybe tonight: women's group meeting (desperately looking forward)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Also, I catch myself going into autopilot with my thoughts that take me to thoughts of him and his feelings/reactions/doings..... I am trying with all my might to switch that thought (when it pops in) and take it back to "what does Magic want to do", "what does Magic feel about that", etc....... its a struggle, but I feel that at least now I am able to recognize where and what I need to do to get my head screwed back on straight. .... It doesn't matter about him! I matter!
Today, I am angry..... I hate being in the position I am. But, I know its me who keeps me in this position. Hopefully its just a temporary thought and not my feeling for the whole day. Its raining here... probably has a lot to do with my mood. Just checked, apparently PMS too.
.... I am worthy!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Magic, Your activities for today, sound doable and should keep you busy.
I do understand the switching of thoughts and you are the only one that can put the "autopilot" in the off position. Yes, you are the only one that matters.
Yes, you have every right to be angry, but you are the only one that can push yourself from the "stuck" position. So, any thoughts on what Magic can do to pull herself out of that rut and get back on smooth ground and move ahead?
Yes, you are worthy.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I just bumbled into your posts. I read a bit at the very beginning and then now- at the end some. I am surprised and have to say- you sure have alot of bossy old people TELLING YOU what to do, how to do it , what to think, hurry up and do it, hurry up and "just listen" and thank them to boot. wtf/???? is going on in your thread???
My take on this forum & it's Purpose: I thought anything offered up here- to each other- was with an eye toward helping out someone in the same boat - in a kindly way. ONLY THAT- an OFFER of what each of us thought we had to share. even if it's a kind word on a rotten day.
No amount of "pushing" makes a person feel something they don't. It's all got to "come to" us in our own time. You cannot "make it happen". no one can- we can't even MAKE ourselves feel what we don't.
i have no idea what motivates these people to feel free to "demand" of you x, y or z. You only have to just be who you are- read thru and take what you can that is good and can apply, and keep workin on it, on you. It allllll happens in it's own time. (for all of us) (well, this is my personal belief anyway).
i am no glowing success here. I'm lots "better" than when i began. A work in progress. We're all just people workin on our own personal mess of a life. everyone wants to jump up and down and tell you "just shut up and do this- then you will be detached and go on your merry way". it's not true- you have to puzzle your own way thru - in your time - in your own (or my own) bumblie way....
it's just not all that simple. you and me, everyone, has to weed thru a lifetime of "junk" - self, with h or w, with r, ta da.
it's a daunting task- i don't believe there is a hard and fast timeline - so i don't think all the people really (it sounds like it anyway) being all hard on you and bullying you a bit and so on- well, is it really their "right"??? to demand action, results, judge? etc.
we're all here to listen- help - speak our little "truth" so on. i'm just throwing in my own little two cents here- this forum has helped me alot. it should be a place of kindness, understanding, maybe some (kindly) nudging forward - certainly not criticism, pushing & so on . just me- take it for what it's worth.
a thought:
DESIDERATE - by Max Ehrmann
"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; They too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in our business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself, especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE UNIVERSE NO LESS THAN THE TREES AND THE STARS; you have a right to be here. AND WHETHER or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all it's sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful, Strive to be happy.
I THINK VERY PROBABLY- THIS IS TRUE and worthy of consideration.
i think all of us- all of our lives - have taken many years to become what they are today. Maybe we share "fault" - maybe not - for what is going on in our lives with our mates. It's hard and soul-sucking. Just hang on and keep tryin- that's all one can do.
I hope your day is okay- you don't need to "answer" to anyone but your own little self- your heart, your conscience, etc.
MM, I forgot how much I needed "me" time. I've been enjoying a whole bunch of things that I forgot I loved. I stay busy with my children but the best medicine for me is just enjoying being outside in the sun. Don't know if you get a chance but a walk about lets me clear my head and gather my thoughts. I wish you the best and although I'm very green at this I'll encourage you every step. Keep your chin up and be you.
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
As you know, I have followed your threads for a long time.
(As an aside, I absolutely agree with golfmom's comments at the beginning of this thread and as you also know, I have pointed that out before on your other threads).
I really, really agree with Job's questions that she posed to you a few postings back. Use those questions to define what it is that you want.
You don't KNOW, Magic that your xBF wants committment. He does not know it himself - all of his words and actions have told you that.
If you are OK "dating" to see if he fits, great. But what is your plan if he, in fact, never commits of his own accord?
That is why you need to examine YOU and be comfortable with who YOU are.
I also very much agree with job's last post; you have all the tools and now need to learn to apply them through actions. I look forward to seeing true growth through your introspection and action.
HI... Thanks for popping in whytry... I do understand the importance of "me" time. I do spend quiet time reading self-help stuff, go for long walks, enjoy DD time. Otherwise I work a lot... and on weekends socialize with friends.. I keep busy. Thanks for your support & good luck to you as well.
Gabby ~ not sure what thats all about.
Portia... I went looking back to see Golfmoms comments, this one?:
"Some of the comments on this thread are just down right cruel. MM is finding her way. Why not applaud and encourage her on her journey. It takes some longer than others to understand the advice that they've been asking for and that's ok. Some of the people here are very fragile and need to be encouraged to seek professional counseling. No one here is a substitute for that. In fact, poor advice can do harm. I believe this forum was started as a place where people can be vulnerable and share with others in similar circumstances. If not, it should be shutdown. Maybe it's time for some of you to move on."
To answer the questions from Job (when turned around from my statements): I am looking at:
1. Who am I? ~ working on being a strong, independent woman who values herself.
2. What do I need, want and expect from a man and a relationship? I want commitment, honesty, love & adoration, appreciation.
3. How can I be in a relationship of any kind with him without violating my standards or giving up what I want and need? By being cautious along the way. Watching for red flags and holding firm to what I want and need (when the time comes).
What am I willing to accept in the way of his terms/conditions for a relationship? I am willing to accept "exclusive dating" temporarily... so we can explore the possibility of a new "workable" relationship.
If he NEVER commits, then I will see that, soon... and accept it. The thing is... I know he loves me and misses our relationship. He said it again on Saturday. He says he does want to be in a committed relationship. I know he is skeptical to commit and BE in one with me, as he fears I will pin him to it. He fears I will trap him into something he didn't come to the decision on his own accord. This is why he is willing to be exclusive dating, for now. I hear his fear. I know it comes from me 20 years ago, landing on his doorstep without a place to live & looking for a partner to help parent my DD. THIS time, I want the decision to be his.... when he is ready.
I will give him "some" time... not forever, not a long time either... But an opportunity to let him decide what he wants for himself. Meanwhile, I will date him back & see if he fits... (i like your term Portia, going to steal it)
If he never commits, then I will move on & be happy with someone else who chooses to commit to me.
YES!!! I am examining me and still working on who I am.
I like how you say "applying them through actions"... at the moment I need to figure out what my action is. How do I action my personal value without losing self? The only answer I can come up with.. is to be very cautious, not rush things with him, no sex (as much as I want too), no pressure on either end, and to view things as I am "checking him out", interviewing him, watching for red flags...
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Magic, I am very confident that you will figure out your action plan. The toolbox is there and all you have to do is open it up and start applying what has been shared w/you. I know you can do this. You know exactly what you need to do...all you have to do is make some decisions and not be afraid to do so. That's why God put erasers on pencils, i.e., to help with correcting errors.
You can do this. I know you can.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Xbf just called... he started discussing information from this real estate agent who he has an attraction or vise versa with.... this lead to me questioning him if he was being exclusive to me... He said that he will continue to discuss business/real estate information with her, but not anything personal. No daily calls, etc. I informed him that I am not committing to him unless he is prepared to be exclusive. He agrees we are exclusive. He believes that while "dating" it is important to be exclusive. I said it does not mean that we are committed. That there is no expectations. He said because you never know (married or not) who you might meet at a gas station/grocery store. I agree.
He wants me to send him via text the rules of exclusivity....
Exclusive: safe environment from outside persons hurting your chances at enjoying each others company. No relationships with others (verbal or sexual), sex is permitted.
Am I missing anything?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Magic, Do you feel comfortable with your description? If so, then own it and share it w/him. If you think you've missed something, what would you normally do? How would you go about defining exclusive?
As I mentioned yesterday, I'm listening. commiserating and encouraging you from now on. I am not going to provide you w/advice, suggestions or guidance...it's time for you, Magic, to start doing the hard work. The only way to do that is to put your focus back on you and what you need to do to make decisions.
I think you are afraid of making decisions and that's why you continue to seek answers and have the same topics discussed repeatedly on your threads. As long as posters continue to provide you w/the same answers repeatedly, are debating w/you and even debating w/other posters about you and your situation, your focus will not be on making decisions for yourself and your situation, i.e., rather keep the situation going w/o every making some hard decisions that you need to make for yourself.
Magic, don't be afraid. We all make decisions each and every day and sometimes they are good and other times not so good, however, we learn from decisions and that's what helps w/growth, independence and happiness.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am totally afraid of making decisions... which is why I am now forcing myself to do things, I feel from my heart/gut....regardless of outcome.
This is what I am going to text, I will own it and share it with him:
It seems as tho we both are scared and want to be sure things are good and successful before we commit again.
This is what exclusive means to me, what do u think?
A safe environment from outside persons hurting our chances at enjoying each others company. No physical/sexual/flirty or time spent with romantic interests. Trusting there isn't an agenda to explore outside possibilities. Sex is permitted, if ready.
~~~~~~~ will post the outcome
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
