Okay, so I'm starting a new thread because I feel like I'm on a different battle field now. W walked out almost 5 months ago and in that time has gone from not wanting to talk to me outside of managing our S to wishing she felt differently, but doesn't. She feels like we are good friends now and cares greatly about me but not in love with me.
In my perspective, this is the friend zone. I was afraid of this because I don't know that I can be good friends with this woman after 9 years of marraige and her WAW handling of our M. Is this a good thing or a bad thing and where does this situation typically lead?
Also, does this require a change in tactics?
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
I am in the same situation as you and I wish I knew what to do. I told her straight out before I read DR I can't be her friend BUT because she's a live-in I get to practice my newfound communication skills and I tell you it has been making a difference. Maybe you should use that time to learn and use new communication skills then see where it leads.
Me 43 W 43 S 10 (Special Needs) M: 14 yrs T: 18 yrs Bomb: 09/16/12 Filed for D: WHO KNOWS???
My H wants me in this zone at the moment but it's way too painful, not going to happen, maybe way into the future but not for a long time. I'm either his wife or not, he can't have the best of all worlds.
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
I told my wife "if you leave our marriage like this, I have absolutely zero desire to be your friend, and I feel like I should be clear with you about that."
She told me it was THE single thing that she missed most about our marriage -- my friendship -- when she decided to end her affair and come back.
I do think it's a little different when there's infidelity involved, but I am NOT of the "be their best friend" camp. I did tell her "However, if you decide to end your affair, come back and work on our marriage with me, and if after some period of time -- say, 12-18 months -- it doesn't look like it's working, then I do think we could end the marriage amicably and end up being friends."
