Yea, I get you with the closure thing. It would be nice to get it, although those old bones don't talk anymore when they get kicked around in the closet.
I would venture that there is still a part of him, and your life together that you miss occasionally.
When that happens for me, I try to just accept that my life then was pretty good, and my life now is even better. Yet there is a part of me that ties those old memories, and that it is okay to miss that.
I would worry more if you DIDN'T miss certain aspects of your old life.
You had a history together. Many wonderful, memory building years that the Gavel can NEVER erase.
For me, I have come to accept that I don't miss the person that my X is now. I miss the girl that walked down the aisle to me many years ago. Once I found THAT perspective, things fell into place, and they come and go rarely now.
I think THAT is the person that we tend to focus on more so than who they are now.
Yes things are very well here I could have not asked for a better life for myself I actually like being single working mother and have a lot of fun with my kids and friends
Im also very grateful I found a way to let go many years ago of my xh for the most part without holding anger and bad wishes I have trained myself to wish them the best every time his name comes up in my head..he deserves that as we all do
thanks again for your posts I appreciate them Peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I did get an apology.....and I do believe it was sincere. But nothing changed. He hasn't changed at all. I share this because I thought maybe the apology was a glimmer of hope that he was seeing the light and that it would give me some understanding and some answers. Not for our relationship.....that proverbial ship has sailed.....but rather for the kids. While their relationship is better it is because the kids are more accepting of his shortcomings (meaning his failure to show up, lack of calls, etc.). So, at least in my case, the apology provided no closure.
I have also had to deal with this for seven years and I have come to the conclusion that he is a lifer.....he will never come out of his tunnel. I will never understand how he could have hurt so many, but I have accepted it and have somewhat moved on. It's still not easy when he blows the girls off or makes an insensitive comment to them, but I have long accepted that I can't prevent or fix that.
You are incredibly kind and seemingly in a good place to be able to wish him the best when you think of him....and to be able to say he deserves that. I don't know that I will ever achieve that.
I'm glad to hear you are doing well and happy. You deserve that!!!
So nice to see you here again Glad to hear you and the girls are doing well and moving forward Thanks for stopping by!
I had a realization last week I realized I had not fully grieved my XH fully I think I always saw a better ending..one where he would "wake up" and we could be friendly and co parent together I was waiting for the end -the reconnection phase and I think it affected my current R with BF of 5 years now- Anyway I think I got in touch with the final grief and I am once again letting go This time I am only looking at reality..and XH may not ever come out of crises and it is no longer my business I wish him the best but I do not need anything from him anymore My kids are fully my responsibility and I am grateful they never had to deal with the OW now Wife D 18 son almost 13 They are growing up fine and exactly the way God intended Grateful for all that is and all the crises has taught me Peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I have trained myself to wish them the best every time his name comes up in my head..he deserves that as we all do
And this ^^^^ is a great place to be!
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Hi peace- I'm so sorry your xh still hasn't been able to own up to his kids and be a father....however, they are still so blessed to have you for a mom!...and in some way blessed they don't have to deal with their fathers problems.
Glad to hear that you are doing the final bit of grieving that you need to do and moving toward acceptance of the tragedy of the situation with your xh. If your xh can at some point reach out to your kids in a healthy way, that would be a great thing but as we learned here so long ago, you can have no expectations.
I've thought of you often wondering how you were doing. Other than this curve ball, it sounds like you've been doing well. I hope that's true. I haven't had much time to post lately but for the last 4 or 5 months, my xh and I have been spending a lot of time together. He seems so much more like the man I married but yet tells me that I have changed. I suppose I have...how can you make it through something like this without massive amounts a self-reflection and growth! No matter what happens, I'll be fine.
Take care and continue to be thankful for all the good things in your life.
I think that many of the old timers here wish for a better ending - one in which some sort of relationship is possible - to co-parent, co-grandparent etc.
We see article links posted in which people divorced and met up again and re-connected, but in MLC land I am not sure that happens much. Upside is the exception - most of these people are hard-core!
Like you I see the crazy women that my xh has hooked up with and can only shake my head. Realising that this is as good as it gets, and the best thing is that they actually leave us alone, is a hard lesson. Nothing about this is normal.
I think you are right some of the mlcers here are hard core and there might not ever be a way thru the crises for them We can't compare them with our friends and their D If they leave us alone that is the best thing This is the part I need to really get It would have been so much harder with him here
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I haven't had much time to post lately but for the last 4 or 5 months, my xh and I have been spending a lot of time together. He seems so much more like the man I married but yet tells me that I have changed. I suppose I have...how can you make it through something like this without massive amounts a self-reflection and growth! No matter what happens, I'll be fine.
Good for you UP! I am actually not that surprised by this.
