Keeping the secret

[Matt165]

As the H of a WAS whose father left her family when she was 10 (he was definitely MLC! Her brother was 6 at the time), had almost no contact with her and the little she did was almost always "bad" (he did awful things, never paid Child support, drug the divorce out 10 years so the kids would be of age and he could keep as much money away from exW as possible, put his business in OW's name to keep out of divorce, married OW after divorce was final and didn't bother to even tell his daughter, her GF had to tell her, the list goes on)and now that she is having an MLC of her own, he has been "helping" her any way he can to get her to leave me and her kids. He is the only person who thinks she is doing the right thing, tells her that the only way to "grow" and be "happy' is on her own as being married will only hold her back (she is 47!).

This man NEVER got out of his MLC. He told her 7 years ago that he wanted to make up for all the bad he had done (after his father died)but only her, NOT her husband and kids as he felt she was wasting her life as a stay at home mother! My W has wanted his love and respect her whole life and could never get it. It hurt her, gave her trust issues, affected every part of her life. Now she see's a way to get that love but to get it, she has to do what HE did and in her MLC rattled mind it's her chance!

Sometimes it's better to keep the kids as far away from the MLCer as possible. We all want our kids to have a good relationship with both parents but I have seen the damage they can cause, damage that is now costing my W dearly! Be careful and I wish you the best.

[BrightFuture]

CC, so sorry to hear that your kids hurt by H’s behavior. There is nothing you can do except to help them through this and hope that they will adjust.

What do you mean by “H has stopped my money and sacked me from our business”? Is he paying you some child support money? Did you consult an attorney about this? Sorry if I missed this from your previous posts.

[kml]

H has stopped my money and sacked me from our business,

You need to get an attorney, now, to protect your rights. I don't know how the laws in your country will protect you, but you need to do this as soon as possible.

[CallaghanClown]

Thanks guys

No contact with H this week. I took the kids to see him on Sunday for a few hours and its been nothing but drama from D6 since. H wouldn't make any arrangements to see the kids, so I made the decision to take them to see him. The kids then wouldn't go with him alone, so I took them to the park for a few hours to play with him. H cried a lot, the kids cried a lot. They were just so confused. I've had to answer some very adult questions from D6 again....I didn't think there were any more adult questions she could possible ask.

I'm very conscious to let her talk as much as she wants to. I absolutely never tell her to stop, never refuse to answer. I do tell her some things are 'adult' and not for her to worry about BUT that if she is worried I am happy to talk about it.

I'm feeling the consequences of 'be careful what you wish for'. I didn't want any contact with H, and now I have none I'm panicking. I feel terribly for my kids, as I know they love their daddy, but they are so affected by his behaviour every time they spend time with him.

I'm having a really down day today. I dreamt about H all night and have woken exhausted and fed up. I absolutely know this feeling wont last, but it bites hard when I've been doing so well. These backwards days are all part of the journey, but they aren't my favourite days.

[Italian]

*HUGS* CC,

I remember when my parents divorced when I was a kid... for years and years my mother kept the secret of just how badly my father behaved with her, and with me behind my back, both to salvage his reputation and not to put me through any more stress. She finally told me all about it last week when I found myself in a similar situation. My grandma went through it also, although albeit being from a different generation, she stayed with grandpa.

I have nothing but HUGE respect for women who have to go through this stuff having to hold back their feelings for the sake of the children involved. You're awesome. Just thought you should know!