25, I bet I would love your whole WAS/MLC routine. There really is some good material around here.
Humor is so important to me. If you don't have a sense of humor, what do you have? How miserable it would be if we could not find some humor in our sitches?
Luckily, my H makes it easy by being so ridiculous.
The most ridiculous part, though, is that he doesn't even realize how ridiculous he is.
Like your friend who said honesty was so important when it came to sleeping with OM. How do people say things like that, and not realize the absurdity? It bogles the mind. I am really kind of curious - more like fascinated, actually. The human brain works in some really weird ways sometimes.
Maybe I will go back to school for a psych degree. I wonder if I can make my H pay for that in the D.
Paul, I will catch up on your thread and reply more there. But wanted to say, I imagine it is something of a relief for the WAS when the LBS files, because they feel that the blame can shift over to us, and it relieves their guilt. I know my H really prefers to play the role of the victim or martyr (he has done it throughout our M), so I get all this BS about how I betrayed him and damaged our trust and trashed our relationship.
I really feel like I want to start a petition to add an eye roll emoticon option . . . I feel like I need it a lot on this board.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Melissa, I have followed along with your situation from the beginning because your husband seems to be acting the same as my H although mine left much earlier, today a year ago.
You recently posted that he said something along the lines of, this wasn't what he wanted. Yes you were shocked I know because he initiated the whole thing right?
I am writing to you because my H left me and has maintained since he left that I am the one that made him leave. When he told me that I almost passed out from the shock of hearing it, especially when I begged him to go to counseling, cried, pleaded, etc.
My husband is in a high ranking of law enforcement. He thinks he's invincible. He has managed to tell everyone that I'm the one that made him leave. Do you think they concoct these things in their mind and just start believing them so they don't even have to face the truth of what they have done?
M:40 H:42 M: 12yrs BD: 2/1/13 H moved out: 2/22/13 D: 11 Divorce started 11/13
Well one thing you can count on with your H, he is consitantly, inconsistent.
You sound like like you are seeing him in a new light, like your fog has lifted. I really liked your post about how you see your life now. Very positive and true. It inspired me.
M45 H46 M16 yrs D17, D10, D7 DB 1-23-2014 H filed D 2-14-2014
I'm thrilled to have some company in my boat! Oh, crap. Wait. Your update genuinely svcks. But can I say along with everyone else that your humor has always been your strength. 25, I bet your routine was a real hoot!
Remember I told you what my XH said about naming me as the petitioner? "I gave you the divorce you wanted." For the record, I never wanted a D either. But after 2 years of living in limbo and 2 confused girls, I told him it was time to sh!t or get off the pot. He's told people all along that I forced his hand. I can tell you that no rational person IRL will ever believe that your H is the victim here. He's delusional and has no concept how to connect the dots between actions/words and consequences. What a dolt!
But just color me surprised at the lengths he's willing to go to needle you.
Besides, after last night's debacle against the Bulls, who wants to see the game anyway. Double pain...
Have a great Saturday!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Well, I guess the kids get a reprieve from their misery, for now.
Text from H this morning:
It's clear to me this morning that I have too much anger right now to have a good conversation with you and the kids about the divorce. Let's table this conversation until a later time and if we can't get to a point of peace, let's do it separately. This is not something to which I want to expose the kids.
Not quite sure what that means . . . as far as I can tell from our convo last night (which, from my end, was quite peaceful), he is angry that I filed and that I will not tell the kids that the decision to D was made jointly.
Of course, I am tempted to ask what he is angry about, and talk with him about it, but I know better . . . he will just push the shame and blame over to me.
mj and Mama, thanks for your posts!! I can only imagine that they want to put the blame on us because it lightens the load on them, but who knows what they are thinking?
I guess I am seeing him how he is now. I have been seeing this for a while, but resisting it. Wishing he was someone else. Hoping he would change. Trying to find ways to show that I was wrong. But he just keeps showing me, every day, who he is. I hate it, and I still hope that someday he changes, but I am closer to accepting that way he is right now, and dealing with him accordingly.
It goes back to that Maya Angelou gem:
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Could we start a thread for the things the WAS says that are ridiculous?
Mine H..I am not having an affair. I decided 2 weeks ago the marriage was over. M But I didnot know . H. I hadn't told you but it was over so this is not an affair.
Me:Trying to come to terms with the first comment. Are you planning to see other women as well as the OW? H: ( shocked tone) don't be ridiculous I am not like that! M: (pinched self to test for reality)
Melissa I remember your first posts.. you have come so far..what an inspiration. ?.
Could we start a thread for the things the WAS says that are ridiculous?
Mine H..I am not having an affair. I decided 2 weeks ago the marriage was over. M But I didnot know . H. I hadn't told you but it was over so this is not an affair.
Me:Trying to come to terms with the first comment. Are you planning to see other women as well as the OW? H: ( shocked tone) don't be ridiculous I am not like that! M: (pinched self to test for reality)
Melissa I remember your first posts.. you have come so far..what an inspiration. ?.
Ah but there IS such a thread (who says we can't make another updated one?)
The "Wacky things MLCers/WASs say, existed in "back in MY DAY"...and might be around.
But I recall a few to start with (in addition to your h's, which makes NO sense to me, even for a WAH, which is saying a lot)
So in addition to the previously mentioned
"of course I tell my h when I sleep with OMs. IF you don't have honesty in a marriage, how are you going to have TRUST???" (SIDENOTE: when she said that, we were in a restaurant and 'catching up', and I literally took out a piece of paper to write it down. She asked me why and I said "it's hilarious". She seemed miffed...
In contrast to what YOUR h said about Affairs, (geez, it's there's NO consensus with the MLC/WAS).
B/c at least 3-4 said things like"
"It's Not an affair if I tell you about it",
and "I had already moved out when you found out about OP..."
"If you had compromised even a little, maybe we wouldn't have had to Divorce...
(The LBS h "refused to compromise" b/c the w was "still confused" after nearly a year long A, and wanted to stay in the house and Not seeing OM... EXCEPT "when [she] just HAD to"....
Hmmm, I forgot how to start a new thread. Dang it has been awhile...
Can someone do that and insert these contributions as I go back to find the 100s we had before, AND welcome more from the LBSers.
I found it VERY comforting to laugh and know that others were "with" me.
I hope that doesn't mean "misery loves company," so much as "thank God I'm not alone in this".
I also knew the potential of someone else's experience or wisdom helping, was crucial.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25- just started a thread- can someone else copy comments on to it?! I'm on my iPad and not sure how to accomplish this with a touchscreen...
what is the name of the thread?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
A quick fly-by as I am on roation in taking care of my 86-year old grandmother who had a really bad fall a while ago.
"It's clear to me this morning that I have too much anger right now to have a good conversation with you and the kids about the divorce. Let's table this conversation until a later time and if we can't get to a point of peace, let's do it separately. This is not something to which I want to expose the kids."
I smiled quietly at this text from your H. It is patently clear that H is very flummoxed by your text drawing the line in going to the game with him. He sees your quiet strength, sees that you will not be sucked into his play in playing "happy families" for public consumption, and senses a shift in you.
So he's backing away to re-group and figure out a different way to needle you and push your buttons to suit his self-serving needs.
Be on high alert for the next charge coming straight at you right out of his foxhole. Sit still and monitor H form afar.
