Busting, stopping by to say hello. I see that you remain strong and learning as you travel this rough path.
I would add that we often want to find a "diagnosis" like MLC, but what matters is that we learn to see our own sitch for its uniqueness and focus on how WE can become better people as a result of what we went/are going through. Love to you.
So h arrived tonight. It's been over a month since the last visit. During the past month we have communicated very nicely with each other. There is no big initiation from him. I wonder about that. He is kind and does reciprocate and even engage in some conversations. He offers information without me prompting and so on.
So he arrived tonight and we were all so happy. I was wondering if he was going to stay here on this trip and it seems he is unsure. He stayed for awhile and then left saying he might come back.
I am not - as much as I can with my knowledge understanding - pressuring. I encourage him to feel comfortable. My actions and words are authentic. I am and have let him go in love. I am living my life without him and without the expectation of him wanting so come back to us. My life has not stopped and I am being the support to my kids with the best I can - I am continuously - daily- hourly - trying to be the best support and mother I can to them. With love. It's all out of love.
I am happy - and. When I feel fear I work through it. I want h to come back and I know ill be still me if he doesn't. It's not a desperate feeling. It's a miss. I miss him. I miss my friend. I don't think he misses me and I am still learning to be ok with that. That's still hard on me.
There have been two conversations we had that have stood out for me. One was a phone call while he was away and he said to me ' I bet you want to push me out of a plane' and. I said no. I don't.
The other was tonight and he told me he did feel some resentment towards me because I was not involved enough in our finances. I told him that I thought he didn't want me involved.
I realise there is so much non and miscommunication between us. However - we need opportunities/time to speak together. I hope that we can create this time someday. For more understanding.
And regardless- I am still going to move forward with my kids' lives and mine. Although I want to mind read my H's head - I will refrain because really- what do I know? I know what I see right now. He arrived- he spent time with me and the kids and left to a party. He said he might come back and might not. That's all I know about H tonight.
What I know about me? I am good. Have plans tomorrow and tomorrow night with my girlfriends. Have some work to do. A book I am reading, a project at work I am finishing off. Life. It's happening and I won't let me and the kids miss out on it. I am happy with what I have built and continue to build. That's all.
My kids want their daddy back so much. And their happiness is my guide. Whether he comes back or not- being the best I can for them is my motivation.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
It's like we had had this big push forward over the past 5 months in terms if communication and his friendship with his pre MLC friends and the kids. But with me it's like it's come to a standstill - something shifted and became positive but nothing to hold on to . He is not ready I get that - I feel like I am in a weird place though- he doesn't shut me down like before- he contemplates staying here- we have a decent realationship and do well with the kids. I try and just keep going regardless of wanting more and regardless of him in general- i
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I think it makes me feel like our friendship never met as much to him. I thought - felt - we were close - that we had a Frienship that was the basis for everything else. When he doesn't seem to value that- it makes me wonder.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I think I realise is that it doesn't matter what I want in my sitch - becUse I can't control that. What matters is how I respond to what is presented to me and remember my decision to live with happiness or not.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I have moments where I really embrace how different my H is today. He may look somewhat the same, he may even sound the same sometimes...but, the reality is that he is very different and I don't really know him anymore. I feel sad when I get honest about how far away he has allowed himself to drift. But, it's also a decent reality check to see that I don't understand where his head is at, any way shape or form. He is truly an alien. I don't get it and I'm may never get it. He isn't reacting to this abnormal situation like a normal person. In fact, he created the abnormal situation in the first place. I have to stop expecting him to act like a normal human being. He just isn't right in the head right now. No one in their right mind would pull the crap he has.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Busting, good to hear from you. Remember Job’s post on reconnection? The reconnection with the spouse happens last.
I looks like your H is thinking hard about reconnection with you. But he is afraid that you will not accept him if he would come back. At the same time, he is still trying to find a reason to be resentful to you. It is like he is trying hard to convince himself that he made the right choice leaving you. I suspect it is not working for him anymore, but he is still far from accepting it. He is still testing the waters.
You are doing great. Leave it up him to deal with the kids. You cannot persuade him to be a better father, he has to do the work. Treat him like a “long lost relative” – I think these are Job’s words. See, I’ve leant something, LOL. If I could only apply it to my own sitch…
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright- you are right.. I know you are. I am becoming very impatient. This is my current problem. I'd rather he not come visit at all unless he was coming back to us.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I just read your thread and you have done an awesome job. You can see that you have gotten stronger with each post. Hang in there, it looks like h is coming around slowly. Keep living life for yourself and your kids.
Busting, thank you for your post the other day! Go back to the alt so I can tell you about the book. Meanwhile, know that I'm sending you love and hope.
