[Maritimer]

That was definitely a factor in the breakdown in our marriage. Between work, becoming new parents we had no time to fulfill our personal needs. Including our relationship, like a living organism it wasn’t nurtured so it withered and died.

I had lots of time to work on improving myself, which I am so proud of what I accomplished over this time apart. I am now confident enough to help guide my children and wife if she chooses, to be a fun successful happy family.

I made positive healthy choices for the future of me & my children and if she wants to join us along the way, great. If not I know it will all work out for the best.

[Maritimer]

I believe I identified a reason why I want to send her a letter. Fear.

Im not sure how she is going to react with my request to ask for more time with my children. We seem to be getting along well now so I fear this will "rock the boat".

Its not a bad thing what I am doing, Maybe she is open to this idea?

Would me sending her a note asking if this separation is still what she wants a huge backslide?

Ultimately I would love to have my family reunited but I am fully prepared for the challenges of part time single parenting.

Should I send the letter first, then the parenting plan?

What do you folks think?

[Maritimer]

Here is the letter im thinking about sending.


"Hey W, before I revise the parenting plan you presented I just wanted to make sure that this is what you really want for our family.

I understand why you did what you had to in Dec of 2012 and I want to thank you for that. It took a lot of courage and strength to make that choice. I did a lot of self-reflection and decided I needed a change for the better. As a result I became my confident, awesome self again! I developed the patients of a saint, became a better son, bother and mostly a wonderful father to our precious boys. I made some healthy choices over the last 17 months and now I look & I feel the best I have in years! These changes are something I am so proud of and will be continuing to do for the rest of my days.

I don’t want to revisit our old marriage. It is dead & gone. What I would like is for us to slowly with professional help, start a new healthy relationship together. I know we can both do this if we are willing to try. We fell in love with each other before and know it can happen again.

We have 2 beautiful children that love us both so much. It is painful to watch them cry when one of us departs for any period of time. Just imagine how happy they would be with both of us together as a nurturing fun loving family.

You’re an incredible mother + Im an awesome dad = a family with wickedly fun happy kids!

Im in no rush for a response, Think about it and let me know how you feel about this."


Any opinions would be greatly appreciated!

[Maritimer]

Looking for some advise from my fellow DB'ers.

[Positivespin]

Do not send that letter- but you already know that- its why your posting it

Your "fear" is getting the best of you. If/when she is ready she will approach you.

You dont need to serve up the guilt. I told my X to her face,in front of the mediator, that when its really over, send me the papers and ill sign- Im not filing.

We went through mediation and still NO PAPERS. Ill just keep rebuilding my life and embarrassing myself with members of the opposite sex:)

Your wife walked away, your wife filed......let her do what SHE needs to do.

Youve survived a bomb and have successfully bought a house. Are you feeling directionless right now?

Get your head out of the funk you are temporarily in.

Havent you already begged and pleaded enough????

[Positivespin]

Did you read GoGo's thread and is that what made you think of writing a letter?

[Maritimer]

The reason I want to send it because I truly believe I became a spouse only a fool would leave and later she might miss out on saving this family.

If ever the boys ask” what did you do to try to get back with Mommy?” I can tell them I did everything I could to try and reconcile. Feels like I’m sitting idle not trying to save my family.

I feel that while I’m becoming better, we are drifting farther apart. Very few text, no email, no phone calls, no stories about the kids when I’m not around.

I’m thinking what I am proposing in my parenting plan will make her angry and drive her further away. Don’t know why I’m so fearful, Really… how much further can she go from me. I need to look out for me and my boys.

I only begged and pleaded for the first 2 months, I’m thinking 14 months later her opinion towards me might have changed.

No one wants me to get back with her except myself. It could be a sign. Thankfully I have IC tonight to get me back on track.

Thank you for replying PS, Feeling lonely lately.

[Maritimer]

Hoping to get a second opinion with regards a parenting plan I am sending by email to slowly integrate the boys to our proposed schedule.

"Thank you for starting the parenting plan. After consulting with a few experts, I made some revisions and believe this parenting plan will be what is best for the boys, you and me. We should try and slowly integrate the kids into what the future parenting schedule would be like.

Starting next Wed May 14, I would like to have both of the boys overnight. I can drop them off at daycare Thursday morning then you can pick them up after work. I am flexible with this, so if you wanted to see them before you go to work I can drop them off at your place so you can see them each morning. The following Sundays and Wednesdays we will try the same schedule for the rest of May. Friday/Saturday alternating boys schedules will continue until the proposed June plan is implemented.

That plan consists of a 2-2 3 schedule. With this custody schedule, the children reside with Parent A for two days, Parent B for two days, and then spend a long three-day weekend with Parent A. The next week, the routine flips and the children reside with Parent B for two days, then Parent A for two days, before spending a long three-day weekend with Parent B. The advantage of this plan is that the parents get to alternate weekends, but the child is still spending 50% of the time with each parent.

I have enclosed the May and June calendar. We can display them on the fridge so we can show the boys what days they have to look forward to seeing each of their loving parents.

Let’s lead by example and show the boys how happy and awesome we all can be in this new family dynamic!

I understand this will be a big change for all of us so, think about it and look forward towards your cooperation.


What do you follow DB'ers think?

[Maritimer]

Please help.

I am wondering if this is the best approach to have more access with my children?

[Positivespin]

Bump- Folks, take a look at the above parenting plan and give your thoughts