Wanting to come home isn't just about lip service but actions. He has to show you that he really wants to come home and is doing the hard work of repairing some of the damage that he created during his crisis. It's not easy for them to step across the line and actually do the work, but if they do it and do it the proper way, reconciliation can be a wonderful thing. Allow him to prove himself and win you back.
Congratulations on your s's graduation. Yes, you will have a number of crazy days in May, but they will be worth it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Wanting to come home isn't just about lip service but actions. He has to show you that he really wants to come home and is doing the hard work of repairing some of the damage that he created during his crisis. It's not easy for them to step across the line and actually do the work, but if they do it and do it the proper way, reconciliation can be a wonderful thing. Allow him to prove himself and win you back.
Congratulations on your s's graduation. Yes, you will have a number of crazy days in May, but they will be worth it.
Thank you job! I have definitely learned from my mistake 3yrs ago when I let him back. I will need to see action on his part this time!
I am still having a hard time believing that S is graduating already..the years have just flown by...crazy
BD-Aug 2009 OW Confirmed H moves out Dec 2009 D filed by H-Mar 2010 H asks to come home April 2011 BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW! H ran away again! 1-18-2014
congrats on your sons graduation, that is awesome!! I'm curious, what is the required work that one does when he wants to come home? I'm no where near this in my sitch but was curious. I mean if he asks to come home, you say yes if x and y needs are met? or do you say no? It gets so complicated not wanting them to run back in the tunnel or come home before they're "done". It feels like you want to do everything right/perfect to make sure that you're not messing up any chances of reconnecting. I feel like I have to do or say just the right things in any communication- not too much of this, not too little of that. It is like a recipe and you want it to come out just right. Then I wonder if that is still being over controlling. What actions do you look for?
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
TL72, There is work to be done by the MLCer before they can return home. They need to prove to the LBS that they are honest, trustworthy and transparent in their relationship w/you. You need to start out as friends, date and go from there. If your h truly wants to return home to you, he will do whatever it takes for you to see that he's a changed man and willing to walk thru fire to make you happy and for you to trust him again, right down to being transparent, i.e., sharing of passwords for phones and computers. He will want you to know where he's going, what he's doing, etc. If he refuses to be transparent w/you or you feel that he's still placing you second in his life, then he's not ready to return home, but that's my opinion.
Also, they return home too soon and haven't completed their journey, at some point, they will leave again and the second time around can be worse than the first time they walked. So, sit back, observe and when the lip service becomes actions and you feel comfortable w/his actions and he's proven trustworthy, then it's time for him to return home. Until then, allow him to swing in the wind to allow all of the cobwebs to leave his heart, mind and soul.
I'm going to suggest that you do a search for reachingHigher's threads and you will see the work that both she and her husband did to become a reconciled and successful couple.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Cat...yep...I promise I am waiting for actions this time around!
Hey TL..wonderful question!
Thank you job and Wonka for the suggestions. I have not read either of those threads!
BD-Aug 2009 OW Confirmed H moves out Dec 2009 D filed by H-Mar 2010 H asks to come home April 2011 BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW! H ran away again! 1-18-2014
thank you thank you for allowing me to ask that on your thread and for the great answers! I have followed Raine's thread from beginning to end, I will go look up reachinghigher - thanks for the suggestion. I'm keeping a close eye on you too CW
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
thank you thank you for allowing me to ask that on your thread and for the great answers!
No problem TL!
So, I guess H is serious about moving out from OW's as he showed up here with a pick up load and asked if he could store it here until he finds his own place. Said he and OW have been sleeping in separate bedrooms for 2 weeks and have not really talked to each other for 4 days. It all started going downhill when the assault thing happened. It seems she blames H for the fight and he is not liking that at all.
He suggested that if graduation wasn't going on this weekend we should go out for a drink or to a movie. D15 was just in the other room so I didn't want to say too much. Just agreed that it would not be a good weekend for that.
I want to STRESS that I am NOT getting my hopes up and am NOT falling for this. I know he has a long ways to go and so do I before we can even consider anything as far as R. I know that he is still lying about some things. And, I do feel that he would not be wanting to come home if things were going better with OW. Just wanted to get this "on paper" for now.
Also, his pretrial court date got continued to the end of June! This is going to drag out for awhile. Gives me time to consult an L on what I can do to protect myself if the judge orders H pay restitution.
BD-Aug 2009 OW Confirmed H moves out Dec 2009 D filed by H-Mar 2010 H asks to come home April 2011 BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW! H ran away again! 1-18-2014
hey cw - how are things going? Did he get his court date? were you able to consult a L?
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
