Husband moved out...

[peaceSJ]

Help!!! H told me he will file in this week, and we can discuss the child support and asset split after filing. In our state there is 6 month waiting period to finalize the D. How should I respond?

Thanks!!

[AnotherStander]

Did he text this message to you? If so then no reply is really needed. You can't stop him from filing and you shouldn't try to. But do make sure you're protected, you might want to consult a lawyer if you feel this is over your head.

[peaceSJ]

Thanks, AnotherStander. He told me in person last night.

[peaceSJ]

I asked him why we couldn't reach an agreement first, then file. It will save us time and money. H said he doesn't want to wait any more. H just emailed me a link of website which explains the divorce process. He said we don't need lawyer. He assumes I will agree anything he wants?

[MrBond]

Your H falls into the "bad" WAS category. He wants everything done his way and will throw a tantrum and threaten when you start standing up for yourself.

Get legal representation no matter what he says or threatens. Stay strong.

[peaceSJ]

Hi All, thank you for your support and encouragement. I am trying to be as strong as I can.
So many things needs to be thought about lately. But the most priority for me is the timeshare of the child custody. I hope we can minimize the impact to our kids. H loves our kids, but I feel sometimes he is not very responsible. As I mentioned in my previous posts, H always disappeared for couple days and lied to kids. He rarely checked kids' homework, and most of time he just let them watch Ipad if only H was at home with them. I know I cannot change or control his behavior, but I also want our kids can finish their homework on time every day, and participate more other activities other than watching ipad. I talked to H, but he didn't think that's a problem. H still insisted that H took good care of the kids.
BTW, many times when it was H's turn to pick up kids or watch them or took them to some classes, he just texted me that he was busy at work or something and asked me to do it for him. Of course I cannot say no. But I don't feel it right. Lawyers said since we haven't legally separated, I cannot enforce him to do what he promised. Is it true?
Thank you in advance for your inputs.

[AnotherStander]

I asked him why we couldn't reach an agreement first, then file. It will save us time and money. H said he doesn't want to wait any more. H just emailed me a link of website which explains the divorce process. He said we don't need lawyer. He assumes I will agree anything he wants?

Are you in the US? Since I'm going through this now I can give you an idea of what the steps are. I'm in TX, it may be a little different in your state (if you're in the US), but basically the initial step is for one of you to file a petition for D. The two of you don't have to agree on anything in the petition, only one party prepares and submits it. So when your H says he doesn't want to wait, he doesn't have to. He can file the petition and start the countdown on the 6 month wait whenever he wants.

Here in TX there's a 60 day "cooling off" period and it begins on the date the petition is filed with the court. When the petition is filed then you'll be served with a copy of it and then you have to prepare a response.

The "Final Decree of Divorce" is the document that contains all the details on how property is being divided up and what the visitation rights will be. THIS is the document that the two of you need to hammer out the details on. Typically one spouse (the one that wants the D) prepares it and presents it to the other spouse for review and comment. It's a good idea to consult a L if you think you're not getting fair treatment in it. Also if you have a very volatile R with your WAS, the L can act as your buffer so you don't have to deal with the spew. This document will have to be signed by both of you, so if the terms aren't agreed to it can drag things out for months and months (and the legal fees can really stack up too).

In my sitch things have gone very smoothly. W hired a lawyer just to assist with the preparation of the paperwork. Her L filed the petition and had me served, I prepared a response (my response basically said I did not object to the terms in the petition and I asked for a court date to be set). W prepared a decree through her L and we reviewed it together and made some minor changes. Her L is modifying it per our changes, then we will both sign it and take it to the court to present to the judge and we'll be D'd.

BTW, many times when it was H's turn to pick up kids or watch them or took them to some classes, he just texted me that he was busy at work or something and asked me to do it for him. Of course I cannot say no. But I don't feel it right. Lawyers said since we haven't legally separated, I cannot enforce him to do what he promised. Is it true?

Well you can't enforce it legally, but that doesn't mean you can't put a boundary in place. You CAN say "no". It sounds to me like you're just letting him do whatever he wants, you don't have to just roll over on that kind of behavior. You could tell him that you're documenting all of his behavior to present in court and that if he doesn't man up you'll go for full custody for example.

[peaceSJ]

Thank you, AnotherStander. Yes, I am in USA. Your information is very valuable to me. I hope that my stich can go smoothly as well.
I really hate to think about child custody, assets split, lawyer, court, all kind of these things. It really hurt me. But H forced me. So I guess I have to be strong and face everything.

Again thanks everybody here for your support.

[peaceSJ]

Today's is Valentine's day, but I think I did a very stupid thing. I didn't control myself and confronted with H for his cheating. I know it is no use to anything, but I was still so angry when I found out last weekend and Monday H went to see the OW. H supposed to took the kids to some activities on Saturday and picked up them from afterschool on Monday night, but he just texted me that he couldn't because he needed to work over time. Especially on Saturday since the two kids had different activities and the schedule is conflict, I had to ask my friend to help take care of one kid.
On Monday he was absent from work; so he had to work over time on Thursday. It was his turn to pick up kids and he couldn't make it again.
The ugly thing is that even I found out the truth, he still denied. He demanded the proof. He even lied to his parents last night, and told them because of my faults he wants a D.
I know I should totally ignore him, but somehow I couldn't control myself when I heard he blamed me again to his parents.
It's so hard to deal with a cheating WAS.
Any suggestions? Thanks.

[peaceSJ]

H's birthday is coming soon. My friend suggested me to buy flowers and a special gift for my H to celebrate his birthday. Let him feel romantic. I am not sure if it is a good idea or not. Do I really need to compete with the OW?