Walk/run intervals are the best way if you ask me. More like special ops teams and how they do it. Running the whole thing killed the first guy...not sure why it would be a good thing to run the whole thing
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9) To read the entire Old Testament from front to back…not just skipping around. I am embarrassed to say that while I think I’ve read every book in the Old Testament, I don’t have a solid understanding of how it all fits together yet.
I help teach a confirmation class for middle schoolers; I've done it for about 7 years now and we cover that subject a lot. I don't want to spoil it for you, but when you read the old testament, note that it's a pointer to things to come for Jew and Gentile alike. It helps to put it all together to know that...
I like that list. I note that you don't have skydiving in there. I applaud that. It's overdone these days as a popular bucket list item. Yours is much more personal and I like that.
Go get 'em!!!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
No news is good new, right? Lol. I haven't updated in while because it's been pretty "same ole-same ole" around here.
We continue to have bad days and good days, but maybe I'm slooooooooooooowly learning to detach better? We're getting along better, and I'm reacting less when H is in a bad mood.
To be honest, his moods seem to be improving overall. He seems happier, in general. He holds my hand more, etc.
So, who knows. I'm working on me...and trying to just stay out of his way. No expectations.
I'm going to do some hiking this year if it kills me! I love walking. I find it to be like meditation and exercise all in one. I do my best thinking while walking. I've done a lot of urban hiking (as I like to call walking in the city). Now I'd like to get out more in the woods and the hills and enjoy the scenery, the thinking, and also get more exercise out of it while I'm at it.
Keep up the good work. You said the magic words - "I'm working on me."
Seems I handle drama/stress/spewing BETTER than I handle peace/quiet/calmness. I haven't had much to update in my sitch because I'm still processing some stuff...and am really, really confused.
H, overall, is becoming a WAY different guy than he has been. After 3 years on the night shift, he moved to days this Monday. So, he's finally on a normal schedule. Since Christmas, H is nicer, calmer, more patient...he's more like the guy I knew 2-3 years ago. The guy I forgot existed.
The problem? I don't care. MY attitude is horrible about it. He's making all kinds of steps toward me...and I can't help but pull away...and then, wonder what's wrong with me?
He says he's moved all of his stuff back home...all bags, clothes, etc. (I don't snoop..so not sure...). He *says* he's bought me a V Day present (ironic because he hates that day). He is making more time for the kids. He actually went outside and played baseball with them today!!! When I do calmly address things that need to change (his humor that is condescending toward me, etc.) he really does appear to be working on fixing it...and repeats back to me the things that we talked about. His phone is completely unlocked and not "secret" at all anymore...he is more open about lots of things.
He is becoming more like his pre-MLC stuff. BUT, I am getting so detached that I don't even want to be around him. I've spent all this time hoping he'd come around...wishing for him to get better...and now, that he's showing baby steps...I feel totally lost.
I've recently seen how other men treat their women...and I want more. I don't want to settle anymore for the guy who knocked me up and married me because he felt like he needed to. I want to be with a guy (H or otherwise) who can't live without me.
I want to go places and do things and enjoy my life without this exhausting anchor weighing me down. And that scares me, a lot. I started out this journey wanting nothing more than to save my M. Now? Not sure that's what I want at all.
Thank goodness, as URworthy says often, "I don't have to decide today." And, that is the only thing keeping me sane right now...the reassurance that I don't have to decide anything this moment.
But, I will tell you this...the "new" Ang..she wants a better, healthier, happier life...filled with adventure and love and family and friends and lots of laughs and giggles. No more sad...no more just "existing"....
You are sounding so much better and stronger. I do think that in time, you will find a way to have a better and more fulfilling life. It takes a lot of time, work and patience...but I have a lot of faith in you and you will get there!
As for how you are feeling right now? It's normal. You fought the battle and hoped he would return home and now that the battle appears to be somewhat over...your energy level has fizzled. You've been on your own for a bit and now that he's back, you aren't sure that the relationship w/him is going to be enough, etc. Give yourself some time to figure things out. It won't happen today, tomorrow or next week...but given enough time, you'll know if you want to continue on w/your journey w/him by your side.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
You do not have too. The only decision I think you should make right now is....to be HAPPY. To not allow unhappiness in your life.
Peace, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Now I'd like to get out more in the woods and the hills and enjoy the scenery, the thinking, and also get more exercise out of it while I'm at it. 