Back Again!!

[tiredndrained]

Well, here is the update...Sun H picked up kids and they went to movies with same woman from Xmas. So, at this point there is no question it is a gf. According to both kids she pays for everything and she has a huge house and a lots of money. Since H has no job and no unemployment I am guessing this is his meal ticket at the moment. Not sure what type of woman would give a man money and pay for all his kids Xmas gifts but that is her problem. My S said he overheard her say her H left her and never sees her kids. She has 3 kids. Funny, bc my H had no interest in a family and now he is trying to work his way into hers. He suddenly has a renewed interest in my kids to make himself look good but they both say the minute they are out of her site he is the same nasty person he was prior. And, the funny thing is the kids said the gf keeps saying how nice it is to have my H around bc her kids need a father bc theirs hardly sees their dad and he cheated and left them. Oh, the irony...

MJ..my H does not give me any money at all. He left the house and all the bills to me. The house needs a ton of work too. He still on the car and health insurance that I am paying for as well as paying for all the kids expenses. You would think I had a good job but I don't and will lose the house if something doesn't change. I am trying to get my kids into therapy also at the moment. Their dad has turned them into angry kids and it upsets me because that isn't how they used to be.

AJ...you are right about not thinking about him. Still trying to focus on me. It seems to get harder with the revelation of the latest gf but there have been so many the past few years I am sure so I just have to put it out of mind.

[AJM]

I guess the right approach might be like the one I took. I realize my ex left and cheated and hated etc... But I still had to be the one to leave her (emotionally). I had to end the relationship. At first it seemed "unfair" to be the one left to do her dirty work. But over time I realized...I didn't care about that in any other aspect of my life and I wasn't going to for that either.

I needed to be the one to end it emotionally. Like it or not, it needed to be done. It has been "interesting" to say the least, but it has also paid off like you would not believe.

Just one approach and something to think about.

AJ

[mj0221]

Tired, I just read what you wrote on my thread but decided to respond here for part of it. First, for you to be standing where you are today taking care of your kids the best you can for what all your H has done I think you deserve an award. Obviously as the saying goes, you just can't make that stuff up but what all you wrote, crazy....the story about the voting and calling your work for that question? Have you ever tried to get a support order from him? Can they make him get a job a support his children? It does sound like he keeps running. This latest ow will not put up with his unemployment status for long. Same as my H also though, even if he got rid of ow I think he has issues that need to be dealt with and that may not happen.

Do your best tired. Make 2014 a new year with goals. My therapist told me last session maybe it was time to start making goals. That was all he said. I've had a pretty good few days thinking about what I want in the next year and realized I have 3 distinct goals for the next year. H fits nowhere in them. All 3 of these goals will dramatically in the end make my life a lifestyle of less stress, more financially secure and probably spending more time with my girls, well D11 since D21 is usually away. Think about things for yourself and kids in mind.

[tiredndrained]

AJ..I'm 100 per in agreement w you that I have to be the one to leave emotionally. H continues to bring kids out w this woman so I'm just distancing myself. He still doesn't look "happy" but that's his problem.

MJ..I couldn't make this stuff up.. Lol. We have lived a roller coaster ride to say the least the past two yrs. the irony is H blamed me for all of it. I'm home w kids he running around n I'm to blame. I heard stupid stuff all year. I didn't hold his hand enough..rub his neck in the car anymore like when we were young, yada yada. This new woman has 3 kids. My h can't handle the two that are his. I wish I could see the future how this would play out. Oh.. N woman commutes to nyc every day. So I'm guessing she very tired at night. Let see how many back rubs he will get. He wanted all my attention so I can't imagine she wants someone so needy if she has so much going on herself.

[mj0221]

What's been going on with you this past week? How are things going? I'm guessing kids are back in school and back to regular hectic routine? I know mine is and it's somewhat crazy because a year ago all help from H stopped. Luckily my parents live 30 min away so they come over every morning at 6 so I can go to work and they take D11 to school and pick her up. Do you have help from friends or family? I started last year also relying on a group of moms at gymnastics. Since they are there so long, I don't stay up there as much, and go home and rest, much needed.

I'm still working on the GAL....how bout you? It is difficult when we are the main care providers but I know it's needed.

I think we just have to live like as it's us for good. Our H are gone so no use planning anything with them in mind. I finally opened bank account in my own name, everything in my own name. I'm not about to have 2014 be like 2013, the worst year of my life.
I have made a lot of lifestyle changes, cut out unnecessary things, changed plans on things so I could afford everything. I think the last of it is deciding to sell house which I'm still undecided.

Ignore your H's crazy behaviors. He truly sounds a little nutty right now. Was him not working normal behavior before BD? If not I would say he is really lost. Just focus on you.

[tiredndrained]

Hi MJ..just trying to get back into routine. I think the GAL thing is the hardest. Until now I think being a mom n wife was what defined me. Sure u can understand that? My boys keep me busy. My H basically does nothing w them other then Xmas which was to impress the new gf. Sat he missed S8 bball game. Then made second half of s11 game. That's his big contribution to their weekend.

Sun he was supposed to take them sledding but when my s8 called him he was busy n there was a girl talking to him. So that was the end of it. I am invited to a party next sat so I'm going alone. A little nervous but still trying to GAL!! My biggest issue right now is the house. W no financial help I can't do much. I live in NJ n prices are so high here. I can't afford my mortgage or rent if he never contributes.

Sounds like we are both trying to put out best foot forward and make the coming year much better then the last. It's great u have the other gymnastic moms to help u! I'm trying to ask a little more from friends n neighbors bc I'm finding it's just too hard to do everything by myself. My family is about 50 mi away n not overly helpful. My sisters help when they can.

definitely open your own account!! Good move. I didn't at first n my H was stealing from me. It's also the first step toward moving ahead. How is your daughter doing?? Has he seen her at all for the holidays?

[tiredndrained]

trying to stay focused. H spending most of his time with the GF n only sees kids when they do something with them together. I assume she must question why he doesn't see them so he has an obligatory visit every once in a while. When I get angry at him he just tells me I am jealous because he has someone and is so happy. I'm not jealous. I just don't understand how you can desert your family because you weren't getting enough attention. The new gf has not two but 3 kids. She works full time in the city which is over an hour from her home and in a demanding job. He is two hours from her and has to drive back and forth to her house. And, my S said she has 2 ex husbands to deal with regarding her kids. why would he think he will get more attention from her? Just another thing that irritates me. Especially since he has not given me money yet and basically spends no time with our kids. Just venting today!!

[tiredndrained]

Well, things are really at a stand still right now. H still running around, no job, not giving me a dime. Living off whatever woman he can I guess or the GF. He won't say. I found out he comes in my house when I'm at work. Kids have told me they come home from school and he laying on couch. Then he leaves as soon as they get there. It is so annoying to say the least. I can't believe this is the life he wanted. I told him I was selling the snow blower bc I can't use it and he screamed at me and told me I'm not selling it as if he still had rights to it and took care of clearing the snow for us. He is just a pain at this point. Filed for D and it is a lot of waiting. Old S still angry and hates dad and younger one seems to be tired of being disappointed by him.