To this day, my ex still wants our children to accept the O/M O/W... he doesn't seem to get it THEY NEVER WILL!!! Especially around the holidays. My oldest daughter is in a MLC crisis herself and she always wants me to thank her new hubby for the things he does or cooks. He was not the O/M when she went on her journey, just aggravating she wants us all to do that, I am sure he could care less if we did that, but she is so argh! It always turns into an arguement with my ex and his grown kids.....just shaking my head how stupid they can be.....of course OUR feelings do not have a factor in anything they do....
Why wouldn't you thank someone for something they do? Sounds to me that your D simply wants you to be kind and respectful of her H.
As far as our exes...
The woman my X is dating now (who isn't OW) has done some wonderful things for my S. My boyfriend has done equally wonderful things.
My stepfather, who was OM, has been a kind and loving parent to me for 30 years. Even through the years when I didn't want to see him as such.
If I had not eventually accepted him, I would have missed out on a lot of love and I would have robbed my S of the only grandfather to hold a consistent presence in his life. As well as two kind hearted great grandparents.
That would have been a shame.
There comes a time where we should try to realize that standing on a soapbox Indefinately is more damaging to us and others than it is to step off of it and allow forgivness and peace enter our hearts.
JMHO.
I hope you have a very joy filled Christmas season. Peace be with you, Irma.
Cat
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Irma, I don't see any harm in recognizing w/your new SIL does things for you. It shows that you recognize and appreciate his efforts. Maybe I'm looking at life differently, but there are three words that aren't used as much these days and those three words open doors that you never imagined. They are: "please" and "thank you". You may not think your SIL cares, but deep down, he feels good when you acknowledge his efforts.
I'm sorry to hear that that the father and the grown children can't seem to come to an understanding as to how the children feel about the OP. Maybe it's time for them distance themselves from their father for a bit and when contact is made, explain the reason for it. I can't see where either party is going to win if they continue to argue about it, i.e., someone is going to have to give an inch if they want to have any type of relationship. Sometimes actions do speak louder than words.
Just my thoughts for today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I agree with you both and I don't discourage our children not to speak to their father he will always be their father...but they are now grown and speak their minds I want them to have a relationship with him with or without me,but our 19 yr.old is very angry with her dad because all she wants is just a father daughter time with only him and he wont do it. I told her forgiveness heals us and she needs to forgive her dad. But I cant get her to understand that and as far as my new SIL he treats my grandaughters just wonderful and my daughter as well and I do thank him but I was just trying to see why my ex and my daughters new hubbby why it is so important for acceptance of the new person?
When we meet someone who becomes special to us, I think its normal to want them to be liked by other people who are important to us. Just like we hope they like our families in return. It is how families are formed.
Didn't you want to be accepted by your spouses family when you first met?
I don't think its any different. Just because you aren't the first doesn't mean you aren't part of the family unit.
While you are entitled to not like OW because of the situation, she is an important part of your childrens father's life. She doesnt need to be their best friend or a mother figure but it would benefit their relationship with their father for them to find some acceptance and tolerance for her.
From reading your past threads, I have gotten the impression that at least your son has tried to do that and it created a huge issue between the two of you. You don't have to like it, but I don't think you should make them feel like they need to make a choice between you two. You will always be mom and she will be their fathers wife. Nothing can change that.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
