Thank you so much for joining in Laurie. Yes, the focus is on improving my relationship with my sons. I think the vision/goal/hope of a positive outcome would be similar to my sons 21st last year. That is I come across as happy and enjoying myself. I am seen as moving around the place talking to different people about subjects that are not about the sitch. Even more better outcome would be to not have any concern or worry over the W bringing the OW to the party.
In addition to that, I had lunch with my son today. I went in with the intention of saying nothing about the W to him. And I did simply say to him that I have decided to come to the party and I am doing this for his fiance and himself. Nothing else involving W or things around the W. High five.
Another question to who wants to answer this. Wonka? I stated that I offered the shipping container to the ex best friend, for no reason other than it was something the W and I agreed on 3 years ago.
Well I just got a text from W, saying "Hi HWA, it was very nice of you to offer friend the shipping container. I let them know it wasn't cause you didn't want to move it but that you had planned to do it before as a way to thank them". So it shows me a few things. One, the friend has even spoken to W direct or spoken to SIL who then contacted the W. The W felt it necessary to thank me.......a positive. So do I reply back to her........saying what? And do I reply back to her......saying the paperwork just got signed? Either, both or none?
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
See this is where I know I need to work on me so much more. Because some days I feel I don't deserve this, other days I feel that this is like karma coming back, I deserve this for what I must have put the W through.
This! Yes, I do that too. Round and round. Sometimes several times in one day.
Unfortunately for us humans, our minds are capable of holding two contradictory notions about something at the same time, and the internal conflict causes cognitive dissonance. Which cause mental anguish.
Of course, there is also probably some truth to both of these - at least in my case. I fully acknowledge and accept the emptiness my W was feeling that would lead her to look for comfort elsewhere. On the other hand, she made the conscious decision to pursue these actions, knowing the grief and pain it would cause, and then what it was causing. So, there is enough blame to share. We can only work on our own selves - and you know this. As do I, in my case.
We're here for ya - all your DB friends, for whatever we can do to help motivate, lift spirits, console, laugh.... whatever we can do.
Of course, there is also probably some truth to both of these - at least in my case. I fully acknowledge and accept the emptiness my W was feeling that would lead her to look for comfort elsewhere. On the other hand, she made the conscious decision to pursue these actions, knowing the grief and pain it would cause, and then what it was causing. So, there is enough blame to share. We can only work on our own selves - and you know this. As do I, in my case.
We're here for ya - all your DB friends, for whatever we can do to help motivate, lift spirits, console, laugh.... whatever we can do.
Yes there is truth in my case also. I will beat this, I will get off this rollercoaster ride, improve myself, have a better relationship with my sons and detach so much better. Thanks also for the support, it is appreciated.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Wow HWA, it seems like you are making a bit of progress with your W by getting that nice text from her I don't think she's expecting a reply, but you could just say "thanks for speaking to my friend on my behalf BTW, I signed the papers yesterday." What do others think?
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
TTD180, yes some progress by the W with that text, but the issue is that the friend has either told her directly about our conversation or he has spoken to the SIL who then told the W. Again, this is the issue, everyone in the family gets to know everything that happens or is spoken about. And like chinese whispers, somewhere along the line the original discussion changes. That is why everything about the W stops now, well as of yesterday. :-) I am more leaning towards no reply for either the shipping container or the paperwork being signed. She will find out about the paperwork soon enough.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
I don't think she's expecting a reply, but you could just say "thanks for speaking to my friend on my behalf