Prolly gonna need some lighter fluid...

[woody112]

A couple of weeks ago my W got very sick and was laid up most of the day. Apparently, the way I took care of her throughout the day softened her heart enough for her to initiate physical contact for the first time in almost a year. It started with her placing my hand on her cheek, then a hug, and then ML. This came out of nowhere for me, and I was absolutely stunned.

Since then her emotions have been unpredictable. One minute she’ll be flirting with me, then the next minute she’ll start crying because she doesn’t feel the way she use to about me, and then she’ll kiss me. I know she’s struggling, and I know she is really working hard to make things work. It’s only been a couple weeks, and I certainly do not expect her to fall in love with me so quickly. She, on the other hand, told me this morning that she is “distressed” that she hasn’t felt that spark yet. And, she is really scared that she may never get that back.

I can be patient, but I feel like I need to do something else. I just don’t know what. For her sake I really want her to find that spark!

[labug]

The only thing you could do is step way back.

It seems she's not ready.

What's the conversation when she tells you there is no spark?

[NTX_Dad]

Yes, that's the whole point of DB's going dark. Going dark allows both of you to work on yourselves and grow, and at the same time separation will actually fuel the spark. Also, the personal growth from going dark makes you more attractive to each other.

If possible, I would try to stay busy and be scarce. Work late, go work out at the gym, take up a hobby, meet up with friends. Try not to be around the house so much so that she can miss you.

Also, love is an action. You have to do loving things for each other. True, there's usually a spark at the beginning of a relationship, but its not really common for that special spark to last forever.

Just hang in there, and try to be scarce as much as you possibly can while living together.

[woody112]

The conversation starts with her acknowledging how much I’ve changed, and that she’s really happy for me. She tells me how hard she is trying to reconnect with me, and at times she is very happy. But, she says she is scared that she will never be in love with me again, and she doesn’t want to live out the rest of her life in a love-less marriage. She’s afraid she’s running out of time.

I am really looking forward to her office holiday party this Friday. It has been a very long time since we’ve gone out socially without the kids. The two of us together usually make a lot of fun and a lot of laughs.

I do need a hobby...