Today I asked myself, do I still love her? I do. Passionately. We are just very broken and need mending and TLC. But... am I a bit disgusted at her behavior? Yes. But I understand. The head and the heart - different views of the same situation.
I really think, if we can get our love life in sync with all the rest of our life, in which we have so much in common - we cab be unstoppable and completely there for each other for the duration. I always try to remind myself that when I judge her, I can't guarantee I wouldn't have done the same things. I can't describe how alone and sad I was in the same house and even in the same bed. We were both desperate and hurting. It's just that working from home, my chance of running into a desperate lonely woman were slim to none. Except for my W, but you know how it is when you're trapped in the vicious circle.
I may be too surly or depressed about my health sometimes. She's badly scarred by a neglectful upbringing and can be quite bitchy, to put it kindly. And we are both stubborn as hell. But.... show me a real Brady Bunch couple and I'll give you my retirement fund! And let me tell ya - the retirement fund will get ya a trailer in the back woods!
I learned something fascinating. Not only does Mr Wonderful work 7 days a week so he barely has time for a R (I already knew that) he IS in fact either married or in a live-in R! No wonder she's not finding satisfaction in a R that is just him coming over for a quicky and not ever even staying the night.
MH, you said you're doing fine, so stop obsessing about your W and what she's up to! There! I'll put the foam 2x4 away now You need to get back to being the best person you can be that only a fool can leave, go and do some GALing and I want reports back Go into town on your own and chat up that flirty waitress, it'll do you the world of good even if you're not interested Your W is maybe still in a fog and she may be there for sometime yet. Remember your DB principles that you've seem to have lost of late Don't forget we want reports of this GALing
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Yep. It was the same bundle of info I had already snooped. It just came to me in a Columbo like moment. And W and I have been discussing it. I basically fessed up to snooping and she knows we both do it, so that tempers her judgement. But, I'm not looking for more info. I had that strange magical feeling of clarity and calmness come over me. It dawned on me that it's not me. I'm not a failure and there's hope for me no matter what. I don't deserve to be treated like trash (and neither does the OM's SO!). I worry about W - she's on the edge of a breakdown. I know I can't save her - that's up to her.
W: "Believe it or not I am working on ending the relationship. I am also sorry you read what you read. I know its sometimes easier to start something then fix something you don't know how to fix. But also violating each others privacy doesn't help matters."
There was a bunch more of course, about trust, support, change...but I did suggest quitting "cold turkey" was my bet suggestion.
MH, I'm not sure what you meant by quitting cold turkey. I hope you work things out
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
