This was a very strange weekend. It almost started out badly when W had plans of her own for both Friday and Saturday nights, and I almost allowed those nasty demons to control my head. I worked it out though by repeating to myself things that I’ve learned here- mostly in regards to keeping my mouth shut. Putting those thoughts in my head into words would have: a) made me look bad in her eyes, and b) made me feel awful inside. So I let it go and had a great time with S5 and D4!
Sunday morning came along and I was working up the courage to ask W if we could sit together at church. She ended up staying home because she felt sick. In fact, she ended up spending most of the day on the couch or in bed. She is a high-energy woman, so this was very unusual. I spent the day taking care of her and the house. Did some laundry, went grocery shopping (stupid shopping cart screwed up my hip! It had a wheel that always wanted to go right, so I was constantly trying to go the other way.), made muffins, fed the kids, bathed the kids, etc. And I took care of my W.
Apparently, she was very touched by my doting on her. Maybe her condition made her more vulnerable, but throughout the day she kept letting her guard down. She asked me to touch her forehead to see if she was warm (she hasn’t allowed me to touch her in 6 months). She moaned a little as she moved her head so my hand was holding her face- my heart literally skipped a beat! I just stroked her face for a moment, and then I left her to sleep. I thought I was going to die. Later she asked for a hug… *gulp*. I didn’t let go until she let go. She kept asking me why I was (in the past) such a jerk… She just wanted me to hold her… I just kept doting on her- not in a kissing-her-a$$ kind of way though. More like the biblical way of a servant-leader (which is very new to me). I joined her in bed. She was cold. She asked me to get rid of that stupid pillow that’s been dividing our bed for the past few months. She asked me to hold her. One thing led to another, and we ended up ML for the first time in almost a year! It was like a dream… She did ask me to be patient with her if she took a step back in the morning. I told her not to worry, that I have let go of all expectations.
Btw, she was fine this morning. Maybe a little awkward, but definitely nothing out of the ordinary. She called me to tell me that if that were to ever happen again, she was going to make me work a lot harder!
I have so much more work to do, and I’m really not sure if this is the beginning of “Piecing” or what. I just know I’m sticking to the plan, which is fixing this broken, misguided man that is me.
M-44 W-45 S21,S18,SS16,SD13,S5,D4 M-9y BD- May 2013 Piecing- Dec 2013
Con't worry about what to call it, it was a wonderful moment in a lifetime of moments. Be grateful
What you've been doing has allowed you to have that moment, don't change anything right now. If you were in your W's shoes, wouldn't you be a bit concerned that things would suddenly change back to the way they were? She could be very afraid today.
Keep working on you moving toward the man you want to be.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
What you've been doing has allowed you to have that moment, don't change anything right now. If you were in your W's shoes, wouldn't you be a bit concerned that things would suddenly change back to the way they were? She could be very afraid today.
Keep working on you moving toward the man you want to be.
^This x 1,000. Good job!
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
"If you try to feed a squirrel by hand, you have to hold perfectly still. It will slowly come to you, but even if you don't move, it will sometimes get scared and retreat. But it will return and get a little closer each time. If you get impatient and make any move towards it, it will quickly run the other way and the entire process starts all over again from the beginning. But if you remain patient, it will come closer and closer until it will finally reach out to you."
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Labug- you have no idea how much I’ve learned from you. I am so humbled by your insight. Thank you!
S4tk- I’m actually hoping for an early Christmas present on Dec 22nd when my Eagles take on your Bears.
Jp- I know that analogy very well. However, I do have to be careful not to be too passive with her, which would be “more of the same” behavior from me. She has been rejected by me for so many years; yes, even sexually. As I held her in bed last night, knowing that her body was responding to my touch, I started to pull back as to not push my luck. She took that as rejection, which she clearly stated. In that moment I decided to abandon what I thought was “the right thing to do”, and just be a man. I think it worked out quite nicely. My only regret is that I didn’t kiss her because she was so sick.
M-44 W-45 S21,S18,SS16,SD13,S5,D4 M-9y BD- May 2013 Piecing- Dec 2013
I smiled reading your post. You're doing a great job Woody!
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
