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A Message from Michele
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Re: And the beat goes on..! [Re: swoop] #2408047
11/24/13 05:03 PM
11/24/13 05:03 PM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,001
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littleGTO Offline OP
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littleGTO  Offline OP
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Thanks, jp, sucker,bug, mimi & ruby, for checking in with me!

Life has definitely been a roller coaster ride lately!!

jp, you are right that everything that is happening all at once has sent me into spins, twists, and turns and loop-d-loops!!

On the great news front...I continue to date my pianoman exclusively-- 4 weeks yesterday. He is sweet and attentive and loving and there are definitely fireworks going off in all directions too! He told me he loves me and can see a future with us together! (I know waaaaaaaaaay too soon, but to be honest all my past long-term relationships kind of started the same way--- fell fast and hard.)

I realize I am in a very vulnerable place right now and because of the amount of time that has gone by without reciprocated affection I am very accepting of new love and attention without a lot of outside judgement of anything. Having said that pianoman is a great guy and has yet to reveal anything that is throwing up a bunch of red flags.

Really I am just trying to enjoy our new relationship with an open mind and an open heart and suck up all this great positive, adoring attention!

ON the not-so-great side of my life...my soon-to-be-x and I are filing papers tomorrow together. We are trying to do mediation but our second session last week was extremely tense and we area in conflict about the kids/visitation. In the session words were spewed that were both hurtful and a twist of the truth. We both are untrusting of each other's intentions.

In the midst of all this last week I went into my doctor's office for a health issue I was having and she ended up having a test done that revealed another problem...anyway, it will hopefully eventually be something that will resolve but for now is adding to the stress and worry of life.

And, even though I had to tell soon-to-be-x that I was having some health issues I was actually afraid to tell him too much thinking that somehow he might use it against me in the fight for the kids.."she's got health concerns that are going to require more doctor visits, possibly surgery," etc, etc, etc & that he might try to show more time with would be better for them because of that. Shows how untrusting I've become of his intentions and what he might do to get what he wants.


M- 18 T-21
S-14,11 & 10
BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA)
H moved out 11-3-2012
10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life.
11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Re: And the beat goes on..! [Re: littleGTO] #2408074
11/24/13 07:28 PM
11/24/13 07:28 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 947
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swoop Offline
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swoop  Offline
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Posts: 947
Sorry you are in the middle of this, GTO. My wife has also made the plea to have our daughter more of the time. It saddens me, because I know the reasoning they do this is selfish and personal, not because it is in the best interest of our children.


Me:46 Her:38
My D: 11
Her S: 8


Re: And the beat goes on..! [Re: swoop] #2408169
11/24/13 11:44 PM
11/24/13 11:44 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,924
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jp787 Offline
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jp787  Offline
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Sorry to hear about your health, take care of yourself.


M46,W41
D16,D18
M22,T25
BD 11/12
W moved out 01/13
Piecing 10/13
Divorced 01/15
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can."
UrWorthy
Re: And the beat goes on..! [Re: jp787] #2408194
11/25/13 01:38 AM
11/25/13 01:38 AM
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 698
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Mimi00 Offline
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Posts: 698
GTO, so happy you are experiencing positives with Piano man.
I hope things get better in mediation w/ your stbxh.
I also hope for all the best to you with the things concerning your health.
Take care of yourself.


me: 30 H:30
tgthr:7 m:4
no kids
5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012
long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012
official BD: July 2013
nothing filed
1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Re: And the beat goes on..! [Re: Mimi00] #2408227
11/25/13 04:04 AM
11/25/13 04:04 AM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,098
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AnotherStander Offline
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AnotherStander  Offline
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Hi Turtle, I'm really sorry to hear that the D is pushing forward, but it sounds like things are going well with the new guy so that's great news! Hope your health scare is nothing serious! Best wishes!!


Me: 59 w/ S17, D23, D26
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: And the beat goes on..! [Re: AnotherStander] #2408561
11/26/13 04:14 AM
11/26/13 04:14 AM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,001
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littleGTO Offline OP
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littleGTO  Offline OP
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Thanks, everyone for your positive feedback and well wishes regarding my health.

Filed for D today--ughhhh. It was awful. I just cried but refused to say anything directly to stbxh while we were at the court house, except when I handed our the check for the filing fee I said, "Worse money ever spent."
He said, "You say that but I can't believe you still want to be M to me."
Me- "I don't want to be M to someone who doesn't want to be M to me."
H- "You deserve so much more."
Me- "Yes, I do." End of conversation.
Seems like everything has been said and anything that gets brought up these days is only sad and stressful and negative, so I defaulted to silence after that.

He asked how I was feeling (health-wise) and I gave a non-emotional, non-committal "fine." He said, "So, that's how it's going to be when we cross paths?" I said, "for now."

Of course this isn't so regarding our communication about the boys. However, most of our comm. is now in texting form-just easier that way- no face-to-face, no emotions to play into the convo. I need it that way for now.

After we filed I hit the gym hard-- destressor for so long now for me! Felt 1000 times better after and haven't cried since. One step at at time.

Talked to pianoman and am keeping our R completely separate from my D (we don't talk about my sitch much at all). I rely on my friends, a few select family members and my C to deal with my D. I don't feel a new R would survive if I was looking for a guy to "support" my emotional battle through a D.

Sometimes it feels odd to have a person in my life but they can't really be my new best friend because there are restrictions on what we talk about (not the D). A little weird, but working for me so far.

He took me to NYC for the day (he knows the city very well) and we had the absolute best, romantic, fun day/date!!! Again, it is so very nice to feel good again...like there is definitely life after D! smile


M- 18 T-21
S-14,11 & 10
BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA)
H moved out 11-3-2012
10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life.
11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Re: And the beat goes on..! [Re: littleGTO] #2408694
11/26/13 05:33 PM
11/26/13 05:33 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 947
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swoop Offline
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There definitely will be life after divorce, GTO. There will be for every one of us. We just need to make that life what we want it to be. Just lately, I have come to realize the truth about that. I am going through the same portion of a life change, as you are right now. It's so unsettling, but it is the reality of our situations. Our marriages are dead. The scars will stay with us forever, (or at least a very, very long time), but we must pick ourselves up and move forward. You're doing that now. You are a very strong person, and you WILL find your happiness. I feel very confident saying that.


Me:46 Her:38
My D: 11
Her S: 8


Re: And the beat goes on..! [Re: swoop] #2408831
11/26/13 11:21 PM
11/26/13 11:21 PM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,001
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littleGTO Offline OP
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littleGTO  Offline OP
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Thanks, SP! I mostly do feel stronger these days. And, even though we just filed yesterday I've barely thought about it at all today...at least not in a I-can't-believe-this-is-happening sort of way.

It feels like the necessary step I needed to move one more step forward into my new life.

I actually have a close friend that is on the verge of separating from his wife...they have been living in limbo in a similar timeline as I've gone through and his sitch is similar to mine in a lot of ways.

I think he's a little jealous at where I am at since he feels he's waited and waited and waited (all the while DBing, mind you) for things to turn around. They've been living in an "in-house separation" mode for quite a while and he is at the end of his rope allowing her to live in an "open relationship" all the while pretending to family and friends that things are rosy.

I am so glad to be where I am...also because it allows me to help him as a person who's been there and knows pretty much what he's going through.

And, all I can say to the newbies on here is do what you need to do to maintain your sanity, to take care of yourself physically and emotionally as much as possible, and find yourself a support network (I guess you already have if you are here!) and know that someday things WILL get better! smile


M- 18 T-21
S-14,11 & 10
BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA)
H moved out 11-3-2012
10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life.
11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Re: And the beat goes on..! [Re: littleGTO] #2408834
11/26/13 11:32 PM
11/26/13 11:32 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 830
TX
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willbwell Offline
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you sound good. hope to get there myself someday.
Best to you and your next chapter!


M48 H50
M21 T26
S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old
PA confirmed 7/2012
H separates 9/2012
H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY
OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Re: And the beat goes on..! [Re: littleGTO] #2408976
11/27/13 02:09 PM
11/27/13 02:09 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,098
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AnotherStander Offline
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Originally Posted By: littleGTO
And, even though we just filed yesterday I've barely thought about it at all today...at least not in a I-can't-believe-this-is-happening sort of way.


I think that's what true detachment is all about. It's not that you never feel grief over your sitch or over things your H says/ does, it's that you don't dwell on it. The grief pops up, you accept it, process it and keep moving forward. It's a healthy place to be.


Me: 59 w/ S17, D23, D26
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
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