Maybe you need to approach her in an email about the affect it has on them when she calls. Didn't this come up once before?
Nope, not as I recall it! There have been a little discussion in general but that’s it. And then off course a lot about me calling or Skyping Ds
She doesn’t do this much! Perhaps this situation is a little different. Ds have been with me for an entire week. At the same time (mindreading, I know) I believe the call was a lot about what we have been doing. She misses them and she is properly curious.
Originally Posted By: Sandi
I really don't think you should wait till November to discuss Christmas with W. But hopefully the others will give their suggestions.
OK, then I won’t! I will just jump in to this head on as soon as possible – that will properly be next week since I leave country the rest of this week.
Thanks!!
F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
Day is gone and I admit: I am wasted! Single parenting can be a blast but I am drained.
Days have been great and busy. Birthday at neighbor wednesday, guest over for (my first) apple cake thursday, Amusementpark and visit at old friends Saturday and sunday. Sunday afternoon at another friend with 6 children and a visit from Ws cousin, biking in the woods yesterday and today absolutely nothing. We have watched a movie, played some boardgames, made pancakes and buns but stayed home all day. Add in dinners, cleaning, washing clothes….well you all know the drift! Still miss the W and family times. All of the above would have been so much better shared!
I have been packing bags for S10, Ds and myself today. I leave for a four days hunting trip tomorrow and I am looking forward to woods, mud, dirt, silence, nature, wildlife and all of the aspects I love about hunting. W has plans with Ds and XW1 is taken S10 on a small vacation.
Ds wanted to call W this evening so we did. I didn’t talk to her. I just said Hi and gave D4 the phone. W called back later and asked if she could borrow a guest bed and if I could wash Ds clothes. Especially the last one was a little funny since I always do that.
There has been a lot of talk about missing yesterday and today but otherwise these days have been great. During days like these I wonder what perspective W (and other WAWs) has on their own and their children’s life. Do they see all the little things, how do they handle the missing-issues, do they miss the good times years ago and so on. Thoughts like these makes me feel sorry for my broken family including W.
At the same time I still feel stronger as the day’s passes! I am still not even closed to being detached but I feel I am in much better control of me and my life. I feel I am growing as a man and a father and right now one of the biggest issues in my life is in fact lack of time. I am slowly getting better at the many interactions with W and I still keep my hopes up.
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
Just popping in to say hi F and see you have another new thread and are building them up, just like me.
I am so jealous of the amount of GAL stuff you can manage to do, either with your kids or by yourself. It's fantastic and can only help heal you quicker and better.
I did like your last paragraph, and while we might be on different levels of being stronger, detached and growing as a man/father, I am there with you seeing these things in myself. Except I don't have the lack of time, yet.
Enjoy your hunting trip. Watch out for those dangerous sheep and cows.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
I am totally new here, and my W has not yet moved out, but she is moving in that direction. I read your post here and it inspires me to keep fighting, and to look at what I can change in my life.
Tony
_________________________ Me: 37 W: 37 M: 11 D:5 S:2 IDLYA, W removed rings, BD 07/13 EA/Fantasy (PA?) confirmed 12/13 W moved out 05/14
Just one thing from your last topic page F, my W also mentioned that ML was about the only thing left we did that made her feel close to me. That hurt big time. In saying that my W also made the comment about "move on find someone else etc". I simply think it is just typical WAS script. I think while they made the decision to walk away, most don't have the strength to continue to make the hard decisions, so if the LBS moves on, it is easier for them.
Somehow, I feel this is what is happening with my W. She probably expected I would move on by now, expected me to be angry and say nasty things behind her back, to buy the house off her or sell it, and to start divorce proceedings. Since I haven't done any of these, she only has the last option, to ignore me.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Unfortunately I believe I sound greater than I feel! W is still all over me! I am not that affected by her doings or saying anymore but she is constantly on my mind these days. Time will heal this and with the help from this board I feel I am advancing down the right track now.
I do believe the GAL is major. If not for this I would have been a total mess – TOTAL!
I have been thinking a lot about this ML-issue. I will have to dig a little deeper but hopefully I will get to some kind of understanding about myself on this issue. I think I will discuss this with shrink next time.
LL I have been to Sweden several times but in the fall I tend to go to Poland. The nature is extreme and the areas are major (properly nothing like Australia). We hunt at night for Wild boar and that’s an adrenaline kick I can’t describe. Walking around in the forests at night is my favourite. I the day time we help the Polish foresters regulate the numbers of roe and red deer.
F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
F, I think we all sound better than what we feel at times. But the important thing is we are getting there. My W is always on my mind, even over the simplest of things that happen. One day that might reduce, who knows.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
I wanted to talk about Christmas, I know you and Sandi2 were talking about it on your last thread.
Quote:
Last a little about Christmas and New Year We haven’t discussed this and it is properly best done on the phone but I will give you my thought and then we can discuss it next time we talk. I would like this clarified rather quickly. I would like for the Ds and S10 to celebrate Christmas every second year and that means it is my hope that Ds can stay at my place for Christmas this year and at your for New Year. Next year we change. I don’t believe switching on Christmas day (24) and first Christmas day(25) is good for the children.
S10 is home from 20.december till 27.december – properly with a short stay at XW1 since she would like to see him.
Ds are supposed to be at my place from 18. December, but if you would like to see then a day before Christmas that’s totally understandable and we can work it out so they can stay at your place 22. And/or 23. December.
We can switch on 2. Christmas day (26). That will give you a birthday morning every second year and a birthday evening every second year. We can also do the switch on 3. Christmas day (27) – that will give you a full birthday every second year.
According to plans we switch on 1. January. If you have plans we can work something out and if you would like for me to have them, just let me know.
Just my thoughts!
This is very wordy. Based on my past experiences, I would have this conversation by phone (or in person) and follow up with an email that confirms whatever you agree on.
If you lay it all out there about what you want, there is a good chance that when W reads it, she will automatically get annoyed and wonder why it is all about you, what about her, etc. Maybe not, however, that is a pretty typical reaction when faced with information we don't want or aren't happy with.
She will most likely be angry (or something similar) that you expect her to not have her children on Christmas Eve or Christmas. She may not agree with you that the children shouldn't split the holiday between you, etc.
I think you should let her know that you have been giving a lot of thought to Christmas and you know how you would like to handle it and then ask her, "Is there a time when we can talk for a few minutes to see if we are on the same page about this?"
You can't plan exactly how this conversation will go but decide what you are willing to sacrifice, what you are adamant about etc, so that you have some room to negotiate with her. This is one of those situations where you both need to be happy and come away feeling like you didn't lose everything.
Quote:
I don’t believe switching on Christmas day (24) and first Christmas day(25) is good for the children.
Leave this part out, focus on the fact that you would like to be able to celebrate the entire holiday as a family on the year you have your son and the year he is with his mom, she can have her holiday.
I will say that I would never agree to this personally. I would have to give up one but I would not be willing to give up both days every other year. I know you can 'celebrate it any day' but when they are little, Santa and Christmas are magical. It isn't the same a week later (I had to do it one year when my daughter was about 3 and I hated it!), not when they are young.
Completely off topic:
Quote:
4 stays home today. She is quite ill. I think you forgot to put socks for D6 in the bag. It will be hard for her not to have these.
I have seen a few comments about the girls bags. I would like to suggest that you get some clothes to keep at your house, they will wear stuff back and forth, so you may buy it and it ends up at Ws or vice versa but that isn't a big deal.
Having to pack a bag for your house sends the message that they live with mom and they visit dad. It is also a hassle, you have to go pick it up, if w forgets something she has to drop it off.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
