First, I'm so sorry you are facing all of this at what should be nothing but a joyous time.
Second, just because someone else has managed to put their R back together after a similar situation doesn't mean that you will have the same results even following the same patterns. Every R is totally different with different outcomes. Don't compare your R to anyone else.
Third, you need to decide exactly how far you are willing to allow yourself to go with this. Like G said, you are a family no matter what the status of the M is. You are in no way responsible for your H's actions and decisions. You can only control your own boundaries.
Set up a timeline for yourself. Give yourself a set amount of time to reach specific goals and stick to it. Make sure that you inform your H of your requirements to keep working on the M. Yes, continue MC if you feel it's productive and opening your dialogue. He needs IC though. If he's not getting IC, why not? He has issues that he needs to address on his own.
Lastly, if he is being emotionally and verbally abusive to you or the kids then he is NOT a man worthy of your love and support no matter how apologetic he is.
Hugs to you.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
A few weeks ago I snooped into H's iPad and saw conversations he had with OW on Skype. It was such a shock to read what I did (promises of love and her pushing him to divorce me, while they bad mouthed me and she put H on a pedestal). I know it's not the smartest thing to snoop but it killed what was left in my heart.
Ever since then I could not even look at H and eventually asked him to leave. He had both feet ready to bolt out the door already. All he warns to talk about is money and divorce.
Turns out that according to my lawyer, I'm entitled to a lot and now H is panicked since he already pays a lot to his ex. I have a feeling this may turn out ugly.
He still comes over every day to see the boys and the house literally becomes darker. He is such a depressing person. When it's just the boys, my mom and I, the house feels good and we actually laugh a lot. H is always in a bad mood, angry and depressed.
Take today, thanksgiving, for instance. He will spend it alone (unless ow is already in town) in a tiny apartment somewhere.
The other day, in one of our conversations, he says he feels empty, like he has no soul. That is a strange comment. Another time, I caught him staring at me with hatred in his eyes that were so eerie that it creeped me out. My mom says she gets those looks too.
I look at our wedding pictures and see him looking at me with loving eyes. IRS hard to recognize this guy.
