Do I tell her how I feel 1 year on?

[LJC]

AS. Thanks I got ya now I think like Mimi said I just have to be there for the kids and try and gain the trust of my W so that poss we can re build our friendship.

I've said this in previous threads early on in the year, my biggest fear is she will move on and find OM! I suppose that's a bridge I'm gonna have to cross as and when it arises.

Thanks again

[LJC]

Good Morning

Altho this has nothing to do with the subject heading, I didnt think it was worth starting a new thread, In a way I'm just putting it out there to make me feel a little better and if anyone fancies commenting, I'd welcome their view.

For anyone that has followed this subject, I haven't sent the email and haven't breathed a word to W about what I want to say. We are in regular contact and that is why I'm writing as I've noticed 'things' very small things but to a LBS the slightest thing is huge!

For a start, like I've mentioned I've had positive responses to picture messages of S4 when we've been out on our bikes and W has commented 'looks like fun, maybe next time I could tag along!' which maybe a tongue in cheek response with no intension but positive non the less.

I also noticed that W has started following me on twitter, I don't know what to make of this? I haven't spent a lot of time mind reading here but again a positive!

Last week was half term for the kids and months ago I asked if i could have S4 and D10 for this period which W agreed to with no problems. I made sure we had a great time, I took them to Peppa Pig World one day, Legoland the day after and Chessington World of Adventure for another 2 days after that! I dropped them of on Friday nite straight from CWOA as I had a fire course all day saturday and after that I'd planned to go out to watch Arsenal/Liverpool with friends which turned out to be a really good nite. Sunday evening I receive a text message from W asking how my course went and did I have a good evening watching the football etc! For me this is big because there is no mention of kids W is asking how my day and nite went which again is a real positive and if im honest gave me a real spring in my step for the rest of the evening. My responses were friendly and short and ended having a short text conversation.

I'd still like to tell my W how I feel and friends have said tell her as I've nothing to lose, if I don't get the right response move on at least i've tried but then do I really want to risk backsliding and getting her to confirm to herself she has done the right thing?

[Fartiltre]

LJC,

I've noticed 'things' very small things but to a LBS the slightest thing is huge

You are so right – and especially to the LBH (in common). Read up on me, T1000, HWA, dingo or others and you will see a common line that we tend to analyze everything apart.

Right now you overall feel positive responses from your W and she has even asked some questions. Focus on this over all perspective right now! If you really feel this right now it is properly how it is. It can change since this is not a linear process so enjoy and celebrate this movement for now.

You are doing just fine with the GAL and fatherhood – keep on doing exactly that.

I'd still like to tell my W how I feel and friends have said tell her as I've nothing to lose, if I don't get the right response move on at least i've tried but then do I really want to risk backsliding and getting her to confirm to herself she has done the right thing?

I haven’t changed my opinion don’t do this! DON’T!
I think you are hoping for her to just jump into your arms and start kissing you and if I am right you will be most likely be disappointed and perhaps even ruin some of the good interactions you have right now. Thereby it is also my opinion that you have a lot to lose!

Your friends are well meaning and caring people but the advice they give is (and I am guessing) not given out of knowledge or experience but on the ground of caring about you. They properly tell you what they expect you want to hear – just to make you feel better in the moment.
The urge you feel about telling your W is, as I read you, based upon emotions. Keep those in here and do not act upon them in front of W.
Think this through objectively and decide what YOU think is best for you and for your chances of R.

I know this is rough times, I can read your hurt in your lines and I am sorry that you are going through this.


The positive side is that you have small positive interactions with W right now – focus on these.
Instead of sending a letter then you might consider accepting one of her invitation and then show her a good time along with the kids.
Be the man she would fall in love with!
You fear OM! What do you fear he looks like? How is he acting, talking, walking and so on?
Could that be you?

All the best!

F

P.S I am not a VET - so wait for AS or others to come by!