Thank you my forum friends!

[etc]

Thank you for all the help you provided me CP! I'm sure there are great things to come in your life no matter how it all plays out.

ETC

[chasingpavements]

Thanks chl and etc!

I am doing alright, kind of just living life, doing lots with the kids and keeping busy. Happy overall! I feel a great sense of relief, and not wondering about "what will happen next".

Quick update, I went for a lawyer consult and started working on a separation agreement. H has kids on weekends and 1 or 2 weeknights. On Sunday H said he had been re-considering separating?? Said he had done a lot of self-reflection and thinking over the past couple of weeks. Not sure what to make of that. I don't think he is liking all of this lawyer stuff and being separated and he may be acting out of fear, who knows, he is still confused.

[chl0901]

I think confused is probably an understatement! Keep that PMA and taking it one day at a time and see where you end up. Have a great week!

[chasingpavements]

Chl.. not only is he confused but I am as well now !! Lol. I was starting to let go and move on and now he is (possibly) reconsidering. What on earth am I going to do with that information?

We are going to have another talk soon. Does anyone have any suggestions / ground rules/ boundaries for going into the talk?? I need to make sure that me and him are on the same page here.

Any help would be appreciated.
-cp

[ForeverYoung]

It sounds like H got whacked good with the Reality Stick.

What do you want?

Take your time here, move with caution. No sweeping it all under the rug allowed.

[MrBond]

Let him talk. See if he has a plan of action. He'll probably say something like he wants to date you and then see what happens. That won't work. There should be some kind of C aspect to it so that the same mistakes aren't repeated.

See if he is willing to go to C for the both of you. You need someone who can come up with a roadmap for healing and give you the tools that you can continue with on your own.

[chasingpavements]

Thanks ForeverYoung and MrBond,

FY: What I would ultimately like is to reconcile. If that is not possible I want to know very soon so that I can move on!


Mr. Bond, I think you are right, I am going to let him talk first and see what he has to say. I also agree that counseling is needed. Would it be reasonable for me to tell him that I would only work on things if we agree do counseling? How do I say that without coming across as being controlling?

When I talked to my MC she told me that the first step for us trying to re-connect would be for H to start individual counseling so that he can work out his issues that he is having. I am just worried about how controlling that would sound!

[FlyOnTheWall]

I don't think it sounds controlling CP, just admit that you don't think the both of you can do it alone. That you both have work yet to do, and you need guidance to get there if theres a chance.

Its not controlling, its reality.

Good luck.

[chasingpavements]

Thanks again everyone for all of the support. So now I have a plan of action. Take it slow. Let him come to me, and let him talk first to see what he is thinking.

In the meantime, think of some boundaries/conditions:
-we both have to be willing to put in the required effort, to be able to move forward with our relationship and progress
-counseling would be needed; start out with IC and move to MC when we are ready

Am I missing anything?
-regards,
-cp

[chasingpavements]

So we are going to have a talk Monday.. thank goodness, I think I will feel relief no matter what happens. (So long as there is no more waffling/limbo/ambivalence/fence-sitting involved). Can you tell I am tired of the ambivalence??