Time is on our side

[RosaLinda]

H was playing this on the piano yesterday, and I thought what a great song it is for DBing. Time IS on our side, and our hearts are open. Of course I don't agree that the OW are better than us, our Hs have affaired WAY down!

It don't matter to me 
If you take up with 
Someone who's better than me 
'Cause your happiness is all I want 
For you to find 
Peace ... your peace of mind 

A lot of people have an ego hang-up 
'Cause they want to be the only one 
How many came before it really doesn't matter 
Just as long as you're the last 
Everybody's moving on and try to find out 
What's been missing in the past 

And it don't matter to me 
If your searching brings you back together with me 
'Cause there'll always be 
An empty room waiting for you 
An open heart waiting for you 
Time is on my side
.............. "It Don't Matter to Me" Bread

We often sing together in the evenings, while he plays the piano (which he is no longer threatening to sell) or somtimes I play my flute. Not a really exciting couple I wasn't emotionally hardy enough to sing this one with him though, and found it a strange choice.

H loves music, and one of the things he LOVED LOVED LOVED about the Russian Tramp is that they amazingly had the exact same taste in music. It was one of his biggest signs that they were soul mates. But he was so disappointed when he returned from their first conjugal visit, when she came to NY last March for 2 weeks of boinking to aid in her Divorce-Your-Wife campaign. He said he brought a couple of his favorite songbooks, but she did not know ANY of the songs. I hope she's boned up on any other subjects she's lied about for conjugal visit #2. Starting tomorrow. 

Thanks to all of you, rH, NLT, uR, Nero, Portia and everyone , for your good wishes for my surgery tomorrow, and encouraging words to be strong and show H that the beautiful woman he'll be missing won't be missing him Well I won't let him know anyway!! 

I was think about you and your mom last night Nero. My MIL called to find out what time she has to pick me up today (it's Wed mom) AND my dad called to see how my surgery had gone  (it's Wed dad)...sigh. It's hard when you can see your parents failing a bit. But I'm blessed to still have them, both in their 80's. 

From my last thread ( Blowing in the wind):

"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass,
it's about learning how to dance in the rain"

rH "The way I figure it, is if your M doesn't survive, you will be completely mature as an individual (dancing in the rain and laughing). But certainly to add to that the maturity as a couple along with the richness of shared history....I can't say how enough how satisfying that is! (Again with the feeling of guilt and hesitancy.....)"

Thanks rH. Like uR and I told you, your happiness gives the rest of us hope! Thanks for your honesty in admitting that you came to this forum to save your M, not to become a better person, but that both have happened along the way. That is the reason we are all here, and my hope for us all is that we all are growing. 

uR "And there is always hope. And to be able to give that to people is very powerful. Coming from someone as loving and open as you makes it so sweet."

we all love you and wish the best for you rH! Dancing in the rain is a great GAL, and time is on our side!

[uRworthy]

You know, Rosa, the bird is flying around the cuckoo clock regarding your h. He is freakin nuts right now.

Let him go to Russia and see how they live. It isnt easy over there. He has this fantasy in his head, and reality is going to hit him in it.

But I dont care about him one bit. It is you I care about. I will be thinking of you and praying for you. I know everything is going to be ok with your surgery.

When you say goodbye to him, hear me saying, "Be light, carefree, and happy that you are getting your eyes straightened out, you are going to be getting ready for your trip and oh yes, meeting me." LOL!

You can do this, my friend. You will have some peace for a little while, not having to deal with MLC or skype or crazy. I think you are going to really enjoy this time. At least that is my hope.

[Whiterose]

Enjoy this break Linda....you deserve a rest love

[mizjjd]

Hiya RL!

I hope today is a better day for you.

My MIL called to find out what time she has to pick me up today (it's Wed mom) AND my dad called to see how my surgery had gone (it's Wed dad)...sigh. It's hard when you can see your parents failing a bit. But I'm blessed to still have them, both in their 80's.

Maybe the 3 day weekend threw them off?

But yes, it is very hard to realize the clock is running on your parents.

The bread song is something else isn't it? Detachment to the max.

And it don't matter to me
If your searching brings you back together with me


I just don't know about this. I get the "being okay either way" but "it don't matter"? That seems over the top. Like if you don't at least have a preference for somebody to return, why should they even bother?

Maybe it means there will always be a spouse-sized hole in our hearts, whether or not the spouse is there to fill it. That hole, that empty room, is always there. So return/no return doesn't matter I guess.

Take care of your peepers RL. Here's to hoping for clearer vision for both you and the H.

[reachingHigher]

We often sing together in the evenings, while he plays the piano (which he is no longer threatening to sell) or somtimes I play my flute. Not a really exciting couple

This is so sweet. I think connecting through music can be very powerful.

And I have also wondered, since MLC, about this "it don't matter to me" song. Has some strange ideas, but it is nice to think that in the end they get back together!

Thanks for the encouragement about my sitch. It's just that "too good to be true" at times feeling.

At this time last year my H was sliding from a flirting-more-and-contacting-more phase to I-wanna-D phase. So it's all still so surreal. But strangely like he is back to normal. But a new normal. A satisfied, happy man normal.

And strangely he is looking more and more handsome in my eyes than ever before! That was slipping A LOT last year. But he is taking better care of himself and...honestly...looks ten years younger than he did. I tell him that all the time!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

So...tomorrow is the big day, is it? Surgery and H off to Russia?

My friend I told you about who M the Russian girl loved it there until he visited. There are so many inconveniences!

I'll be waiting anxiously to hear how it all goes!

Wishing you the best,
Thank you for your constant encouragement and sunny disposition
rH

[BrightFuture]

Hi RL, I hope your surgery goes well tomorrow.

I love this quote, I copied it for myself:
"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass,
it's about learning how to dance in the rain"

I have confidence in you that you can say goodbye to your H tomorrow with dignity. Good luck.

[makingmagic]

Hi RL.... just wanted to offer my support too.

Good luck... YOU CAN DO THIS!!

[RosaLinda]

Thank for all of your moral support. I am still feeling very very strange. Actually what I am feeling is.....nothing. Not anxious, happy, sad, angry, nothing. I feel as if my mind and heart have shut down. And my stomach too, H made me some soup and it just made me feel so sick to eat. It is so strange, and I don't like it much. Sort of what I imagine being on certain psychiatric medications might be like. As if my brain and heart and body are in a cloud or fog. I never felt like this and don't know how to describe it. I wonder if this is what being in a MLC fog is like. If so, believe me, it svcks. Much worse than being in pain.

I have to be at the hospital by 6 am, so my elderly mother in law will be coming to sleep over tonight, as well as tomorrow night. She lives pretty far away so this is easier for her. The eye surgeon's office called to tell me that he is not part of my insurance network (I have seen him 3 times already, when were they going to mention this?) so they farmed me out to another surgeon.

S27 is driving H to the train around 6 am also, I think. H is very concerned about MY trip all of a sudden, he looked up the type of plane and on-time rate (not good ). He is also acting very concerned about me being home "alone" for a month, and has been a whirlwind of activity -- he mowed the lawn, he ordered fuel oil, tuned up my car, took down the pool. He says that after about an hour of activity he is exhausted, and that walking for an hour exhausts him for days. Oh well, have fun sight seeing H.

Remember how I was concerned about how to say good bye to him tomorrow, whether or not to give him a hug, what to say etc? If I still feel in a fog like this I don't think I'd care if we don't even say one word to each other.

[job]

Linda,
What you are feeling is pretty normal, especially w/a mlcer in the house, as well as a surgery date for tomorrow. It's stress and nerves that are playing on your system. I know you are concerned about his trip, but right now, you need to relax, take a deep breath, and focus on what you need to do tomorrow for your surgery. I would take a very nice hot, long bubble bath this evening and try to clear your mind of stressful things. Yes, it can be done because you need to be calm for your surgery. Please follow all of the instructions that your surgeon will provide to you tomorrow. If he says no reading or computer work, by all means stay away from those things. Your eyes are the most important sense that you have and you need to take care of them and yourself.

As for your h, his trip is not going to be a pleasant one if he's several hours away from the tart and if he's not happy about walking much...well he's in for a rude awakening over there. The fantasy must play out in order to get it out of his system. God will watch over him and will open his eyes to life once he gets there.

By all means, let the man do everything so that you don't have to worry for a month. LOL!

Tomorrow, say goodbye and wish him a safe trip. None of us have any idea what will transpire w/the situation that is playing out in Syria right now and if it gets too nasty, he may very well have to return home sooner than expected.

For now, focus on you and get a good night's rest.

[RosaLinda]

thanks Snodderly, I was thinking maybe I'm going a bit nuts! You know what, a long hot bubble bath and glass of wine would be fabulous for my PMA this evening. I'm allowed to drink until midnight

I'm letting my H go with love, and trusting God to let H experience what ever he needs to move on with his MLC journey. I actually think it will be a relief for him to be gone for a month, plus I have SO many fun things planned for myself!

Thanks again everyone! No computing for me tomorrow but I'll let you all know how it went after I see the surgeon on Thursday.