Summary: - BD was 14 months ago - Separated just under a year ago (W renting house 5 minutes away) - 50-50 custody of kids - W said about 2 months ago she wants to proceed with divorce. About 1 month ago she said she hadn't started the paperwork yet but intended to. Just after that she was diagnosed with breast cancer and has since had surgery for it. Radiation treatments start next week. I haven't asked about D and she hasn't mentioned it, so I assume it's on hold while she deals with the cancer. - There is a much younger OM who is actively involved with W, they go out a lot with our kids and he's over at her house frequently. Based on some snooping it seems clear that W has a crush on him, but I don't know if it's a PA or EA or if it goes both ways or not.
Update: W turned 50 last week. As I mentioned in my last thread, some coworkers, MIL and OM organized a big party for her and I was not invited. It took place Friday. Before I knew about the party I had bought her some presents and asked her if she wanted to get together Saturday. She said Monday would be better. Her BFF drove in from out-of-state for the surprise party and stayed the weekend. Her BFF is a real saint, this woman has had heart problems for over a decade, yet she has stuck by her husband who has MS. He has degraded to the point that he can't even get on and off a toilet by himself. His W has to do everything for him, yet despite her own health issues she has never wavered regarding her M. I really have a lot of respect for her! Anyway, W and BFF had not seen each other for 7 years. They stayed up until 2:30 to 3:00 am Friday through Sunday catching up! W dropped S10 off Sunday and brought BFF with her which I thought was really nice of her because I haven't seen her in 7 years either.
Because W had been up all weekend I told her yesterday (Monday) that if she wanted to forego getting together I understood and that I could just drop the gifts off at her house. But she did want to get together still. So we all went to dinner and then back to my house so she could open the gifts. I told her beforehand that I figured she was "cake and ice creamed out" from the weekend and that I didn't get her a cake and she looked really relieved and gave me the thumb's up, LOL! Now most of you probably know that Sandi's rules say no gifts, but W did give me some very thoughtful gifts for my recent bday and it is her big 5-0, so I wanted to return the favor. One of the gifts was a photo arrangement of the kids from our vacation trip to Arkansas (that W wasn't on)- kayaking, hiking and zip-lining. The frame had spots for 8 photos. I put 7 photos in and in the 8th spot I did a watercolor card with "We (heart) You Mom!". The heart was a separate piece that I attached to the outside of the glass on a block to space it out a bit. Then I had the kids sign the bottom of the card and it went behind the glass. She seemed really touched by it.
I haven't hardly seen W the last few weeks, just a few minutes maybe 2 or 3 times? This was the longest we've been around each other in quite a while. She seemed really open towards me, I'm not sure how to describe it but I think she enjoyed the evening despite being really tired.
I had a really great weekend, the weather was awesome Saturday so I spent the day flying my R/C planes and helis, riding 3 of my 4 motorcycles and washing my Mustang and taking a ride in it with the top down. Also went and visited a lady friend of mine. Had to do yardwork Sunday but still managed to get in some more flights too.
Thankfully the mono is FINALLY tapering off. It's been 4 weeks and I really just started feeling better late last week. I've been back in the gym and am back to my normal number of sets although I'm still not back up to the weights I was doing pre-illness.
From my last thread:
Originally Posted By: littleGTO
Get well, AS!
Sorry about the bday party for your W- not getting invited, but it sounds like you've handled yourself very well, as usual these days!
Boy, your wife is going through a lot, I have to say...for most women turning that next decade is killer! I still can't admit to turning 4-0 outloud!
Thank you! I don't know what the deal is with 40, I remember turning 30 and it was no biggie but 40, that was hard to fess up to, LOL! Then 50 didn't seem like a big deal either. So maybe it's downhill from 40
What a trying time for you all. I can see where this could be very difficult, it appears you are doing what is best. Stay strong.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
I am glad to hear your feeling better. I hear mono is a butt kicker and it just takes a while to get over.
Quote:
Because W had been up all weekend I told her yesterday (Monday) that if she wanted to forego getting together I understood and that I could just drop the gifts off at her house. But she did want to get together still. So we all went to dinner and then back to my house so she could open the gifts. I told her beforehand that I figured she was "cake and ice creamed out" from the weekend and that I didn't get her a cake and she looked really relieved and gave me the thumb's up, LOL!
Thats a positive step her wanting to get together even though she was worn out. Baby steps...
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Hi, AS, I used to post here a lot back during the early part of last year and remember a bit about your sitch. My H and I also went to Retrouvaille and, although we ultimately divorced, we have reconciled since and have been in an exclusive relationship from about March of this year. I just wanted to take the time to confirm that there is hope. I also wanted to say that, I'm just about to turn 50, and this is the first birthday that is really kicking my behind. I'm not sure why, but if your wife is feeling the same way (especially with being ill), I can understand that it might all be turning her world upside down. The tone you are setting with her seems spot on. I'm not sure whether to post my whole reconciliation story here or in another category of the forums and don't want to steal your topic. Just wanted to pop in. Onward and upward
Hey there AS, I've got a 20 year marriage hanging too, and there is a younger OM who I am unsure if there is EA or PA but I can see she is interested AND he is buddies with my boys. It sure does suck. I will be reading all your back story. Hang in there, and here, we need you around!
Me-41 W-41 M-20y 2 teen sons 1 preteen son BD/ilybinilwy 6/8/13 I moved out 7/24/13
So glad that you are feeling better and back to being able to do the things that you enjoy
It does sound like the birthday was a positive for your interaction with W, and you had your expectations low. Your gift was very thoughtful as well. I can't remember the last time that I got something as thoughtful. Those are things that OM cannot do for her that you can.
Enjoy the flying and riding!
M44 H57 D17 (special needs) M 18 yrs Bomb 7/2/12 Still living together
Glad to see you are doing well. I am curious though; I know that when you were sick you mentioned that you felt W was keeping you on a string as a just in case measure. Do you still feel that way and maybe that is just another WAS trait. It is usually not the big 40 and 50 that are hard because you prepare yourself for them it is the 41 and the 51 that are hard because they come so much faster!
AS-glad to hear you are getting better everyday. The rest of the year is yours because you got dumped on the past couple of months. That was a lot of sh*t. I admire your strength.
I have never been a number person lol. But will let you know how I feel when the 5-0 hits in a few years!!!
AS I read your thread a lot; I have learned a lot from you. So at the same time it is hard to see what you had to go through recently. But you still seem to bounce up out of the turbulence. W has still given no positive confirmation on OM? You talked some time ago about dropping the rope as the only time when the W seems that relationships either make it or don't do you still feel that way? Hope things are going well for you.
