better to love or be loved?

[RosaLinda]

That physical attraction is a killer, WBW, isn't it?

D is a very scary prospect to me. I agree with IWonderToo that you should take it very seriously. And not trust him one inch. My H mentioned D for the first time in 4 years right after his 2-week PA with his EA (does that even make sense ) but asked me not to push him, to give him time to decide what HE wants to do. Do you live in a community property state? Your H doesn't seem very accommodating, do you think he would really take your kids for a week without a court order?

It's sort of funny/sad that he doesn't want to give you half of his account because you'd "use that $ with another man someday" Is that the inheritance you mentioned? Didn't he already agree to give you half of that? I hope he does right by you and his kids.

Hang in there WBW, it sounds like you are getting stronger!

[Iwondertooo]

There is a very good book The Journey from Abandonment to Healing that explains the physiology of the end of a long term relationship. I found it very helpful as I too missed the daily physical interaction and it is not about sex. The author calls it withdrawal. It is a difficult and lonely passage but you can do it. Take care of yourself and your children. Are you getting exercise? Wonder

[JustStunned]

In the beginning I was devastated. I didn’t wash her pillowcase b/c her scent was still present; afterwards I washed it. I second the recommendation for The Journey From Abandonment to Healing.

I know this part is hard. The more you can view the D as breaking a business relationship the better you are likely to come out financially. I know how difficult it is to keep emotions in check and out of these negotiations. That was one of the reasons I retained an L.

In my State inheritance is not treated as community property until it becomes community property. Verbal agreements even those made with our Ls present were not binding. It was what was written and the Court had ruled on that each of us lives with.

[willbwell]

ok, so I asked h if he talked to our financial guy about the sole account. It is more than he can " gift" me. I will wait and see what he says. will ask that he out both our names on it thus it becomes community property. We shall see.

Was paying bills over weekend. Found another lie by H. Would like to confront him. I've asked that he be forthcoming. I see no reason to lie at this point. If h is going to make these choices, atleast be man enough to admit them.
I know, its his guilt coming into play...

[kml]

I may be wrong here, but in a divorce, I don't believe there is any gift tax issue to be concerned about. I'm pretty sure that H can just give you half that account as part of the marital settlement. If he is trying to tell you there is a gift tax issue then he is probably lying.

Have your own consultation with an accountant. Also, in making terms for a settlement, make sure to consider the tax ramifications of everything. Examples:

-Alimony is deductible to the person who pays it and taxable to the person who receives it.

-If you keep the marital home and your equity in it exceeds the allowance for tax-free profit (still 250k for an individual, I believe, and 500k for a couple?) you will pay capital gains tax on the excess when you sell. If you might sell in a year or two, may be better to sell now (before divorce, when you can use the whole 500 k exception).

[willbwell]

Thanks for book suggestions.. I am always reading. Wish I had more time for it! my eyes get so tired at night. I have 3 classes to read for too so that takes precedence.

not worried about the house thing. our equity is not that much. I will keep the house. Atleast until s16 goes to college. Because of my special needs d, h will forever have to pay for her support. He doesn't seem to mind writing the check(at this point) but doesn't want to do any of the work. I asked what is he going to do if something happens to me. He says hire someone!lovely

[willbwell]

feeling blah and defeated today. Our financial guy is not going to touch sole account until attorneys are involved. I know in my head of course it is just business. its the not having any say what so ever in the matter. I don't want any of this, but I have to go along.

[willbwell]

s 17 bday is today. h will come over this eve for the bbq I have planned for s. s17 has about 10 friends coming over.
h had been out of town all week. h stopped by last night to see kids. I have now asked h to let me know when he is stopping by, no more just showing up.
was paying bills last week( new for me, h has done in past) came across another lie by h. h said he was in one city, charge from another city(oops happens to be city where ow is)This is during the time that he was 'back home' I just hate the lies
I need to read up on this lying business. Would never expect h to be such a lier . I don't even like saying the word.

Have to go to a meeting for s17 team this AM. h will also go. I am always friendly to h. perhaps my 180 should be to ignore him. that is so hard for me to do! we both still have our rings on. we sit together. I know h is in an active affair and it does me no good to show disappointment.

This is what is confusing to me. on the one hand I am bright and cheerful on the other, he gets away with his a. I want to be friendly, but its like I am giving him permission...

Any feedback anyone??

[willbwell]

had a good time with kids over the weekend. really I feel sad for h that he is missing out. time with s17 is so fleeting.
have to remind myself that it is h's choice. really today felt some true disgust at h about the lies. usually when I look at /think about h, I still melt. don't want h to be that guy that lies, but he is.
my school work is busy.

[Iwondertooo]

You are not giving him permission. You are moving on. Right? Wonder