I'm a very lucky person, but still fine tuning

[woundedfool]

Here is my 1st thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2374997&page=1

Synopsis: Married just shy of 10 years, W BD me with news she wasn't happy for a long time, moved out & filed for D while I was out of town on business. Surprised not only me, but everyone including all of our friends and family.

The BD was the ONLY time in our time together she ever mentioned unhappiness or divorce. (We even booked a 10 year anniversary trip 5 (or so) weeks before she BD).

Since the BD, I embraced DB'ing. I have learned I have been a very blessed person. I have a great network of family, friends, co-workers and peers that have rallied around me and helped me GAL.

DB'ing has:

• re-ignited my faith (not that it was horrible, but I was a "couch catholic". I am now fully immersed in my faith again.
• Helped me renew old friendships as a GAL
• Helped me tremedously in my career, as I feel more focused and productive

I have also learned that the old saying is true, when God closes one door, he opens another: As I have had several tragedies in my family this year; the tools I have learned in DB'ing have helped me help my family navigate the tragedies. Including buying a friend DR who needed it for his son.

I feel a bit like George Bailey as I really do have a Wonderful Life.

Moving forward, I have been cooperating with the D but having no expectations as how that will play out.

[AnotherNeedsHelp]

I like the last bit that you say there. I think a lot of us just expect the WAS to come round and it might not happen or it might take a very long time but as long as you have hope, not expectation, then you'll be okay.

Congratulations on how things are going. It seems like you're doing very well for yourself.

[hotwheelsaust]

woundedfool, good to hear that DB has improved you and your life, while also regaining your faith.
Like you my family and friends had no idea what the W felt or was feeling. They all found out via the W on the same day. Like you we were still making future plans (maybe mostly me as per her complaints). Like you BD was the only time she mentioned unhappiness or divorce.
I might not be as far down the line with DB as you, but getting there.

[woundedfool]

Got some hate text from W, accused me of "talking smack" about her. I am not guilty of the "charge", as I have not seen the person she cited as the source since before BD. Almost felt like she was trying to goat me into a fight. I calmly denied the "charge", and told her I have not interacted with this person. Now, from that she has decided not to have any more dinners with me.

[AnotherNeedsHelp]

I'm not sure I would worry too much about that right now. You said yourself you'd had no interaction with this supposed source. You were in a no-win situation as it does sound to me like W was trying to goad you into a fight and when you wouldn't take the bait, she used that as her "reason" not to see you.

[AnotherStander]

Got some hate text from W, accused me of "talking smack" about her. I am not guilty of the "charge", as I have not seen the person she cited as the source since before BD. Almost felt like she was trying to goat me into a fight. I calmly denied the "charge", and told her I have not interacted with this person. Now, from that she has decided not to have any more dinners with me.

I've heard of this exact same thing happening before and then practically overnight the WAS will act like everything is fine again and the convo never took place. Do what you can to detach yourself from the crazy train!

[woundedfool]

Holy crap

I've heard of this exact same thing happening before and then practically overnight the WAS will act like everything is fine again and the convo never took place. Do what you can to detach yourself from the crazy train!

Holy Crap.... did you ever hit the nail on the head. I actually got the hate text Wed or Thurs (but posted about it Friday). Over the weekend, I get texts thanking me for a bunch of things.

[woundedfool]

I mentioned this in my old thread, but since it locked, I never received any responses.

I would appreciate any thoughts on the actual divorce itself: I am thinking that no matter what, I should follow through with the legal side of the divorce itself (to a final judgement), regardless of how our relationship ends up.

Is my path counter productive to DB'ing?

Any thoughts (or sharing experiences) would be appreciated.

[AnotherStander]

Holy Crap.... did you ever hit the nail on the head.

LOL! Sometimes the script is soooo predictable!

I would appreciate any thoughts on the actual divorce itself: I am thinking that no matter what, I should follow through with the legal side of the divorce itself (to a final judgement), regardless of how our relationship ends up.

Is my path counter productive to DB'ing?

The DB approach is to not interfere with the D, but don't help it along either. Let the WAS handle everything. If she brings you something to sign, read it, show it to your lawyer if you have one and go ahead and sign it. Some people try to delay the D but usually it just makes the WAS angry. Do make sure you're rights are protected, if you don't agree with the D settlement then by all means fight for what is rightfully yours. But if it's at all possible to get through the process without a big nasty fight then that's the way to go.

It's not uncommon for the WAS to suddenly change after D. Often they feel the burden has been lifted and there's no more pressure, so they don't see the LBS as the enemy anymore. So hope doesn't end at D, you just never know.

[woundedfool]

The DB approach is to not interfere with the D, but don't help it along either. Let the WAS handle everything. If she brings you something to sign, read it, show it to your lawyer if you have one and go ahead and sign it. Some people try to delay the D but usually it just makes the WAS angry. Do make sure you're rights are protected, if you don't agree with the D settlement then by all means fight for what is rightfully yours. But if it's at all possible to get through the process without a big nasty fight then that's the way to go.

Cooperation has been my mantra. I have been protecting my interests. But for the most part I have been agreeable in the process. I have let my attorney do all the "dirty work" (be the bearer of bad news, requests for money, ending inappropriate behavior, etc).

It's not uncommon for the WAS to suddenly change after D. Often they feel the burden has been lifted and there's no more pressure, so they don't see the LBS as the enemy anymore.

This is a bit reassuring, open question to everyone: Anyone else find things have improved after the legal process has taken its course?