I've been reading about MLC, and I am most certainly the LBS. My H. fits a bit of the MLC, but is behaving more rational. When we were under same roof, I could now look back and see where he was. When he first left, I did get a lot of e-mails where he would do the what if's or if only. I did see the complaints . Then I noticed he was becoming more introspective. He even realized he had to get out of where he was staying,( he was staying on a couch in an environment he considered like a frat house ) he's now in a condo of a friend, rent free. He has mentioned that he may be going through MLC. He has used phrases like " Life partner " or " looking at the next 30 years ". He still pays all the bills, even told me to deposit 1,000. in my savings. Uses "we" when we talk. He has admitted he misses me ...and the kids, feels melancholy when he thinks about us...
I have been nothing but upbeat, I get off the phone first, he has called twice to " touch base ". I'm just so confused. Where is this going? I do not mention any relationship issues, we discuss finances and funny incidents, jobs, . He notices the weeds and has contacted the lawn guy to make sure the parking area he built , will be cut back and killed. He even mentioned looking at the Nissan Jute or Juke (don't know) for me and getting it to replace my Ford Explorer. He has a job, and is being offered another, which is more in line with his experience . He discusses what his income will be, and continues to use " we, our, us, ". The hostility that he had in the beginning is no longer there...gone! I have no clue what to do! Y
Yesterday I handled a bill and a financial situation. I also did something for me, went to a Swing class. THAT was FUN! But on the way home, I kept thinking about how I wish he was with me. <:'c Our D. will move out this week, and I will be back to all alone in the house. NOT looking forward to this.
I'm having difficulty with making a list of small steps. I tend to be a whole picture kind of gal...I did do the : don't call back right away, be happy and light, I look good every time we see each other, I am at a loss now. He has come by for mail, should I just send it to him in a large envelope? Once I do that, there is no reason for him to come by house. I took his things to storage.
I'm planning on going to class tonight, Wednesday I'm going to go to the Swing practice, and Thursday is class again. The weekend is the worst. I do work Friday and Saturday, but the evenings will be rough. Daughter will be gone and I'm in house alone...Sunday is school too, but it is the night time that I feel so so sad.
Help please, not thinking as clearly as I'd like.
MLC=[censored] to be him
empathy: putting myself in his shoes and fighting like Hell for our marriage
" I will see you again...this is not where it ends..."
Sounds like you are doing better than you give yourself credit for. Might not seem like it now, but you seem to be already doing GAL activities, and have a pretty good PMA.
How long has he been out of the house?
You guys seem to be getting along better than many in this situation - you don't seem to get the anger/rage/provoking behavior so many spouses engage in when they leave. Just remember to assess your actions/reactions and ask if your response will make things worse, since there's no magic words that can make it better. I always had a hard time with that - accepting the things that are out of my control. Remembering that I can't necessarily make it better, but can sure make it worse! From what you've said, you seem to be doing that ok already.
If he doesn't mind picking up the mail, and you don't mind that, why not let him keep coming over for it unless he asks you to send it? At least that give you some brief interactions face to face.
The weekends and other long times alone are the worst. I know those nights are awful, too. It does get a bit easier as time goes by - I know it seems like it won't, but it does. Those are also the times when you must exercise great self control, because that's when it's easy to convince yourself to send a text or email, or look at Facebook or whatever....
Keep up the classes, Swing, etc. Anything to keep busy, and exercise is great because it also helps ensure you're tired enough to get good sleep, which also helps with keeping a positive attitude.
