Snodderly, thank you - I suppose I find 8 years worth of MLC a bit sad.
But honestly, I am chuckling to myself to think he could be bothered to comb back through all the paperwork to discover this. It may or may not be correct but I do not care - it is horribly funny. He is about to spend money on his second home, so I imagine he needs every last cent!!
I hope that the meeting goes well, but I know that my youngest son needs to say some hard things to my xh about how he treated his family. The rest of us have pretty much written him off as a lost cause, but youngest son keeps hoping . . . . I do think this meeting is a deal breaker for him though.
No, it's more fitting to have $38.00 in rolled pennies! Now, that's the way to go about it. LOL!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
That was a great reply Bea, sort of a 180 for you huh? Did he reply? Sometimes we just have to laugh and shake our heads in disbelief. Mine told me quite seriously that I owed him $4.10 last week. He skipped right over the fact that I have paid for all of the household for the past seven years. And Snodderly's H, my God, quibbling over a $10 gas charge when she had just paid for his car repair AND lawyer!
Seems they are all taking the same course at MLC High - Principles of Accounting for MLCers 101!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
No he hasn't replied - he has a little formula for replying which I am close to figuring out. He doesn't seem to be able to reply more quickly than I do. So if for example, I reply in (say) 6 hours, he will wait longer than that. If it is two days he will wait at least three days. It is all a bit childish. I mix it up a bit to throw him off!!
Sometimes the only way to deal with a MLCer is to laugh at their antics. Can't they see how totally ridiculous they are (as well as mean and cruel and hurtful)? At the end of it all I think they are the ones most hurt by it all.
Today is a big day for him - lunch and afternoon with youngest son, and then a hand delivered letter from his eldest son (care of younger brother) . . . .who isn't a happy bunny with his father, and has decided it is time he was challenged on his behaviour.
I truly do not know whether to laugh or cry at times. Mostly I laugh these days.
You raise very good points about the MLCer and it made me think about it some more.
Yes, it svcks royally that the LBS and their families are collateral damage to the MLCer. It speaks to their level of desperation in getting away from 'that problem' that they, at some level, really can't be too concerned about the damage they inflict on loved ones.
In regards to male MLCers, it seems to me that the Mr. Hyde asserts himself in the long-term to squash the LBS and tear down the W to an insiginificant level in order to elevate themselves. I see it with WH, Rose, your sitches. This makes me wonder if they were bullies in their youth which seems to mainifest to a larger extent in MLC and beyond. How else do you explain the God-awful crueltieis displayed in their actions and behaivors for a long-period of time?
Another observation about the mean MLCer and the OW. In oder to build up their low self-esteem and self-worth, they need to integrate themselves with the OW who thinks of the MLCer as a "prince" who rescued them from their 'awful' life and works hard to reduce their wives to dust as if to obilterate them from their lives. To me, there's a lot of fear and insecurity underneath the surface that manifests itself as anger, spewing, loopy-de-doo irrational thinking.
Seems to me that the filter in the brain shuts down and the real 'wounded person' makes an appearance via MLC. I guess it all depends on the extent of the original wound determines the length and severity of the MLC. Another factor to take into account is the person's true personality. All of those variables come in play during MLC, D, post-D interactions.
I'm interested in hearing your thoughts from your tiki-hut vantage point of view on my stab at analyzing your H, Bea.
Wonka, thanks for your insightful comments - I think my xh was bullied by his father, rather than being a bully himself. I think his behaviour in this respect is acting out
And yes, i think xh feels 'inferior' in some way to me - he didn't pre MLC but he gradually saw himself as diminished, and so he does this idiotic and really laughable pompous act. It used not to make me laugh, it used to hurt, but now I can see him strutting around and trying to be the big bully.
Fear and insecurity are a big part of this, no doubt about it. most people seem to be plunged into MLC by things that do not destablize a more secure person - loss being a big one.
However my rather shrewd therapist thinks it is masks that they put on to deal with it, rather than MLC being their true self. They cease to become their authentic self - gradually that disappears, and the masks take over veiling the pain, but also the real person.
Don't know. I would be interested to see what others think. The person who contacts me isn't my real husband - I have discussed this before, and know others differ on this. To me this man is the alien who lives in my husband's body, just as Mr Hyde took over dr Jekyll. It doesn't mean Dr J never existed. Mr Hyde isn't more 'real' than Dr J, but he certainly has the upper hand right now!! He bores me, and I wish he would go away but he seems set on staying, so we soldier on.
Bea, I too think my xh was bullied, but by his mother. His father was never around...to busy chasing women and racking up at least 4 other wives along the way.
They do feel inferior to us and when mlc hits, the hurt, vulnerable child comes out swinging and they want to lash out at the world.
Well the person in my xh's body is someone very different from the person I knew for over 25 years. Sometimes it's a teenager and other times a very different man. Can't say it's a mature man because of all the things he puts out on the net...but surely different.
So, Bea, soldier on and keep your wonderful sense of humor in place. He's still stuck or should I say rowing he board in circles?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
