To little Too late

[labug]

So keep your foot out of your mouth and the easiest way to do that is not discuss the R.

Keep working on you, don't sweat the small stuff, she'll let you know if and when she's ready to talk R.

[DigDeeper]

Hi 2l2l, just dropped by to catch up on your situation. Hope you've been doing lots of GAL and have been on PMA.

As labug said, i won't try to encourage any relationship talks with her now. When she is ready to talk she will have the talk with you.

[2little2late]

Ok.
I guess the saying is true that you sometimes create what you worry about.
I have not thought about our separation or divorce and I don't ask her any questions she tells me no lies.
Que Sera Sera.
I will keep my mouth shut.
She actually called me just to tell me about her day. It caught me a little off guard but I was cool.
I go through life wanting everything but accepting what I get.
No disappointment just going with the flow.
I'm OK.

[2little2late]

So here I am a few months into my separation, but not really a move out separation. We are separated because I have a taken a job out of town not because of an actual move out.
Anyway, ever since my wife explicitly said to me that she is through with our marriage and has to move on to live her life I have also started to do the same. I am more dim than dark because of our daughter.
So my wife has had a strange turn and I don't know what to make of it. She has progressively been more concerned about me and our future. She calls and talks about day to day life kind of like we are a happily married couple. All of our conversations are about "we" and "us" and the future is always us. I swear that it is strange. There is no physical contact. No talk about us. No intimacy of any kind. I have conditioned my self to not be concerned about us but just for our daughter.
So what should I do? Nothing? I am concerned that in time my feelings towards her will fade. She seems to be moving towards me while I keep moving emotionally away. I really don't know how to handle this situation and I am concerned.

[AnotherStander]

So my wife has had a strange turn and I don't know what to make of it. She has progressively been more concerned about me and our future. She calls and talks about day to day life kind of like we are a happily married couple. All of our conversations are about "we" and "us" and the future is always us. I swear that it is strange. There is no physical contact. No talk about us. No intimacy of any kind. I have conditioned my self to not be concerned about us but just for our daughter.
So what should I do? Nothing?

This isn't too unusual after S, the WAS often will try to keep a toe in their old life in case their new venture doesn't work out. Just stick with your DB'ing.

I am concerned that in time my feelings towards her will fade.

They will. You just can't sustain being in love with a person that doesn't love you. Plus BD has this odd effect of making the LBS think that they are even more madly in love with the WAS. That too fades.

She seems to be moving towards me while I keep moving emotionally away. I really don't know how to handle this situation and I am concerned.

That's the pursuit/ distance dynamic at work. You've been distancing, so she's starting to pursue. The worst thing you can do right now is to start pursuing her because she will go right back to distancing. Remember the squirrel analogy:

"If you try to feed a squirrel by hand, you have to hold perfectly still. It will slowly come to you, but even if you don't move, it will sometimes get scared and retreat. But it will return and get a little closer each time. If you get impatient and make any move towards it, it will quickly run the other way and the entire process starts all over again from the beginning. But if you remain patient, it will come closer and closer until it will finally reach out to you."

[2little2late]

So what do I do?
Nothing?

[AnotherStander]

So what do I do?
Nothing?

What? No, "not pursuing" does not mean "do nothing". Have you read DR? Get out. Get a life. Work on yourself. Become the spouse only a fool would leave. Give your wife time and space.

[2little2late]

Well I guess That I am already doing that. By doing nothing I mean nothing different from what I am doing. Getting a life.

[KattK]

Thank you for posting the squirrel analogy. That's a useful tool to remember. Distancing is the hardest thing for me to do.

[MrBond]

I know you say that you read DB and DR, but I don't think you fully understand it.

"By doing nothing I mean nothing different from what I am doing. Getting a life."

What things have you been doing for GAL? How often do you see your D and W? How long are your conversations with your W? Can you elaborate on what those instances are like and what you talk about?