How do you all deal with the every day feelings of what is she or he doing since we are separated is she/he seeing someone else is she/he thinking of me is she really working on herself or even wose the I want to go looking for her but I don't.
Firstly, the one thing I don't do is think I want to go looking for him. I don't want to know about his new flat or where he's living, it disgusts me! I try not to think about what is he doing? Who is he seeing? Is he thinking about me? and the other one is, is he really truely happy deep down? It's ok to think about these questions, it's whether you hang onto them and let them rule your life. I think these questions, but I try to push them to the back of my mind and get on with my life. It's unhealthy to dwell on these things. You have to let go if you want her back. Keep busy. That way it's much easier to push things to the back of your mind. I'm glad you are going to see a counsellor. She will help you deal with life without her and will give you advice on what is or isn't an addiction to video games. You've got a long wait for her to come back, so you may as well have fun! I don't mean go out and look for someone else, that will give her grounds for divorce! Has anyone else got any more ideas, as I'm new at this DB thing myself
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Things are getting better for me as in easier to deal with the everyday heart ache of missing her I started going back to church today I pray daily sometime 5 to 8 times. I read the forums and take in all everyone has to say I really enjoy the success stories. I do keep making mistakes with comments like today she was telling me how her sister picked up some of those plastic walmart dresser drawers and Stupid me I said that sounds so permanent she stated after that what you expected me to come back after a week I told her I was just was just messing making conversation she didn't like it to much. I really need to be mind full of what I say still speak with my heart from time to time. I would love more advice from all who are willing to give it look forward from hearing from all of you.
Glad you're going to church Did you take the children with you? They probably have social activities that you can join in with, a bible study group and a prayer group. You should join anything that is going on and surround yourself with good Christian people I go to Church, go to a bible study group and take part in nearly all the social activities sometimes my WAS takes part in them as well. I felt this year that he had lost his faith, but I'm hoping gradually he is regaining his faith slowly but surely I believe at the moment that he's had the devil on his shoulder, encouraging him to split the family up. The devil likes nothing better than to break up the family. I pray that God will touch his heart and fight the evil that has got hold of my H. We all make mistakes, don't beat yourself up about them. You got out of that one quite well I think I wonder though why you needed to speak to your W. Did she ring you up or did you phone her? Since doing the 180 thing, I hardly ring my H up at all. I couldn't find anything on Friday and I wasn't going to ring my H up for help. I asked him today when he picked my son up and he said oh yea I know where that is, lol. Question is, am I taking this 180 too far by not asking him where anything is? The way I see it is what's the point of ringing him up, he hardly ever answers his phone straight away and that gets me frustrated! What are you doing tomorrow? anything special? Let us know what GAL you are planning to do tomorrow. I have the support network coming round tomorrow morning to sort out my son's care assessment as he has special needs, then I'm taking my son to his activity and going to meet a friend in town I try and plan my day and keep myself busy. It's the summer holidays for us at the moment and my week seems packed already! If I don't find anything to do, I search on the internet for anything local to me or look in leaflets that I've collected from places I've been too. If you can't find anything to do, then decorate a room in your house a different colour or move the furniture around. Clear out a closet and put her stuff in carrier bags. This may sound as if you've given up, but it's a 180 that is a necessity to do in order to move in with your life and make her think that you are. Become mysterious, don't tell her everything that you plan to do. Just talk mainly about the kids and what they've been up to. Hope this helps, look forward to hearing your update Hope this helps Look forward to hearing your update
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I haven't been calling her she since leaveing calls between 3 to 6 times a day and if she doesn't reach me at the house she calls my family and friends until she does find me weather I have the kids or not this gives me much hope that it all will work out but im learning to not get to optimistic about it after all its still only hope and faith that I have.
She sounds very confused. Have you thought about MC? Will she go with you or does she think it's too late for that? Over here we have Christian MCs that will support the faith as well. I've got a Christian IC which is great as you can talk openly with her about your faith. The only problem is she's not heard of 180s, so she may ask me to do something that is totally the opposite of a 180. Is your W depressed? Maybe she needs something to help her from the doctors. You can't be the one who suggests this for her though. Maybe you could talk to her mum about it if you are on speaking terms with her mum. You've not mentioned your GAL today. You need to GAL for the sake of yourself and the kids.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I haven't been calling her she since leaveing calls between 3 to 6 times a day and if she doesn't reach me at the house she calls my family and friends until she does find me weather I have the kids or not this gives me much hope that it all will work out but im learning to not get to optimistic about it after all its still only hope and faith that I have.
Well hold onto what hope you can, but I agree with you that you shouldn't try to read too much into her frequent attempts at contact. You're just a few weeks into this. The WAS is VERY confused early on, they don't know what they want and they will frequently do touch-and-goes with the LBS. As time goes on she will likely detach more. Just stick with your DB'ing and focus on you and your kids and leave her to sort it all out. Keep in mind that this is a marathon, not a sprint. Good luck!
Remembering its a marathon is the hardest part for right now I feel a bit out of control of my goal that were set for our future I have been working on restructureing them in case things don't work out yet I wont give up hope.
Trying she is confused and very depressed her emotions are all over the place she is talking about tattoos and peirceings and new cars and moveing she doesn't know what she wants. She recently admitted the depression to me while we were talking it started with a miscarriage yet she wont seek out help for it nor will I even mention it again it seems to upset her. As for chatting with her mom yes we are on good terms but it would upset her to know that im talking to anyone about our issues we agreed to keep it between us and not friends and family this has been difficult because its left me with only DB as a support.
I wish I knew a way to get her to see that she could use help from medication or councleing but I don't want to push her away one mistake and she may push back even further.
All advise is welcomed and helps greatly you all are helping me to become stronger everyday and my hope and faith grows also.
Sounds like she's going through both depression and a MLC as well. I don't think you can handle this by yourself though, she badly needs help. I really think that you need to speak to her mum about her, especially since she's abandoned the children. Do you live in the US? I can help you more if I know where you are. Over here you can get in touch with a crisis team that will assess her and can tell if she needs help or not. Before you do that though, have a quiet word with her mum. Your W doesn't need to know especially if you mention to her mum to keep it to herself. I think on this occasion she will do Be careful about any other issues you talk about with your MIL now, don't forget she's her mum and will be on her side now. I know as I used to get on well with my MIL, but can't talk to her now about anything relating to me and H. I know my H refuses to get help for his depression, but I don't feel he is bad enough for professionals to get involved. I havc mentioned anti-ds to him before and counselling and he doesn't want to know. Keep on doing what you're doing to follow the DB rules. You'll get there
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Well she stated she wants a divorce fineally so my 180s will have to be well what they are I will start the paper work process and move on with my life. What upsets me is how she want to make this all my fault I never wanted this Yes I made mistakes don't we all but I never reflected on hers nor will I . She wants us to be great friends I don't know at this point in time if I can . My first instinct is to get an attorney and to just take all I can from her its what she is doing to me but I know its not right to do or is it?
