LL, I would be setting a boundry at this point. Sitting watching TV with a house full of guest at his son's birthday party cant ever happen again. I would be making a strong statement then let it go and be happy, happy, happy. I was quiet surprised everytime I had to set a boundry he has never crossed it. I can tell my H doesnt want me to be upset he wants this relationship to work. I think he will respect you for the new you that you are becoming. Loretta
I expected h to spend much of his time watching the football draft it is one of his passions, he was not alone he was with an uncle and a cousin and at times his bil...he did not hide out there the whole day..he did make his appearances...he did help with the clean up..the kids were down in the playroom (on the other side of the cave) so it's not as if he was unseen that day..it was more of the fact that we were both lost in the shuffle and I didn't feel like we saw much of each other during the day...but if I sit and think about it..there were times when he would come find me and say hi.
so anyway..things are going well..I'm tired..h is tired...I am getting stressed about going on vacation...have to pack...have to get dd's birth certificate...have to shop for a couple of bathing suits for myself...have to get some food shopping in so h is not left with an empty fridge...would like to put in some alone time with h before going away...but we are both busy and tired..think we might need to be pushed to do it. mil is offering to sit for us on fri night so we can get out for a bit..but I haven't yet brought it up to h.
I really need this vaca...change of scenery...wish that h could come but I understand that he can't.
LL - I would take MIL up on her offer and drag H out to a nice dinner. Make it an opportunity for you to shine, LL!
Since you're going to shop for a couple of bathing suits, offer to show them off for H after the kids have gone to bed. Who knows, it might lead to something!
Keep looking for the little things, LL. And I hope that you and the kids have a safe and happy trip down to FL!
Quote: I would take MIL up on her offer and drag H out to a nice dinner. Make it an opportunity for you to shine, LL!
offer taken, mentioned it to h, h's repsonse...that would be a good idea we can get dinner or catch a movie or something..it would be nice to spend the time before you go away (or some version of that sentiment)
Quote: Since you're going to shop for a couple of bathing suits, offer to show them off for H after the kids have gone to bed. Who knows, it might lead to something!
sounds like a great idea...though I think it may just go over his head...worth a try anyway..that would be a lot less humiliating then putting on some langurie and being rejected.
starting to feel taken for grantide again...h is getting more and more wrapped up in work...work and the yard work taking presidence over our r and his time with the kids...it's really of little consolation that he say's he's getting depressed about us going away...that he's not spending as much time with us etc...if he didn't just say it but actually did something about it, perhaps then he wouldn't be getting depressed...sure work has to get done..the yard work needs to be done..but honestly every night??? does he really have to spend every night out in the yard til 8? does he have to spend all day and evening on sunday out there too?? can he not take a day off?? can he not leave something for tommorow and say tonight I will not work in the yard..tonight I will come home and play fumble with son..tonight I will give dd a bath and read her a bed time story..tonight I will skip the yard work so that I might have some energy to devote toward w...
naaaa, instead just keep working in the yard (btw I help when I can...have a blister on my hand from raking piles to possible make his time out there shorter, infact today started raking the lawn and attempted to start the blower to clean it off so he doesn't have to but couldn't start it)
nothing has changed in that regard...h still puts work first whether it be work at work or work at home...yes somethings need to be important...but there has to be a line...once again it seems I'm trying to do things to help him that might cut him some slack so that he can spend more time with at least the kids...but no matter how much I get done for him he still finds other things to keep himself to busy for us...
maybe it's a good thing that the kids and I will be gone for a week...maybe then he will realize what he's missing in not making the time for us...when he can't just go into their rooms and kiss their sleeping heads...
h just doesn't have time to be a h or a daddy...he's to busy..he will say it's just the start of the season...it's the spring..once I get through this month things will settle down...do you know how many years I've been hearing that??? it goes from once we get settled into this season..to next year will be easier...to the winters comming.....to well what about the two weeks in aruba...to I'm doing this for you...
gee thanks....you're doing this for me?? so the kids and I can have stuff??? but not you??? thanks alot!!
LL getting depressed and feeling shoved asside!! again!! tell me again why I wasn't the one to have an a and leave???
I see ow has not yet sold her house...she apparently had an open house on sunday...wish I had known I would have loved to have walked around her house her wondering if I was me or not...she has never seen me...may or may not have seen pics of me that h has in his wallet but they are old old old like highschool old....she may suspect but would have no way of knowing for sure...that would have been loads of fun for me!! maybe next time!! ha ha ha!!!
three rants in one day...geesh when I get on a mood it just festers away doesn't it???????
so h irritates me at times...I really don't like talking to him on the two-way (next tell phone like a cb) it's irritating, distracting, cold...I just don't like it...I like it even less when what I've said appears to go unheard..uncommented on..etc...I like it even less when I can hear others in the background..grrrrr!!
so the real reason for my vent outside of the fact that I'm annoyed with h today before this sit all started I was happy being an at home mom..though some days were stressful and tiring I enjoyed it..I was happy and proud to be at home with my son...then my daughter...I was not happy with my m but was accpeting it for what it was a m with hope for better times in the future...now as a result of the sit I am finding myself no longer happy as a mother..no longer happy to be home..no longer happy to be the good wife..no longer happy doing the right thing. does that mean I want to run out and hang at a bar...full my oats...get a job and put the kids in day care?? nope...does it mean I want to run away?? tell h to leave? not really...I'm just not happy with my life...is it a result of what h has done? the added troubles he brought to this r? is it the new doubt in myself brought on by his having an a (ea who gives a rat might as well have been a pa hurts just as much if not more) leaving me (he would swear up and down he did not leave the kids)
why is it suddenly that I am not happy with anything?? why is it now I am bitter toward h? and yet tell myself not to be. why is it I resent h all the more for being able to walk out the door each day and deal with people (even if they are annoying him) why is it I resent h for having a life and am no longer happy being a mom who is privilaged enough to be at home...
I was happy I was content..I was simply lonely and urning for a r with my h for a family life...
now I am hurt...sad...lonley..full of self doubt and urning for a real r with h...for h to take some time to appreciate me for h to support me emoitionaly for h to try to cheer me up when I'm down or having a rough day...instead I must try to boost him up when he's down...keep the stress of home away from him so that he can come home to a peacfull place...what kind of a farce am I living here...once again I am a joke...I am a "woman" I am the "caretaker" I am the "peacemaker" I am the "caregiver" I am tired..I am sad...I am lonely...I am depressed.
I want to run away...I almost wish h would leave again...then at least I wouldn't feel used by him...then he would have no choice but to care for the kids and give me a break cause I just wouldn't be here...now it's back to me taking care of the kids while he does what he needs to do..
I can't get mad or bothered or frustrated at the fact that h leaves before we wake...I can't get mad at the fact that on most days he's to busy for any real phone calls over the obligatory hello..ok gotta get back to xyz...I can't get mad or sad or frustrated when h doesn't return home til (well today it may not be til 7) the kids bed time...I cannot get mad sad or frustrated at the fact that when h does get home he chooses to spend all his time and energy out in the yard...I cannot get mad sad or frustrated at the fact that by the time he does come in the house...shower and eat, he has little if anything to offer me before he falls asleep...I cannot get mad sad or frustrated at the fact that things have fallen (or at least for the time being) back to the way they were before h left...or worse the way things were before disclosure of ow...I cannot get mad sad or bothered because once again I will be given the "what about last week" "what about bla bla bla" "youre going to fla aren't you" "that's just the way I am" "it's a busy time right now" "I'm under pressure" "I'm just tired" "I'm stressed" "I'm home aren't I" "I'm going to c aren't I" "no matter what I do it just isn't enough your still not happy"
ok feeling a little better...h actually called with the phone rather than the two way...expressed some of his frustrations with being late actually said "I should have jsut come home" (he was bringing home some equiptment to work on the yard and the trailer lights weren't working so that led to having to have the guy at the next bay look at it..making him late) anyway I could go on about that...but h tries not to express his frustrations with things not going well therefore making him late because what good does it do?? well h it let's me know that you are just as bothered as me at the fact that you aren't home...it's ok to be frustrated h..then I don't have to be!!
so that was covered...
also covered the fact that I don't like the two way (that is why he called on the phone)
covered the fact that I don't like when he's not here..I don't really like the fact that when he is here he's working but at least I can see him out there working (and honestly I do like to see him work...then I can say "that's my man!!)
shared some of my insecurity about hearing a womans voice..h assure me that it was someone at the next bay and I do believe him..he really wouldn't be that stupid!!
so h is frustrated with work...customers calling him wanting him there yesterday..h wanting to be home..trying to get home...running behind with mechanical problems really annoying because he thought he was ahead of things and would be getting home early...
so h will come in and eat when he gets home as apposed to his usual getting right to work in the yard..that will be nice.
