My D is final and I am still thinking about my ex wife. I am currently still GAL, taking up new hobbies and trying out the dating seen (mainly to keep my mind off my ex). I probably already know the answer to this question but I am wondering what I should do from here.
Do I continue to not initiate any contact with my ex?
Do I initiate contact once in a while just to say hi?
I obviously do still care for her and would give anything to have her back but I do not want to ruin any chances that I may have which atre prob slim to none at this point.
Her birthday is at the end of July, do I contact her then?
Me 33 W 32 Married 10/13/12 WAW Started sleeping in spare room 1/13/13 Divorce filed 2/13/13 Seperated 3/1/13 till ????????? Divorced 5/28/13
JT, how did the two of you meet? I missed that story if you've posted it.
Your W has had a bee in her bonnet to get this D done and she is behaving in a very nasty way. Is this in any way abnormal to how she is with other people? I'm sure she can be pleasant, but did you ever witness her being nasty towards other people?
As AS mentioned in your previous topic, it almost sounds like there's some other, underlying behaviours that your W might be dealing with. That's neither here nor there, but this probably isn't entirely about you, if it is at all. Again, with just over half a year M, I don't think sleeping in spare room after only three months M was a good sign.
So while you may hope that perhaps one day she will come back, I think you do have to keep being dark. Move forward with your life.
IF she contacts at some future time and that contact is pleasant, then respond in kind, like LRT. If future contact by her is spew, black hole it. Just ignore it.
As far as dating, do you think you are ready for it or is it just, as you say, to get your mind of your X?
A word of encouragement to those of you who are already separated. Don't lose hope. Although there are certainly challenges, many people do decide to move back in together after they've been separated. Whether or not this happens may depend in part with how you handle the separation.
Whatever you do, don't panic and chase your spouse. That will be a one-way street. Get help. Pull back. Work on yourself for a while and make yourself strong, someone your spouse may want to come home to. Learn about yourself and relationships during this crisis.
Then in the end, if your spouse refuses, at least you can know in your heart that you have done everything to save your marriage and family (if you have children).
I think I am feeling the need to do this so I can maintain some sort of friendship with her at the very least. I know it would be considered pursueing but in the same time I feel that I should be doing something.
I think I would just expect her to respond like an adult with no resentment and just be cordial.
Kaffe,
We met through work. We both coached at a local highschool. I was interested in her so I had flowers sent to her while she was coaching a contest. We then went to dinner two days later and the rest was history.
She is acting extremely abnormal. I have never seen this side of her and honestly feel like she is not even close to the person i married. She is very pleasent but I have seen her be nasty to others when she did not get her way.
I think I am ready to date but I do not think I am ready for anything serious. But I am okay with hanging out with the opposite sex at this point.
I def will stay dark, I just need reinforcement every now and then when I am thinking of pursueing. Her Bday is in July, if she does not contact me at all by then, would it be appropriate to send a card or flowers just as a friend wanting to say happy birthday??
Cadet,
Thank you for the facebook post. These things really help to keep things in perspective
Me 33 W 32 Married 10/13/12 WAW Started sleeping in spare room 1/13/13 Divorce filed 2/13/13 Seperated 3/1/13 till ????????? Divorced 5/28/13
OK, so what I am reading is... her "normal" behaviour is pleasant... but you HAVE witnessed a nasty side to her. Take note of this reality.
The two of you were M less than a year ago, how long did the two of you date? How long have you actually known her in any significant way, other than or prior to "she caught your eye and you sent her flowers".
I want to be very clear with you right now. If you hope to get back together and possibly start a new R and eventually re-M, I fully support you.
That said, I think there's a lot that you don't know about your X and while you might be willing to take the bad with the good (that's what M is all about, right?).
Understand that underlying, "normally" hidden nasty side of her, which appears to come along with passive-aggressive behaviours, should be a clear flag for you. Not to discourage you, but to be sure you understand what your are dealing with. If you have just M'd and D'd someone in less than a year, this person may have a DSM-V (ie. personality disorder) condition that you, and even she, may not be aware of.
Regarding her b-day, it WOULD NOT BE APPROPRIATE to send her flowers or a card or wish her happy b-day...
Until you can be 100% honest with yourself...
That honesty MUST be... you would not be recognizing her b-day with any intention to get back together with her.
Thank you very much for the support. My wife and I did not know each other that well before we started dating. We worked together but that was it. We dated 1 1/2 years before I asked her to marry.
I do agree that she may have a personality disorder. I myself have been checked and was diagnosed with personality - cluster C disorder. I believe she may be a cluster A.
I do not think I am 100 percent sure I can be honest and not have intentions of winning her back by recognizing her bday. So for now, I have decided to not recognize it when it comes.
Me 33 W 32 Married 10/13/12 WAW Started sleeping in spare room 1/13/13 Divorce filed 2/13/13 Seperated 3/1/13 till ????????? Divorced 5/28/13
Again, I fully support you in your willingness to re-engage her and possibly get back together and possibly re-M.
That said, RIGHT NOW... it is only going to happen if she chooses to. And THEN... you will need to make the decision that you want to, at THAT time... not now, because anything can happen between now and then.
So in regards to DBing, your best bet is (of course) to GAL and work on any 180s that either she had complaints about that were valid, or that you've pin pointed in your life that you don't like and would like to change, as well as any other areas in your life that you want to improve upon.
Become an even more awesome man that only a fool would leave. She's left, for now... but it is documented many times, that people who D can and do sometimes get back together. She'd be more apt to do so, when she finally looks at how much better you are now, since she's left.
Ok, so my ex wife blocked me from texting and calling back in early march after an arguement that we had. The only way of contact has been through email. Last night I think I backslide a little. I was going through all of our previous text messages from feb and march trying to get a better grasp of where she was coming from so I can improve. I decided at the spur of the moment just to send a text saying "hi" (just to see if I was still blocked) . Well, she has unblocked my number after 3 months!!!! Is this a sign ? A small nugget to chew on? She responded to my "hi" with ...."did you need something?" I know, not very promising, but my question to all is...... How the heck do I respond???? Do I respond at all?
Me 33 W 32 Married 10/13/12 WAW Started sleeping in spare room 1/13/13 Divorce filed 2/13/13 Seperated 3/1/13 till ????????? Divorced 5/28/13
